My hands find my flat stomach and I grasp at it desperately. “What’s going on?”
Caleb doesn’t answer. He only stares out of the window, his profile almost glowing in the moonlight. “I’ll never forgive you for this, Gwenny.”
“Wait,” I plead, racing towards him.
The red mist flickers outwards, long smoky tendrils lashing out at the dark room, slowly swallowing it whole until I can see nothing but red. Caleb’s hand reaches out and touches my cheek. He doesn’t speak, or if he does I don’t hear him. My heart starts beating a heavy rhythm as I’m overcome with fear and loss.
Caleb.
No. No. NO! I hit the floor with a thud, my body trembling and my front aching from my landing.
“Caleb,” I gasp, pulling myself up and looking around the room. “Dillan!”
Confusion sets in as I pull myself out of my dream state and back to reality. I race to the cot and sigh with relief when I see Dillan sleeping soundly, his mouth suckling at nothing.
“Nathan,” I whisper in realisation and turn towards the bed.
He’s fast asleep on his back, one arm spread to the side as if it has been searching for me and is now waiting for me. I climb onto the mattress and stare at him for a moment, ignoring the heartbreak at losing Caleb all over again.
This isn’t the first dream I’ve had of Caleb, but it’s the first one with Nathan. It’s all of this information I’ve received regarding him that’s throwing me. It’s too much to take.
I brush my fingers over Nathan’s brow and sigh as guilt floods through me. How could Caleb do that to him? How could he hurt his brother like that, who so clearly needs love and trust?
If he were alive I don’t think I’d be able to look at him for what he’s done. I know that’s easier said now that he’s not here, but I know Nathan now. I know that, with a bit of patience and a sledge hammer combined, you can crack that outer shell and the sweetness that lies beneath is just… gah. It’s amazing. He’s amazing.
How could Caleb… my sweet Caleb, be so cruel to somebody so damaged and in need of affection?
As much as I want to be sad over Caleb’s freak out in my dream, I can’t be. I can only be sad that I didn’t seem to know him at all. Or maybe he changed; I sure hope that’s the case.
Leaning forward, I press my lips to Nathan’s and run my nose along his. I know how much he loves that. It reminds me of a lion cub nuzzling the felines it knows and loves.
Nathan, stirring at my attention, peeks open one eye and smiles ever so slightly as he traps his body to mine with his strong arms. “Hi.”
I laugh a little, feeling like I’ve been caught doing something naughty. “Hi.”
“What are you doing?” He closes his eyes as I continue to nuzzle his nose with mine. I press my lips to his and run my hand up his chest until it rests over his steady heart. My lips take on a mind of their own and travel from his lips to his jaw, then down to his neck. My tongue tastes his skin as my nails scrape over the fabric of his vest. He lets out a breath and tickles my arms with his fingertips. “Why are you awake?”
“Bad dream,” I murmur against his golden skin and continue kissing every inch of his neck.
He lets out a moan and slowly pulls me away. “What about?”
Do I tell him and ruin this moment? Or do I lie and keep trying to seduce him? “I don’t remember.” I go for the lie. He looks at me sceptically. “I swear, I don’t remember.” He loosens his grip and lies still as I get back to work on his neck.
“This is unexpected,” Nathan murmurs, clearly still half asleep.
I slide his vest up to his neck and trail my fingers over his smooth chest. Shifting down, I press my lips to the spot directly above his nipple, which tightens instantly.
“Gwen,” he chokes out, his chest dropping as his breath escapes him. Hands roughly grab my hair and pull my head up. “What are you doing?”
Umm… well, what does it look like? I give him a blank look and push his hands away. Shifting down again, I circle the tip of my tongue around his nipple. This time he groans, his skin rippling with the feeling.
I don’t waste time and move down further, my tongue leaving a damp line as I go. I’m ready to taste him, ready to make him feel good. His fingers tangle in my hair, but this time they don’t push me away. I slide down again, finally level with his belly button and that soft strip of dark hair that leads to where I want to be.
When he realises my intention, I’m roughly pushed away.
I land on my back on the bed, dazed for a second.
“What are you doing?” He snaps and sits up, his body tense and his gaze angry.
“Umm…” I slowly sit up and chew on my lip as my cheeks heat. “Did I hurt you?”
Running a hand through his hair, he pulls his vest down and folds his arms across his chest, almost as if protecting himself. “Go to sleep.”
“What did I do?” That didn’t go as well as I planned.
“Do you make a habit of touching people in their sleep?”
I jerk back, my entire body tensing as pain slices through me. “What?” I say breathlessly.
He rubs his face, his eyes softer when he looks at me. “I thought I was dreaming.”
“I… I’m sorry. Your eyes were half open. I thought… I just…”
He turns over without letting me finish, his back now to me. Do I climb back into bed and hug him from behind?
I try, placing my hand on his back as a way to tell him I want him to turn over. He shrugs me off and rolls onto his front, leaving me tired, confused and sad.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, leaning into his ear. Although I’m not entirely sure what it is I’m apologising for. What man doesn’t want a sneaky blowjob?
I just needed to forget everything for a while.
I just need him to let me know everything is okay, because when I’m with him, I forget everything else.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Dillan wakes me ten minutes before the sun is due to rise. I snatch him up and plant numerous kisses on his face and open mouth. Nathan remains sleeping as I leave the room and head down the stairs. He usually wakes. In fact, I can’t remember a time he hasn’t woken with myself and Dillan. This leads me to believe he’s avoiding me and was most likely faking sleep.
Sigh.
Why can’t things just be okay for longer than a day?
I sit on the couch and yawn quietly as Dillan suckles away, then turn on the TV so I’m not sat in silence with nothing but my thoughts to entertain me.
Dillan finishes after a few minutes and lets out a healthy burp. Playtime at last.
Hidey-boo only gets boring when your baby doesn’t laugh at it anymore. My baby loves it, therefore I could continue for hours, or until he gets bored of it.
The couch sinks beside me but I don’t look up. I’m having a conversation with my son in the form of giggles and babbles.
“Are you hungry?” Nathan asks, his fingers playing with the ends of my hair.
“No thank you,” I snap. Even though I’m mad at him, I can’t forget my manners.
“Thirsty?”
“No thank you. Hidey…” I hold the thin sheet an inch from Dillan’s face before ripping it away. “Boo!”