I smile at that and get back to work cleaning our used utensils. She pats me on the back as she walks past and soon disappears through the door that leads to her flat upstairs.
Okay, I can do this.
“I think I’m definitely going to be joining you for non-alcoholic cocktails and treats tonight.” I say to Tiffany, flopping into the same chair that Valentine flopped into hours ago.
Tiffany grins and claps her hands. “Brilliant. I’ll stock up a box of whatever is left.”
“Yay.” I say, but it comes out sounding tired and defeated. “I need to go home and have a shower first.”
“Duly noted. You go on ahead, we’ll handle the lock up. I’ll pick you up in about forty minutes.”
Well at least I don’t have to walk to hers on my aching feet. I hang up my apron and head home. As soon as I fall through the door, I stumble to the shower and barely get my clothes off before climbing in. I even go as far as to sit on the tiled floor; my body just can’t hold me up. I’m exhausted, but I don’t want to sleep. I want to have fun.
It’s a huge change. A few months ago the idea of fun was abhorrent to me. Now I feel like I want to start living again. Caleb… I’m sorry.
“One virgin Tiffany surprise, without the surprise because it’s virgin.” Tiffany grins and hands me a tall glass of purple, ugly looking liquid. I take a tentative sip, surprised when it actually tastes good. “It has grapes in it.”
“It’s great.” I nod slowly with a smile and watch Elle switch to the music channels via the TV remote.
Tiffany takes a picture of me holding the glass, much to my annoyance. I hate pictures and I don’t ever use the social networking sites that are available. She still uploads it. I’m grateful I’ll never see it.
Am I dull? I sound really dull.
“How’s the baba?” Elle asks, turning the TV down low after the neighbours bang on the wall a few times. Tiffany glares at the wall as if it’s to blame. This makes me snigger.
“He’s great.” Although I have yet to hear from Nathan. I should text him.
Gwen: How are you both? Is he being good?
“He’s gorgeous. I want baby cuddles but I never get to see him outside of work.” Elle moans.
Tiffany nods in agreement. “Yeah, we should all go for lunch soon.” Even though we either work at the same time or on different days. “We’ll figure something out. Are you working tomorrow?”
I shake my head. “No, it’s Sunday. I never work Sundays.”
“I do, every freakin’ Sunday.” Tiffany grumbles and sits in between Elle and myself. “Which means I have to be really careful to avoid a hangover.”
“Woe is me.” Elle jests and places her hand to her forehead. I can’t help but giggle.
“Shut up.”
My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out and read the text.
Nathan: All is well. He’s sleeping. How is your evening?
Gwen: It’s actually really good. I’m sat with two ladies from work, Elle and Tiffany. They’re drinking cocktails, mine is virgin. I haven’t laughed so much in a really long time :-)
“Who’s on the other end of the texting line?” Tiffany leans into me, attempting to see my message. “Aww, Elle, she thinks we’re ladies.”
Another round of laughter begins.
Nathan: Virgin? Alcohol free I assume?
Gwen: Yes…
“Are you texting pretty boy from earlier? You’re all smiley.” Elle says and downs the rest of her drink. Tiffany refills it for her with the glass jug full of ugly purple fluid on the table.
“No, it’s Nathan.” I admit and place my phone back in my pocket.
“Dillan’s uncle? Damn, he’s hot.”
“And brooding. Did you see that smouldering look he had on his face?” Tiffany adds and fans her face. “He single?”
I nod. “But he’s complicated.”
“You’re taken.” Elle snaps playfully at her friend.
“I can dream. So, what’s the deal with Nathan? Why’s he got Dillan and not his brother?”
I should tell them, but I feel like such a sob story when I do tell people. It’ll just ruin the night.
Fortunately I’m saved from explanations when her phone starts ringing. They seem to forget when Tiffany trips over the coffee table on the way to answer it and ends up sprawled on the floor in an uncomfortable looking starfish position. My gut hurts from laughing so hard.
CHAPTER FIVE
“Mum?” I say as I lean against the doorframe to the kitchen. She stirs her coffee slowly, still half asleep.
“Yeah?” She looks at me through swollen bloodshot eyes. “You look nice.”
“You’re working too hard.” I frown and wipe down the area around her cup after entering the kitchen. “Do you think it’s too soon for me to start dating?”
She tenses, her hands gripping the cup tighter than before. I daren’t look at her to gauge her reaction, just in case I see judgement in her eyes. Suddenly her hand wraps around mine and I gulp, waiting for her harsh words of wisdom.
“Baby,” I’m shocked at the soft tone of her voice, “I don’t think so. I think you’re young and I think you need to have some fun.” I look at her in horror, but she laughs and shakes her head. “Not kinky fun.”
“I don’t know. I’m just… I feel so guilty.”
“Are you ready?”
“Will I ever be?” My eyes water. I lower my head onto my arms and tilt it towards her fingers, which begin running through my hair.
She lets out a long breath. “Don’t push yourself into it and don’t let anybody else push you into it. I think you’re now at a place where you can entertain the idea. You’re doing a lot better than you were.”
“You think?” I sniff and peek up at her through my lashes, my eyes now probably as swollen as hers.
“Yes. When you first came home you were…” She shudders slightly at the memory. “A robot. But then again, you had just been through a lot with Nathan.” Her eyes seek mine as she leans closer. “I know you care about him.”
My teeth find the inside of my cheek and grip it tight.
“Maybe more than you should.” She whispers this and I’m unsure why.
“No.” I deny it. It’s not true. “We never… nothing ever happened between us. Not like that.” Well it did, but it was all him. Not me. I didn’t reciprocate it. Did I?
Her lips tilt up at the corners. “I know. You don’t need to have sex to love somebody.”
My mouth opens, then closes, then opens again. “That… I don’t love him that way.” I love him, just not in a romantic way. Like a brother maybe? No, that’s not right. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Nathan as a brother. Love leads to sex when it’s not in a familial sense. Could I have sex with Nathan? The thought isn’t as appalling as it should be.
“Okay.” She definitely doesn’t agree, so why is she agreeing?