“Damn right, you shouldn’t have. That was a dick move, man.”
I clench my fists on my lap, my anger rising to the surface. “Oh, come on, man. You’re a smart guy. You had to have known.”
“Known what?”
“That we weren’t really over. She was still on the rebound. You wanted to fight me when I came to the school to see her last year. Yet you still pursued her. You knew something was still between us, and you didn’t care.”
Levi wheels his chair closer to the bed, his jaw clenched tight and nostrils flaring. “You weren’t even together, okay?” Then he thumps a fist to his chest. “Grace chose me. Maybe if you weren’t such a chicken shit and actually claimed her, made her feel like she was first, she wouldn’t have had to search for someone else. Admit it, you brought this on yourself.”
His words hit me in my gut with ruthless precision.
He’s right. I did bring this on myself. I was the one who couldn’t make up my mind about being a priest. I was the one who wanted to sneak around as if Grace was a tawdry secret I needed to keep, and I was the one who chose to leave the country for months on a mission trip instead of staying and fighting for her. Suddenly, all the fight I was feeling is gone, and I slump back in my bed.
“I’m really sorry,” I say. “I knew you two were together, and I kissed her anyway. It was immature. I’m not proud of myself for stooping so low.”
“Yeah. A total asshole move.”
I nod in agreement. “If she were mine and another man kissed her—”
His brows shoot up in a challenging look. “Yeah?”
I would have probably rearranged that man’s face with my fist. I finish what I want to say in my head. This is not the time to display Neanderthal tendencies.
He laughs, but it sounds sad. “She was never mine to begin with.”
I literally stop breathing, waiting for him to continue.
“I knew she was still hung up on you, but I didn’t care. I pursued her anyway.” He leans forward, fingers tapping on his knee.
“Why?”
His gaze snaps to mine. “Why what?”
“Why did you go after her if you knew that?”
He looks away, his lips going tight. “I don’t know.” He seems to contemplate something for several seconds, then says, “Rebound, I guess. Wounded ego. A little bit of both. Take your pick.” He bites his bottom lip and eyes me as if he’s considering whether to tell me what’s on his mind or not. “My ex-girlfriend hooked up with another man while we were together, then she dumped my ass. Later, she found out she was pregnant. Talk about a punch in the gut.”
“I’m sorry, man.” I remember Ivan telling me what happened between him and his ex. The guilt in my chest digs deeper. “You still love her? Your ex, I mean.”
He’s silent for a few seconds, then nods. “I’m an idiot, huh? She broke my fucking heart, and I’m still in love with her. How pathetic is that?” He laughs and shakes his head. “Love makes a fool of us all.”
I let those words roll around inside my head. Does it? Has love made a fool of me, too? I thought I was strong enough. Strong enough to weather any storm—whatever life threw my way—but look at me now, ready to crawl on my hands and knees. Ready to rip my heart out of my chest and offer it to her on a silver platter just to feel the rush again. She’s mine. Ever mine. Always mine.
And before me is the only man who can take her away from me.
I sigh. “Love makes us better men.” He looks up, eyes wide as if surprised by my words. I grin, suddenly feeling as if I’ve finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel. Or like a love guru, completely in love with the idea of love and the lengths I’d go to for Grace. “If it weren’t for love, the world would have gone up in flames by now.”
“That’s deep.” He flashes me a smile, and I see why Grace fell for him. It’s boyish and charming. “Stop grinning like that. I’m supposed to hate you.”
The smile turns into a smirk. “Welcome to my world, man. I should hate you. Instead, I’m here having a heart-to-heart talk as though we’re best buddies or something.”
“I’ll settle for ‘or something,’” I tease.
His facial expression turns serious. “Yeah. Me too.” He puts his hands on the wheels, rolling the wheelchair back and forth.
I purse my lips. “Shouldn’t you be more pissed off with me than with Grace?”
He exhales, running his fingers through his hair. “I am angry with you. But I guess I’m also kind of grateful too. It’s better to know the truth now than to find out on your wedding night that your wife is still hung up on her ex.” I raise my eyebrows in shock. “Anecdotally speaking, I mean. But you know what really pisses me off?” He pauses, holding my gaze. “She knew what my ex did. She fucking promised she’d never hurt me like that. And I believed her. Most of all, I’m so mad at myself for getting involved with her when I knew all too well she wasn’t over you. And to think I asked her to choose me. What the fuck’s wrong with me?”
What. The. Heck?! “You asked her to choose you? When?”
He laughs bitterly. “Yeah. Probably my ego speaking. She came to see me.”
The words what did she say dance on the tip of my tongue, but I swallow them, afraid of his answer. If she said yes, if she said yes . . . Sucking in a deep breath, I let it out through my mouth to calm the panic raging through me.
When I finally feel like I can breathe without my world shattering, I fix my gaze to his. He deserves to know the truth. “She loves you,” I say. “I mean, Grace. She loves you. You know that, right?”
His hands freeze on the wheels, and he scoffs. “Yeah, right. I could tell by the way she kissed you.”
I ignore his words and continue. “She must have seen something in you. Otherwise, she wouldn’t have bothered.”
Levi averts his gaze and stares at the floor, anger slowly leaching from his face. His head lifts, and our eyes lock, and I can tell he’s thinking over my words. After a moment of contemplative silence, he sighs. “Yeah, whatever. Anyway, I’ll head out.” He lifts a hand in a wave. “See you ’round, man.”
“Yeah, bye, Keenan.”
He turns the wheelchair and inches toward the door, but suddenly stops and looks over his shoulder at me.
“Callan?”
“Yeah?”
His face softens for just a second. “Be good to her, okay? We are all a little broken inside, and some of us need to be loved a little harder.”
I blink at him, stunned by his words. Well, that was unexpected. “I will.”
He nods curtly, then wheels to the door. He curses when his propped-up leg smacks the wall.
“Need help over there?” I ask.
He glances over his shoulder. “Nah. Just sit there and look pretty. Helps me focus.”
I laugh, glad the awkwardness from before is gone. “Hold on a sec. I’ll call the nurse to help you.”
I jab the nurse call button on the remote. A nurse appears moments later and helps Levi. He throws one last glance in my direction and waves. “Later, Callan.”
Then he’s gone before I can get out my reply, leaving me stewing in guilt. On top of that, the pain medication is wearing off. I feel like a wrecking ball just went through my leg, so I reach for the nurse call button. The same nurse from a few minutes ago enters the room, and I let her know about the pain. After she heads out to grab the morphine, I close my eyes and take deep breaths. I envision Grace’s face in my head as my anchor to keep me from going insane.