Before I can stop him, I hear Eliana’s scream, and everything but her is immediately forgotten. I push through the crowd, quickly catching up with Jaxx and Abel running up from the subbasement where they were helping Andrew with an interrogation.
“Move!” I shout and freeze when I finally see her. No, not my Eliana. Not again.
Eliana
“Fucking move. Move!” I hear Costin yell as Jaxx and Abel help to push through the gathered crowd to get to me. I wanted to make them see me; here’s my chance. Go big, or go home, Eliana. Reaching around to my back, I slowly pull down the zipper, allowing the straps of my dress to fall from my shoulders, sliding down my arms, pooling at my feet, and step out of it. “You ruined my dress, bitch. May as well use it to clean yourself up.” I turn to my guys, who have frozen, and look each one in the eyes, refusing to be ignored another second. With my head held high, shoulders back, and wearing nothing but a tiny black thong, I own the room. “You’re late, again.” Then, I turn, walking towards the stairs to the main floor, passing Richard on my way out, and causing him to choke on his drink. Great, Daddy will be thrilled.
“Munchkin, wait.” Jaxx reaches for my arm, but I pull away, noticing Costin and Abel stayed behind. I know that the others can’t follow me, but it still hurts. I want my family back. Our games have turned into reality. We aren’t playing roles anymore, and there is nothing I can do to stop it.
“Baby, please? What happened? You’re bleeding.”
“Don’t worry about it, Jaxx. Fuck knows none of you have spared me a single thought lately anyways.” I shiver.
Pulling off his jacket, he covers me and smirks. “You have always been my priority; you know that. Did you really have to get naked? I’m sure the basement is buzzing over my fiancée now.”
“Got your damn attention, didn’t it? That’s the thing, though, Jaxx. My whole life, you all told me how special I am, that I am worth more than an easy fuck. But when I needed you all the most, you showed me where I really ranked next to them. Showed the whole room what your fiancée truly means to you.” I stress the word fiancée mockingly and wipe away a tear that escapes. “I’m going back to my room. This was a bad idea, and she ruined my favorite dress. I was going to wear that to the next 3J concert to see Jonah.” I stomp, and he flinches. Good.
“Come on, baby. I’m coming with you. I’m done for the night and planned on coming up shortly anyways.” He leads me up to my room.
“Don’t do that, Jaxx. I only want you with me if you want to be there, not because you feel guilty.”
“Listen, there is nowhere else I would rather be.” He closes the door behind us and reaches for me, trying to remove the jacket. “Hey, you’re dripping blood.”
“I’m fine. Besides, I’m naked under here.” I step away, gesturing up and down my body.
“Trust me, I didn’t forget,” he rasps out. “However, I do need to get a look at that arm. Who knows what cut you. It could be-“
“I know what cut me, Jaxx. It’s fine. I’m fine.” I look at him. “I’m not fragile; I think I’ve proven that by now. Besides, there isn’t anything left of me to hurt.” I shrug. “I need a shower. I have tramp spit on me and who knows what else. Seriously, gross. Y’all nasty.”
“Y’all? That’s not my thing, baby. Never has been. Well, not since I left puberty behind.” He brushes back his hair.
“It’s not? Then, why are you down there? Why leave me up here alone?”
“Some things are best left unsaid, baby. I work for your dad. I go where he needs me, and that mess needs monitoring. Keeps them safe while they have fun, and I get to watch for other dangers.”
“It’s about me, isn’t it?” He nods. “Why not tell me? Why just leave me here? All of you left me again and didn’t even look back.”
“There is nothing to tell that helps. It’s all-” I hold up my hand, stopping him.
“Actually, Jaxx, I don’t want to talk about it. It doesn’t matter. I just want to shower and enjoy you being here for now. I don’t want to spend the time I get with you angry. Find us something to watch? I’ll be back.”
I go into the bathroom and shut the door without waiting on an answer. If he does leave, I will actually fling myself from my bedroom window like I threatened to as a child.
I start the water, dropping his jacket and my thong to the floor. When I step inside, I run my hand through my hair, flinching when the warm water hits my open cut, causing Bethany’s bracelet to wrap around some of the wet strands. I try gently untangling my hair from the delicate chain fighting through the burn in my arm, but the custom charm breaks free and hits the tiled floor with a resounding clink. Kneeling down, I ignore the fact that the water is tinted red and lift the tiny message from the floor, fighting back tears, and read the inscription. ‘Love Remembers’… and I have been completely forgotten. Just like I forgot about them. My control shatters, and the emotions I have worked so hard to keep bottled up all hit me at once.
I smell Joshua as if he is in the room with me, close enough to feel but too far away to hold. His absence casts a constant darkness over my soul, and the guilt of still loving Costin through it all is eating me alive. Will it ever stop hurting? I collapse under the weight of my guilt, shatter from the pain of my losses, and I release my torment in a scream that reflects the never-ending suffering of my soul. Falling to the floor, I curl up in a ball and hold tight to my necklace, no longer caring enough to muffle my loud shuddering sobs.
“How does Iron Man sound- Baby, what’s wrong?” Jaxx rushes into the shower, scooping me up in his arms and searching my face. “Talk to me.”
“It hurts.”
“What hurts? Your arm? Fuck, you’re still bleeding!”
“Everything. Everything hurts, Jaxx. Make it stop. Please, help me. Make it stop. I can’t… I can’t breathe.”
“What can I do, baby?”
“Make me forget, please. Just for a little while.” I cling to him, pressing my bare chest to his wet shirt.
He studies me for a fraction of a second before nodding and lifting me from the floor. Walking us out of the bathroom, he grabs a towel from the sink as we go.
“Jaxx…” I beg, clinging to him desperately.
“I know, Munchkin. Hang tight; I’ve got you. I will always catch you.” He carries me through my room, laying me softly on the bed, then unfolds the towel he grabbed from my vanity, leaning in to cover me. But I reach up, stopping him.
“Please, Jaxx, make me feel something other than pain. I can’t take the loneliness anymore.”
“I know, baby, but your arm needs bandages and your freezing. Let me take care of you, okay?” Jaxx asks, wrapping the plush towel around me. He rubs the chilled drops from my back and shoulders with even more tenderness than he did when I was a little girl running from our pool, shivering. Giggling through chattering teeth and nearly blue lips, I would dodge his attempts to care for me for as long as I could. Always launching myself into at least one more front flip back into the pool before he and Costin would manage to drag me in for a warm shower. I cling to that memory, mourning our long lost, carefree laughter.