I shake my head. “Not special enough for that kind of gift. It shocked me. I don’t want what we did to change us. You said you want to go back to being us, so let’s do that. Let’s forget we ever had sex.” I smile, hoping that will fix the rift that I feel forming between us, but as soon as the words slip from my lips, I know I’ve made a grave mistake.
“You just want to forget it happened?” Anguish coats her words, her green eyes widen in shock and her bottom lip trembles.
Fuck, if she starts crying, I’m going to lose it.
“No, fuck... I mean…” What did I mean? I reach for her, wanting, needing to feel the warmth of her skin beneath my hands, but she bats at them, stopping me from making any further advancements.
“I know what you mean, Elijah. There’s no need to repeat yourself. All I meant was that I wanted us to go back to being just friends. We don’t have to forget about what happened. God knows I never could. I gave a piece of myself to you that I felt was always meant to be yours.”
Blinking, I take a step forward. “What do you mean was always meant to be mine? You didn’t want me, Bailey? You never wanted me. I kissed you and… you made me promise you… fuck. How can you say shit like this now?” My blood pressure rises with each word I speak and soon I’m clenching my fists so tightly I feel like I might explode.
Bailey takes a step backward, gripping onto the railing of the porch with her hands. “I just meant… I don’t know what I meant. I don’t know why I felt this way, but clearly I made the wrong choice.”
“No…” I growl. “Don’t say it like that.”
“You said yourself that I shouldn’t have given you my virginity, it was a mistake,” she mumbles.
I squeeze my eyes shut. “I didn’t mean it like that,” I admit bitterly, even though I kind of did. Shit, this whole thing is so confusing.
“But you’re right, I shouldn’t have thrown myself at you like this, we are a mistake…” Disdain drips from her voice. Her words, the hurt in her voice causes me to snap. My eyes open a second later, and I take in her heartbroken features.
“Knock it off, Bailey, you’re taking what I said out of context. You know you are my best friend and I wouldn’t do or say anything to hurt you or make you feel bad in any way,” I heave, slamming my fist down on the railing of the porch. How could I ever forget her, and the night we shared. We’re in this situation because neither of us could forget. By now, I’d have had ten different women in my bed, but I didn’t because no one could amount to what Bailey did in my mind.
“I don’t know if I can do this…” Tears start to fall from her eyes and roll down her cheeks, staining them with sadness.
“What does that mean, Bailey?” I ask, fear coating my throat. I’m afraid after everything we’ve gone through, after all our friendship has endured, that it will end now, and all because we can’t work this out.
She shakes her head, her hair falling into her face, and I curl my fingers into my hand to stop myself from reaching out and tucking the strands behind her ear.
Staring up at me, she says, “I don’t know. I don’t know what any of this means anymore.”
My heart plummeting into my stomach and all words leave me. All I can do is stare at her. She looks at me with such a deep-rooted sadness, it chokes me.
“I’ll talk to you later, Elijah,” she mutters before turning and walking off the porch. My heart bleeds inside my chest. I did this to us. I want to kick the shit out of myself.
Now more than ever, I want to believe my father’s words… I want to believe when he told me that all women will do is hurt you… that they should be used for sex and nothing else, but I know Bailey. I love her, care for her, she isn’t just any woman. She’s… mine.
I squeeze my eyes shut, and grip onto the wood of the railing with both my hands to stop myself from following her. I’ll do whatever I have to, to fix this. We’ve survived bigger fights, been through harsher elements. This is nothing, sex doesn’t really change friendships. If I pretend like it isn’t a bigger deal than it is, maybe it won’t be.
There’s no way I can forget about the night we shared, but I’ll try my damnedest to make Bailey comfortable again.
7
Bailey
* * *
Wiping my sweaty palms down the front of my skinny jeans, I try and shove the stupid anxious butterflies taking flight in my belly away. There is no avoiding this man, no running away from our problems, problems that I caused, but that was definitely there before I ever made a move to give him my virginity.
The space between us is deafening and my chest aches every time I think about it. I can’t forget about what we did or how he made me feel, but I also can’t jeopardize our friendship, and somehow, I know I can’t have it both ways.
I cannot have my cake and eat it too. Oh, how cruel the world is.
“Good morning, Bailey,” Barbara, the secretary, greets me as I walk through the double glass doors. She’s got long blonde hair, soft blue eyes and is old enough to be my mom, if my mom were still alive. I’ve always liked her, she’s sweet as pie, and never fails to make me smile.
“Morning,” I reply in a rush, heading toward the elevators. I was seconds away from skipping out on coming here to see Elijah today, but I knew I needed to. He hired me to do the interior design for his newest club and the project starts soon. I can’t leave him hanging like that, no matter what’s going on between us, I can’t just leave him on a job like that.
We’re adults after all, and I can’t stay hidden in my apartment forever. Plus, he would just show up there and blast the door down like the Hulk if I didn’t show up, and since I don’t want to have to buy a new door, I figure this is the safest best option. I take the elevator to the third floor, and nibble on my bottom lip nervously, waiting for the ding of the elevator doors.
When they open, I exit, my steps small, my stomach wrenching and twisting the knife in my chest piercing through the tender muscle of my heart. He’s your best friend, Bailey. Get a grip. I’m so caught up in my stupid head, and the thoughts of how to deal with this cluster fuck that I’ve put us in that I fail to notice Elijah heading straight toward me. And to think I thought I would get through today without having to see him… as if I would get that lucky.
My head tilts back and I look up at him, noticing the slight twitch of his lips as he sees me taking in his body from head to toe. I’m totally not checking him out, not at all. He’s wearing a suit, one that as always is tailored perfectly to his body. Stupid abs and impeccable features. Why can’t he be ugly? Or at least not look like a Greek god, that fell off the cover of GQ Magazine?
I hated myself something fierce yesterday, for not letting him really explain himself further, and I should have, since after all, none of this was his doing. In my defense, all I wanted was to see what it would be like… it was only supposed to be one taste, a sampling even. It was supposed to end before it really began, one night… I just wanted one night.
“Sunflower…” The nickname he bestowed upon me in elementary school rolls off his tongue, and for some stupid reason, all I can think about is the way his tongue stroked mine so gingerly the night that he claimed me.