“I’m guessing it didn’t go well?” Erin sidles up alongside me. I wipe at my cheeks and nose, as if that could hide the evidence of sadness that’s clearly projected onto my face.
“I didn’t think he would care,” I confess, lifting my gaze to Erin’s. She studies me, her green eyes softening.
“Maybe you didn’t, but I knew he would. He’s more than your best friend, Bailey, and you know it. Even if you don’t want to admit it, you know it’s true.”
“Why didn’t you warn me before I basically threw myself at him?” I take a drink from my wine glass, hoping that the wine will calm me a little, but it doesn’t. It just makes the twisty knot of thorns in my belly dig in deeper.
“Well, it was obvious to me, so I figured it would be to you. Plus, I seriously thought this whole thing would turn out completely different than it did.”
“Different how?” I question.
She shrugs. “I thought you would stay the night and have breakfast together. Spend more time with each other. I guess a part of me hoped that the both of you would realize that you are more than just friends,” she explains as if I should have seen it coming like there was a giant billboard advertising our love story or something.
“Well, you thought wrong. It’s never going to be like that between us, not after the conversation we just had. He’s so angry, so am I, and I don’t even know what for. I don’t understand any of this. What do I do, Erin? What do I say to make things right again? He had sex with dozens of women, why is this a big deal to him? Why can’t he just let what happened go?”
Erin takes a step forward, her body entering my bubble of space. Then she places both her hands on my shoulders. “He doesn’t care about other women, but he cares about you. Can’t you see that? Plus, it was your virginity…” She makes a sour face. “I mean technically that’s a big deal, and the fact that you gave that gift to him without even mentioning it, well…”
Gritting my teeth, I interrupt her, “Don’t even act like you’re on his team about this. How was I supposed to know that he would care so much about this? How was I supposed to know he would be bothered by me leaving? It makes zero sense to me. I figured he would be glad I was gone, and that we didn’t have to have an awkward morning together.”
“Shhh…” Erin brings a hand to my cheek, shushing me. “Relax. You guys can talk about it later. Let’s just enjoy the party, converse, and celebrate. At least you know he cares about you, and you care about him. What happens from here will either make or break you.”
And that’s what I’m afraid. Look at us… it’s already breaking us, and still, I can’t find it in myself to regret what happened. I can’t forget the carnal need he’s stirred inside me. I can’t erase the memory of him fucking me from my mind.
Every time I close my eyes, I can feel his fingers digging into my skin. I can feel his cock sinking deeper and deeper inside of me, piercing me just like he is my heart right now. Where Elijah starts, I end. The thought of losing him over this rips me apart.
“Whatever, fine.” I sniffle, and Erin gives me a bright smile, pulling me into a quick hug that I don’t return before tugging me by the hand toward the kitchen to grab some more drinks. We converse with my family and friends like nothing is wrong, but the entire time I feel his eyes on me, branding deep into my skin, silently claiming me. I smile and laugh, faking my way through each conversation, trying to think of how I can make things right between us.
There has only been one other time our friendship was this close to breaking. I cringe at the memory of that night.
“Dad, I’m heading over to Elijah’s house,” I yell across the living room.
“Okay, have fun, pumpkin.” He doesn’t even give me the whole ‘be home before eleven’ speech that’s been a part of my life since I started high school. He knows that Elijah will take care of me and makes sure I’m home before my curfew, which is why he doesn’t say anything.
He wouldn’t let me go to prom unless I went with Elijah and his friends. It’s not a real date, even though I like to pretend that it is in my head. We’re going with a group instead of as couples, and I’m perfectly fine with that.
At least this way, I don’t have to see Elijah with his tongue down another girl’s throat.
I walk out the front door and head down the sidewalk, five houses down to where Elijah lives. The front door is open as always and I walk in without knocking. I don’t even remember the last time I knocked or announced myself when coming into this house.
My feet just crest the threshold when I hear the chatter of teenage boys coming from the basement. Butterflies fill my belly and I will them away as I start walking toward the steps.
“I’m so over being nice to Amy and pretending that I actually like her.” Ron’s nasally voice meets my ear. “Hopefully she gives it up tonight so I can move on to the next girl. High school is too short to be tied down to one girl.”
The guys chuckle, all of them, and I feel bile rising up my throat. These are Elijah’s friends.
“Same with Samantha,” David mutters, annoyance lacing her words. “Don’t girls get it? Don’t they know that this is all guys think about? Sex and getting their dicks sucked.”
“Girls think differently than guys. They need to be wooed before you try and get into their panties.” Elijah’s voice pierces through the air and slices straight into my bleeding heart. The blood in my veins freezes, and I worry I might actually throw up on the floor. Is he just pretending to like me to get into my pants? No, I shake my head. That’s such a ridiculous thought. It’s not like that with us, he wouldn’t do something like that, right? We’re just friends, best friends, since first grade. He doesn’t look at me that way, never did… even if sometimes I think I might want him to.
Waiting a minute before heading downstairs, I clear my head of all the thoughts, and things that I just heard. When I’m certain I don’t look or feel as if I’m going to pass out or throw up, I start descending the stairs. My feet carry me down the steps and when I come around the corner at the bottom of the staircase and all three boys’ heads snap up to look at me.
“Hey, Bailey… you look… you look, great…” Elijah greets me with a wide smile, his eyes twinkling as they roam over the dress I’m wearing. I force a half-hearted smile, trying to think about anything besides the unpleasant truth that I stumbled upon.
Elijah isn’t like that, he likes me as a friend, he promised me that we’ll be friends forever. He wouldn’t lie, wouldn’t hurt me... would he?
I’m distracted by the shit taking place inside my head, and I hope no one notices. Drinking the rest of the wine in my glass, I place it down on the bar. Peering over my shoulder, I spot my father and Elijah talking. My father has always loved him, urged for us to be together both in secret and to our faces. I wonder what he would think now, if he knew we had crossed the line of friendship?
I try not to think about how happy or excited my father would be over Elijah and I dating since I already know it will never happen. Needing some fresh air and time to think, I walk toward the back patio door.