Then I glance at Ivan, but something catches my eye, causing my heart to slam against my bruised ribs. Right behind MJ, Grace hovers just inside the door, arms wrapped around her waist, and her bottom lip trapped between her teeth.
“Hi,” she whispers, her shoulders hunched to her ears as if she’s protecting herself from an unexpected blow. Her gaze darts from me to my mom to Jet, then back to me.
Instantly, Mom shifts to stand at my side as if she’s protecting me.
“You have no business being in here,” she says with clenched teeth. I’ve never heard her use that tone before.
Grace’s arms tighten around her midriff. MJ retraces her steps to stand next to her as if she’s her bodyguard. “I just wanted to see how you are doing and, um, maybe talk?” Grace says in a small voice.
My hands bunch into tight fists, and I try to swallow around the heat burning my throat.
Mom’s chin jerks up. “Now’s not the time.”
“He can speak for himself, Mom,” Jet says, carefully getting to his feet while cradling a sleeping Annie in his arms. He gives me a look before heading for the door, pausing to whisper, “Hey, ladies.”
“Could you give us a few minutes?” I say to the room in general. “Grace and I need to talk.” I’m not even sure how the words manage to pass through the lump of anger in my throat.
My mother whirls to stare at me. “I don’t think that’s wise. You’re not strong enough—”
“Mom, please.” I reach for her hand. “I can handle this.”
Gentle eyes roam my face as if trying to gauge the truth in my words. Then she ducks down and kisses my forehead. “I’ll be right outside. Just yell if you need anything.”
Mom straightens and walks toward the door, halting her steps when she nears Grace. Grace mutters, “I’m so sorry, Mrs. Keenan,” in a shaky voice before dropping her eyes to the floor.
Mom’s shoulders noticeably loosen, and her features soften. She’s always had a soft spot for Grace. She lifts her hand as if she’s about to touch Grace, but it hovers above her hair for several seconds before dropping it to her side, then she walks out the room.
I face Ivan, my brows raised. “You too, dude.”
“Oh. Right.” He scratches his head and strides to the door, taking MJ with him and closing the door behind him.
The silence that follows is so thick it’s stifling.
“You wanted to talk?” I ask her, the pain and the betrayal that was being numbed by the morphine seeping through my veins and filling me.
She licks her lips. “H-how are you feeling?”
“What do you think? Do you even care? Are you here because you feel obligated?”
Her chest expands on an inhale. Exhale. “I know you won’t believe this—and nothing I can say will ever make what I did right—but I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry.”
I narrow my eyes at her. “For what, exactly?” When she doesn’t say anything, I press on. “You told me nothing was going on between you two. Then I found you two kissing. You kissed him, Grace. How messed up is that?”
“Sol and I . . .” Her words trail off.
“Don’t tell me it didn’t mean anything because—”
Her head shoots up. “That’s not what I’m saying.”
“So it meant something?”
“Please don’t do this, Levi.” Her voice shakes.
But I’m on a roll. “Just answer me one question. Did you ever love me?” I lift my hand to stop her. “Wait. Don’t answer that.”
She sighs, unwrapping her arms from her waist and running her fingers through her hair. “I know it’s too soon, but could you ever forgive me? You have all the right to hate me, Levi. I hate myself for what I did to you both.”
“If I say yes, would you choose me? Choose me instead of him?” I can’t believe I’m asking her this. There’s something seriously wrong with me.
Her eyes widen, and her mouth opens and closes a few times. Finally, she says, “You’d still take me back, even after everything?”
“Depends.” See? Crazy with a capital C. I need to get my head checked.
“On what?”
I sigh. “Choose me. I still love you, Grace. But I hate you so much too. Hell, I don’t even know what I’m saying or feeling right now.”
Her eyes squeeze tight. “Your heart beats for someone else, Levi. You still have feelings for Jessica. We both know that.”
“So does yours, yet here we are,” I counter. Her eyes peel open, and I see the pool of tears lingering there. Fuck. What the hell am I doing? I’m just setting us up for pain, but I’m like a runaway train heading for imminent crash.
“You can have my love and friendship, and I do love you, Levi, but I can’t give you hope. That would be wrong. The devastation I left behind is just too big, the damage too hard to repair. The ashes from the fire haven’t even settled yet. And I’m at the center of it all.” She shakes her head. “I can’t repeat the same mistake. The last one almost cost me you and Sol.”
“But you love me?”
“How could I not? You are the boy who made me smile when I thought I’d never smile again.”
“So you’re choosing him?”
“No, I’m not.” Her back straightens, and she lifts her chin. The woman standing several feet away is no longer the scared little girl who walked into my room several minutes ago. Chin up, shoulders back, head high. A part of me, that part that’s not angry and hazy from morphine, applauds her. “I’m choosing me.”
Her words linger in the air between us for several moments. Then she says, “I’m really glad you’re doing better. I have to go.”
“Yeah,” I mutter.
With one last glance, Grace opens the door and strides out.
As soon as I step outside the room and pull the door shut, I slump on the wooden surface and double over, gulping for breath. I’m not even sure what I’m feeling right now, but relief is at the top of the list. Levi is okay. He’s okay.
I close my eyes, and his face appears behind my lids, bitterness and anger filling his features.
His words replay in my head. Choose me. The simmering anger and disappointment, but mostly anger. I could have chosen the easy way out, but that’s just not who I am anymore. Choosing the easy way out is what got me into this mess.
“Grace.” A familiar voice cuts through the emotional roller coaster raging a storm inside me. I glance up and meet Mrs. Keenan’s gaze, a mix of disappointment and gentleness. I don’t deserve the latter.
Her eyes move to the space behind me, and I realize I’m blocking her way in. “Sorry,” I mutter and skirt around her, then scuttle down the hallway. I’m a coward. I should have hung back to see if she wanted to talk, but I took off. After the conversation with Levi, I don’t think I could have handled any more talks.
I send MJ a text, asking where she is. A few seconds later, a message pops up on my screen, letting me know she’s in the waiting area with my mom.
“How did it go?” MJ whispers when I sit on the chair between her and my mother.