“You’re not making any sense.”
“I mean,” how do I say this? “I love you. I think I have for a really long time.” I know I have. I’ve just been too ashamed of the circumstances to admit it, or try to rationalise it.
“Don’t say that if you don’t mean it. If you’re saying it because of what I’ve told you…”
“I’m not,” I promise and let my body relax. “I’ve been an idiot. I’ve been awful to you, I know I have, and I’m sorry. I’m ready now, if you’ll forgive me. I’d like to try.”
He blinks, seemingly astonished. “You’re choosing me?”
“But if we’re going to do this properly, we need to be completely honest with each other. No more secrets.”
He gulps, looking away nervously. “I don’t want to talk about what happened.”
“That’s fine, but you need to talk about what happened before I found out about your grandfather. You’re not being let off the hook that easy.” I chastise him, though I still have a smile on my face. “There are things we need to deal with.”
He sighs. “I was hoping we could just kiss now, but you’ve ruined the moment.”
I grin. “We were having a moment?”
“Were, being the key word here.” He steps into me again. “Now, be quiet. I’ve waited for this for a very long time.”
“Kay.” I lean back, closing my eyes as I wait for him to press his lips to mine. He moves slowly, sending tingles of anticipation straight down my spine. I feel his breath on my lips, but then it’s gone.
I decide to open my eyes when a few seconds pass and I notice that my slightly puckered lips are going to waste. Nathan’s eyes twinkle with amusement at my confusion, but then he sobers and a look of contentment overcomes him.
A gloved hand touches my arm, the fingertips barely grazing the skin as it moves upwards and rests on my shoulder. My breath hitches when those same fingers brush a gentle path up my neck, to my jaw and to my ear. I whimper, tiny bumps prickling along the surface of my arms and the swell of my breasts.
Nathan looks at his hand and frowns. My eyes follow his movements. I watch closely as he slowly removes the glove and places it into his pocket. His bare fingers make the same journey they made a moment ago, starting at my wrist before finishing at the corner of my mouth. I shudder and close my eyes when he scrapes his fingers upwards and brushes the side of my hair over my ear.
This is it, I think over and over as his eyes hold mine and his face moves slowly closer. My heartbeat quickens, my chest tingles and my mouth goes dry. I wet my lips quickly in preparation, waiting for him to finally kiss me.
His nose touches mine and strokes the bridge with a barely there touch. Gulp.
A small smile lights up his face, making his eyes become hooded.
Watching his pupils dilate as his top lip touches mine is definitely a sight I’ll never forget. I wonder if that’s what he’s doing, burning this exact moment to memory.
A gasp escapes me when I feel his free hand trail along the edge of the boxers I’m wearing, before dipping under my top and sliding around to my back. He pulls me to him, his hips against mine. I feel how much he wants me and the thrill it sends through my body is almost unbearable.
I’m about ready to grab him and devour his mouth in a wicked way, when I feel his bottom lip finally skim mine.
My eyes close, my body heats and I’m sure my cheeks turn pink.
The anticipation is killing me. I’ve never felt so alive, so on fire.
“Nathan.” I whisper so quietly, I barely even hear it myself.
A moan leaves my throat when his tongue lightly touches the centre of my top lip. I’m startled by the force of feeling such a gentle touch creates.
Yes. Finally.
A wail from downstairs forces my eyes open.
Damn it all!
Nathan scrunches up his nose and sighs. “Dillan. I’ll get him.”
Shit, my son. He’s poorly. What kind of a mother am I?
Nathan bumps my nose with his. “They said it’s just colic and possibly a cold, don’t worry. I’ll deal with him.”
“Okay, I’m going to get changed.”
“Have a shower too, wash him from your skin.” He kisses the curve of my neck and pulls me out of the way of the door.
Scowling at him, I stomp past and enter the bathroom, ignoring his chuckle as I go.
Nathan taps on the door as I’m pulling Eric’s top over my head. “Hey, Gwen?”
“Yes?”
“Actually, it doesn’t matter. I’ll tell you later.”
“Okay.” I throw the top on the ground and step out of the boxers. I don’t need a shower but I know how fussy Nathan can be.
Staring at myself in the mirror before I climb under the hot spray, I look at my reflection and ask her one thing. “Are you sure this is what you want?” Then I nod with a smile and climb under the spray. It is what I want.
It’s what I need.
Wiping the mist from the mirror, I run a comb through my wet hair to get rid of the tangles. I look flushed from the hot water. I’ve also never felt so clean. After brushing my teeth, I double check the towel that’s wrapped around my body is tight enough and pad into my bedroom.
I have to admit, now that a decision has been made, I feel like a weight has been lifted. My shoulders suddenly feel a lot lighter.
I just wish I knew how Caleb felt about this.
Christ… have I gone insane? He’s dead! He’s not coming back and I’m still alive. I need to remember that.
“It’s definitely colic. He’s not drinking the milk and he keeps bringing his legs up to his chest.” Nathan says as he walks into my room with a squawking Dillan in his arms. “He doesn’t have a temperature so I’m not too wo…” He stops in his tracks, his mouth hanging open.”…rried.”
“Yeah, I need to get dressed.”
Nathan blinks and sits. “Feel free to do so.”
My brow lifts. “Out.”
“Oh come on, I have permission now.”
I snort. “Says who?”
“Says you, when you just agreed to be my girlfriend.” Playful Nathan equals a Nathan I enjoy greatly, although I’m not sure I like the title girlfriend. It seems so juvenile. He looks at Dillan, who is still squawking. “Quiet. Mummy, aka my girlfriend,” there’s that label again, “is busy entertaining me.” He looks up at me, his face straight and showing no sign of humour. “He says get your tits out.”
I choke on my surprised laughter. That was so not what I expected to hear from him. Not at all.
“What?” He asks innocently. “He said it.”
My body leans forward as laughter forces its way upwards. It’s almost painful. Make it stop.
“You never cease to amaze me, Nathan Weston,” I giggle, pulling the towel tighter around me. “Out. Give him some cool boiled water for me.”
“You’ve been my girlfriend for twenty minutes and already you’re ordering me around.”
“What’s with the label?”
He smiles mischievously. “Well you are my girlfriend.” His smile widens. “I have a girlfriend.”