His eyes drop to my mouth and linger for several seconds. His tongue darts between his lips and licks the bottom one before snagging it with his teeth.
I know what he’s thinking. “I don’t think that’s a very good idea.”
“Why not?”
Because I’m not ready. Because we need to give ourselves time and not rush into anything, blind and hopeful, and then have that hope destroyed later.
“Is it because of Levi?”
“No,” I answer. “It’s about me and who I want to be, Sol. I don’t want to be the kind of person who does things without thinking of the consequences. Levi hates me because of what I did. I never want to hurt anyone like that again. Including you.”
“He doesn’t hate you.”
“Yeah, right.” I shake my head. His eyes search mine, and something in those blue depths makes my chest ache. When he doesn’t answer, I sigh. “I’m so scared, Sol. I don’t want to mess this up again. You mean too much to me.”
“Grace—”
I press one finger over his mouth to silence him, then lower it. I need to get this out.
“Remember our last night together in the hotel room when I ran out on you?” He nods slowly, urging me with his eyes to continue. “I told you I left because I wanted you to claim me out loud and in the open, but that was only partially true. I was scared, Sol. You were so sure of who you were, of what you wanted to be, and I was just floundering. Directionless. I think a part of me clung to you and let us be a secret for so long because it made me feel like I had a purpose, a reason for waking up in the morning other than waiting tables at the diner.” I start picking at an invisible string on the bed sheet.
“I hoped going to school would help me figure things out, but then I ended up diving headfirst into a relationship with Levi, and we both know how that ended.” He gives me a tight smile. I take a deep breath and continue. “I need time to figure things out. The only way I can do that is by finding out who I really am without you or Levi. I already made the mistake of jumping from one relationship to another, and I’m not going to do that with you. You mean too much. This . . .” I point at the space between us. “This relationship means too much. It means everything to me.”
“I know the past has given you reason to doubt me. And I was an idiot for not believing in you.” I pull my hand from his and cup his jaw. “You are not my fail-safe, Sol; you’re not my backup in case things fail to go according to plan, Sol. You are the one. All I ask is please don’t give up on me.”
“I haven’t come this far to give up on you. Don’t you get it, Gracie? I’ll always be the man who fights for you, the man who’s left standing when everyone else is gone.”
My eyes and nose burn as his words echo inside my head. Within seconds, I’m kicking off my shoes and crawling on the bed next to him, desperately needing his arms around me. Even if it’s only for a few minutes.
I nuzzle my face in his chest, full-on sobbing against his hospital gown. “Dammit, Sol. Why are you so good to me? You should hate me. Instead, you’re being super sweet and saying all the right things.”
He brushes his thumb along my cheek, catching a few tears. “I have to admit there are moments when I resent you for not believing in me. For not waiting for me. I was so jealous and angry. But after a lot of soul-searching while we were apart, I fully accept my part in this. That first kiss in the diner and getting to really know you that summer made me realize what I’d been missing. How can I hate you for that? How can I hate you for showing me what happy feels like?”
He takes in a deep breath, and then continues, “Don’t get me wrong. I was happy giving myself to serve God and spread his word. But then you came along, and I experienced the joy of sharing who I am with another human being. I saw the other side of happy, and that’s something I’ll never regret. There are so many options out there to serve Him with you in my life. So, yeah. I’m not giving up on you.”
I’m so swept up in his confession that I open my mouth and blurt out, “I l—” but snap my mouth shut before I can finish that sentence. I love him so much. Would he think I’m saying it because of everything he just told me?
I need to say those words when there’s nothing between us. No secrets or confessions or pain. Only the plain and simple truth.
I start to open my mouth to speak, but the door opens, stopping me. My body goes rigid, and my mind goes into overdrive.
Shit, shit, shit. Is Father Foster here already?
Before I know what’s happening, my body jackknifes, and I topple over the edge of the bed at the same time Sol reaches for my waist to stop me. I shriek while he grabs nothing but air.
My butt hits the floor first, and my legs follow next, kicking the chair and sending it skidding across the floor.
“Oh my God, Grace!” Sol calls out. I glance up and meet his wide-eyed, worried gaze from the bed. “You okay? Are you hurt?”
Stunned into silence, I do a quick internal check and then nod. “Other than my bruised dignity, I’m okay.” Thank God I’m wearing pants, and thank goodness I landed with my back toward the door.
Taking a deep breath, I stand, bracing myself for the look of pure displeasure I’m certain graces Father Foster’s face.
A tall woman with long dark blonde hair steps inside the room, the tap, tap, tap of her heels echoing on the floor. She’s all gorgeous green eyes and heart-shaped face with a defined jaw.
“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to startle you.” Even her voice matches her features. Miss Green Eyes steps closer, hand held out in Sol’s direction. “My name’s Finley Clarke. I’m your physical therapist.” Sol shakes her hand, then drops it back on the bed. She clasps her hands in front of her, her smile brighter than the sun.
My gaze cuts to Sol, only to find him staring with wide, starstruck eyes. A heavy weight settles in my stomach. I shouldn’t feel like this. Moments ago, I literally told him I’m not ready to start anything with anyone.
Ugh.
“I was assigned your case, but I had to leave town on an emergency. I’ve only heard positive things from Wayne. Mind if we do a few exercises? I need to gauge your progress so I can create a plan for the next two weeks.” She looks at me. “Do you mind giving us a few minutes?”
“Of course not,” I say while at the same time Sol says, “Can she stay?”
I face Sol. “It’s fine. I need to head to the diner anyway.” I grab my purse from the chair and sling the strap over my shoulder before flitting my gaze to Finley and her gorgeous face, beautiful hair, and Cupid’s bow lips. Then I breathe through the unfamiliar heat scorching my chest and face Sol. “I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”
He tries to cover his disappointment with a quick, “Okay.”
As I walk toward the door, I feel the weight of his gaze on me, but I refuse to look back. That is, until he calls out, “Gracie?”
I’ll never get tired of the way he says my name. I glance over my shoulder in time to catch the subtle smile on his lips.
“Call me later?”
“Of course.” I lift my hand and wave, then leave the room. From behind the door, Finley says something in a soft, totally feminine voice. I hate it.