“No, I’m glad we talked. It’s nice to kind of get it out in the open, you know?”
He kisses my lips gently. “I know.”
“So, shall we go inside?”
Walking over to the pram, he clicks off the brakes and begins pushing Dillan to the door. “It’s probably a good idea.” Once inside, he leans over the baby and carefully lifts him out. “Come on little man. Are these new jeans?”
Snort. “They’re the ones you bought for him.” I smile when Dillan stretches, flexing his long legs out while bringing his arms to his head. When he opens his mouth to yawn, Nathan kisses it, causing Dillan to startle, making his little arms and legs jerk.
I giggle and push the pram into the cupboard by the door.
When I enter the room, Nathan is lying on his back on the ground, raising Dillan above his head before bringing him down to his face and pretending to bite his neck.
Looking at him now, I can’t help but wonder how he could think those things about himself.
This is stupid; this is ridiculous. Is this why he shuts himself off from the world? He truly believes if he allows himself to enjoy sex, eventually he’ll get a taste for darker things? That’s madness.
What the fuck did you do to him you sick bastard? I mentally scream at his grandfather as I make my way into the kitchen, needing privacy for my thoughts.
I don’t know what to do! Genuinely I don’t. I’m completely stuck.
That poor boy. I want to kill the old bastard and string his innards on Mr and Mrs Weston’s Christmas tree! How could they let this happen to him?
I’m so angry I could kick a frog.
No… I’m so angry I could wrap my hands around his father’s neck and squeeze until he took his last breath. And I’m not violent, so these new feelings are ten times worse than they would be on a more aggressive person. I want to act. I want to scream and shout.
After downing a glass of water in an attempt to soothe my nerves, I head to the fridge and start pulling things out. Nathan enters the room with Dillan in his arms as I’m chopping up vegetables to make a salad.
“What are you doing?” He asks, pulling angry and then happy faces at the frowning baby, who can’t seem to focus on what it is Nathan’s doing.
“Making you lunch.” I respond, throwing the veg into a bowl.
“You don’t have to,” he says, placing a calming hand on my shoulder.
“I know.” I wipe the cutting board down and place the chicken breast on the shiny surface. “But I want to, plus this chicken needs eating today or it’ll go off.”
“Isn’t Mummy brilliant?” He asks Dillan, who continues frowning. Nathan then leans forward and kisses the curve of my neck, brushing my hair away with his fingers at the same time. “I’ll take him into the living room, give you some space.”
“Okay,” I whisper, not allowing my emotions to get the better of me.
They leave the room, but not before kissing me again. This makes me smile as I work.
When we sit down to lunch, Nathan stares at me for a while. I pick at my food, not really hungry from this morning’s hearty breakfast. “Is everything okay?”
I admit. “Not really, no.”
“I never did apologise for what happened with Eric.” He wipes his mouth on a napkin and cocks his head whilst looking at me. “I shouldn’t have done that. Would you like me to speak with him?”
“No.” Shaking my head, I give him a weak smile. “It’s done with. There’s no going back now. You talking to him will only make it worse.”
He nods and goes back to eating. “I am sorry. I got jealous. I thought… I guess I was worried that if you spent any more time with him you’d choose him.”
“Forget it; it’s fine. I probably would have reacted the same way. It’s my fault for stringing him along.”
His grin lights up his face, making him look handsome and alluring, “You would have reacted the same way?”
“I have a jealous streak. It’s actually quite severe.” I shamefully admit. “Do you want to do something fun? I feel like we should go out or something.”
He blinks, seemingly shocked by my question. “Cinema?”
“Dillan.” I arch a brow.
“Right. No babies allowed.” His eyes narrow in thought. “We could go to the arcades?”
I snort. “You hate the arcades, the noise, the fact that you have to hold money in your hand...”
“I used to love the racing games. We could do that?”
“Okay.” I smile broadly. “To the pier?”
He nods. “I’ll clean up; you change Dillan and get ready.”
“Are you sure?”
“Absolutely.” He taps his lips when I stand, clearly eager to get ready and get going. Feigning annoyance, I lean over and swiftly press a kiss to his cheek, laughing when he holds my head and kisses my mouth deeply. When I pull back I’m out of breath and tingling all over. It’s not until he gives me a small nudge in the direction of the door that I remember I’m supposed to be getting ready.
I skip the entire time I’m getting ready. I skip with Dillan to the door and then I skip down the driveway when Nathan starts locking up.
He laughs at my enthusiasm, pushing the pram for me so I can skip beside him all the way to the seafront. He immediately stops laughing when I suggest that I get a navel piercing. At this point he releases the pram, grabs the top of my arm and pulls me away from the shiny belly bars.
So unfair.
“It’s my body,” I snap playfully, pulling my top up slightly and frowning at my bare naval.
“No, it is in fact my body. You gave it to me when you gave you to me. You’re not marring your perfection with a tattoo or any kind of metal piercing that could get infected and kill you.”
“Dramatic much?” I mutter, but my thoughts are swiftly broken by the sight of teddies in one of those grabbing machines. “I want one.”
“Now that is something I can allow you to do.”
Three quid later and a whole lot of wailing on my part, we still haven’t won a Winnie the Pooh teddy and Nathan is dragging me away.
Scamming machine.
It’s okay though, because the scent of doughnuts takes my mind off that and I’m quickly moving on.
When we finally make it into the pier, which has a huge arcade running through the entirety of it, we immediately take up a car game where we can race against each other. Nathan places Dillan on his lap, informing me you’re never too young to learn how to drive efficiently, even though Dillan doesn’t know what’s going on, nor can he see above the dashboard. Plus he’s entirely too interested in chewing on his own sock, which he pulled off about twenty seconds ago.
Nathan, seeing this, immediately removes the sock from his mouth and chastises the poor baby for trying to eat something that’s no doubt full of germs and bacteria from his tiny baby feet. I laugh the entire time.
Nathan is so good to him, too good. I think what makes it so amazing is the fact that he doesn’t have to be. It makes me wonder what Caleb would be like.
Would he have been as good as Nathan is, or would the novelty have worn off after a while?
I guess it makes no sense asking a question like that. I should just be grateful for what I have. Which I am, I definitely am.