Instead, he just shook his head.
“Okay.” James drew the word out, then slapped his knee. “Did you really think anyone finding you and Brian grinding on each other, talking about fucking, would just smile and congratulate you on lying to us all this time?”
“Like you and Elle lied to us about not being together for a year?”
“We didn’t lie. We just didn’t tell you. For your sake, actually. Elle didn’t want to hurt you.”
The tension was building, and while Andrew wanted to air it all out between them and make sure James was aware of certain things, he didn’t want it actually turning into a fight.
Calmly, Andrew said, “And Brian and I didn’t lie either. We just didn’t tell you.”
Lips pressed into a thin line, James looked at his drink intently. “But Brian said he wasn’t gay—”
“No, he didn’t. He didn’t say anything about it. You just assumed. You, James. You didn’t listen to what Elle was saying and just heard what you wanted to hear. Then you spread it to Troy. And what you saw on the weekend doesn’t erase the fact that you needed to apologise to Brian. You don’t say ‘I’m sorry’ because someone is gay. You say sorry for being a narrow-minded dickhead who makes assumptions about their friend behind their back.”
James twitched in his chair, then leaned over and put his glass on the coffee table before standing up to pace. “I know. I get that. And I am sorry I rushed to the wrong assumptions. All of them! But Andrew, you’re like a brother to me. So is Brian. And you’re banging each other!”
“And you’re banging my ex.”
That pulled James up short. With his hands clenched and shoulders tense, he looked like he was going to explode, but after a moment, his body relaxed and he threw his hands up in defeat. “I thought you were okay with that.”
Andrew snorted. “I am now. I wasn’t back then. I still didn’t know why Elle had left me and then I had to watch you and her be stupidly happy together. That hurt. A lot. Especially when I was going through one of the most terrifying things to ever happen in my life. And I get how selfish that sounds. Just because my life got derailed and fucked over doesn’t mean everyone else’s has to stop, too.”
James plopped back down into his chair. “Man, I’m so sorry.”
“You and Elle did all the right things. You were there for me, gave me everything I needed from my friends, but you couldn’t hide how deliriously happy you were. I was depressed and sick from the chemo and some days . . . some days it was all I could do just to get out of bed to piss. I look back at it now and it scares me just how far gone I was. On top of that, I was sad, too. Jealous of you and Elle, not because I wanted Elle back, but because I wanted what you had found with each other, and yet it had never felt further out of reach.”
Andrew paused and took a deep breath to steady himself. It was hard saying all that, but it had to be said. Not because Brian had blurted out the wrong thing while upset, but because Andrew needed to keep being honest for his own sake. And if that lost him James as a friend, it would be a loss but not one he couldn’t deal with.
“Brian and I weren’t sleeping together while I was with Elle. I did feel things for him that I hadn’t acknowledged and therefore never acted on. He didn’t know. Not until I couldn’t handle the sadness anymore and I needed something to reach for. He’s always been there for me, always been my foundation, and I’m not going to lose him. Not over this stupid misunderstanding. I lost a testicle, and a lot of other, more important things, to the cancer. The ball’s gone forever, but the rest of it? That I can get back and I don’t care if you can’t handle me being bi, or me and Brian being together, or if one architect out of hundreds is a sleazy arsehole. I’m going to be an architect, and I’m going to get Brian back, and, even though it was guilt and the cancer that probably made you ask me, I’m going to bloody well stand up there with you as your best man when you and Elle get married. Because god knows what stunt Troy would pull in the middle of the ceremony if it was him.”
James’s laugh was startled and cut short, but the corners of his mouth were turned up as he said, “Right?”
“Right.” Andrew drained his glass, wetting down his dry throat. He definitely felt lighter, getting some of the misery off his chest, but it was scary waiting for James to process it all and decide if he still wanted to be friends or not. And when the silence went on too long, Andrew added, “None of that is your fault. It’s not anything anyone consciously decided to do to hurt anyone else. I just . . . needed to say it. Maybe if I’d spoken up sooner about how I was feeling we all could have been a lot clearer with each other about things.”
“Yeah.” James stretched the word out, ending on a sigh. “I wish you had told us just how bad it was for you. I would have done more. Anything you needed.”
Andrew shrugged and all his reasons for not talking about it swarmed back in. “There wasn’t much you could have done. It would have just made you sad as well, and one party-pooper was enough.” He gave James a reassuring smile.
“Brian got you through it, though.”
A blush warmed Andrew’s cheeks. “Yeah. So, are you okay with us?”
“It took me a bit to wrap my head around it, but yeah, I’m okay with you guys being together. You make each other happy, so that’s all that matters.” He chuckled dryly. “The timing was pretty shit, though. You gotta admit that.”
Andrew huffed in agreement. “We could have been more discrete.”
“Would have been a good start. I was still a dick and I’m sorry.”
“Thanks.” Andrew stood and motioned James up. He pulled him into a tight hug. “We good?”
“Yeah, mate. All good. And it wasn’t only guilt and the cancer that made me ask you to be best man.” James’s arms tightened. “Love you, bro. Any time you need to unload on me, you have my consent. Just not on the face.”
Andrew pulled back sharply. “Is that a gay sex joke?”
“Get used to them. Troy’s probably been storing them up.”
Seriously not wanting to, Andrew laughed anyway.
“So, have you seen Elle?” James followed Andrew into the kitchen as he took the glasses to the sink.
“She’s staying here.” What was one more truth amongst the many?
“That’s great. I was worried about where she’d gone. Is Brian at work?”
Andrew set the glasses down and shrugged. “I guess so. He’s staying at a friend’s place for a while.” He gave a worried James the same brief explanation he’d given Elle, then said he would be late for his appointment if James hung around much longer.
The look in James’s eyes as he left had Andrew wondering, again, if he should give Brian a heads-up. Deciding against it, again, he instead re-read the draft email that had been sitting on his phone for several days.
Like he’d told Brian, Frank Reynolds of Reynolds Designs was one of Andrew’s favourite architects and had been his second option for a job as a graduate architect after Green Life Homes. Apart from the fact they didn’t have eco-friendly designs as one of their focuses, their office was in Brisbane. If Andrew worked for them, he’d have to commute every day, or move. This was what he wanted, though. To be an architect, and that wouldn’t happen if he didn’t take the first steps. He hit send.