“She barely costs me anything,” I sighed.
“Right now when all she has is boob milk and a few tiny outfits you can live off love alone but we can’t have her here whilst you work forever,” Serena added. She was a few years older than me at twenty-eight, had long, blonde hair that she always wore in two braids and like Gail she was tall and slender, they both towered above me. She didn’t have kids, she was single and mingling. She wasn’t stupid.
“When she gets bigger you need child care and shoes and a pram,” Gail shook her head, “the father needs to be held accountable. He should pay.”
“I don’t need a pram, I have the sling and the father,” I scoffed, “he doesn’t want to know.”
“Tough shit,” Gail said with venom, “he wanted to know at one point and why should you be left holding the baby, so to speak. You’ll need a buggy or something eventually, she’ll get too heavy to lug around in that carrier soon.”
“Penny?” Eden asked sweetly, she was almost sixteen and such a beautiful young girl, not awkward like I had been at sixteen. She was so lucky to have Gail and Jim as parents as they were just the best. She was her mother’s image and Gail wanted her to be a dancer, just as she had been.
“Yeah?” I responded.
“Who is the father?” she asked.
Gail took a deep breath and Serena widened her eyes and gave me an I’m sorry look. I was surprised she had no idea or that Gail hadn’t ranted about the whole situation at home to Jim. Eden must have been in her own world the past few months not to have known.
“Ivy was meant to be someone else’s baby Eden,” I gave her a tight, sad smile, I rubbed Ivy’s head gently as she sucked the goodness out of my withering body. “I was carrying her for a childless couple, they were desperate for a baby and I was going to help.”
“Oh right,” she looked confused.
“Penny was a surrogate for a hoity-toity woman and her husband but ....” Gail told her, squeezing her hand lovingly, “then the lady died.”
“Oh sorry Pen,” Eden smiled shyly, “I thought you were getting her adopted and changed your mind.”
I shook my head, “it was all supposed to be so different for Ivy,” I swallowed hard, “I guess time will tell if I made the right choice.”
“You had no choice!” Gail barked, “he went back on the deal, leaving you high and dry.”
“You could have still had her adopted,” Eden said but seemed to suck the words back once they were released into the room. Gail looked alarmed and Serena grabbed her tea.
“I grew up in care,” I told Eden calmly, “I could never do that to Ivy.”
“You need to get the CSA on his case, yesterday,” Gail said with a disgruntled tone. “He shouldn’t be able to make a life and change his mind about it when his life didn’t turn out the way he expected.”
“He’s grieving,” I sighed.
“He’s got responsibilities!” Gail shook her head and her lips were pursed, “do it!” she nodded with wide-eyed instruction.
“I’ll think about it.”
Chapter 4 – Jemma
SHE MET MATTHEW LARSON at university, he was a southern charmer with a tall, muscular physique, brown hair and those gorgeous blue eyes like nothing she had seen before. They studied at Newcastle, he was in one of her Social Policy classes and she noticed him from the first day. His hair was floppy and unruly and on certain days he wore glasses to class. He wore long, board shorts year round with either hoodys, t-shirts or knitted sweaters with various designer emblems on them. He was beautiful and her stomach fluttered whenever she caught sight of him.
She’d seen him around the Halls of Residence, he wasn’t in her building but there was a bar in between all five buildings and she’d seen him in there. There was also a canteen above the bar where she’d seen him laughing with friends, shuffling his tray along the glider through to payment. He didn’t notice her and she became borderline obsessed with him.
Jemma was from Edinburgh, she was shy and it was her first time away from home. Although she had no body issues she never managed to show off her assets like the other girls on campus but her dark, brown hair and naturally dark skin were good basics to start with. The other girls always seemed so well thrown together and their makeup was immaculate. Jemma didn’t fall into their category.
She made some great friends and that first year was a dream come true, she only visited home when she had to. She watched Matthew from afar, she hoped one day that she would pluck up the courage to speak to him.
One summer night, a week before her first year was due to end and she would go back to Scotland until autumn, she left a club alone. Her friends wanted to stay and she felt ready to leave, Newcastle was a safe city. There were always people roaming the streets, they were friendly and getting a cab home with some chips alone was not a dangerous task.
She wore a dress that a year ago she wouldn’t have even tried on in the shop, it was royal blue and fitted to her toned figure like a glove. Her friend Hazel had taught her the importance of good underwear and Rene had taught her how to curl her hair which gave her some volume. She could thank all her new friends for the makeup tips. She walked confidently yet tired to the takeout and queued behind a rowdy bunch of guys.
“Jemma!” One of them turned, he recognised her from their halls and she smiled.
“Hi Jez,” she grinned, he bent to hug her. He was a huge rugby player who had dated Rene for a few months earlier in the year. It hadn’t worked out but they were all still friends. Jez was friends with everyone.
“Everyone, Jemma!” he announced and she grinned shyly. “You alone?” he asked, he swayed a little on his feet as he wrapped a big, meaty arm around her.
“Yeah,” she sighed with a smile, “I left the party people, I’d had enough and my feet hurt.”
“Well you’ll get a taxi back with us then.” he said with surety. “No way are we letting a damsel get a taxi home alone.”
“Oh, um,” she said uneasily, looking up at the big crowd of burly men. Just then she caught sight of that familiar scruffy hair and within the noise saw Matthew. His hair was more styled than usual, he wore jeans, she instantly missed the sight of his toned legs with a smattering of light, brown hair in his usual shorts. He wore a dark dress shirt and a pair of sunglasses despite it being almost two in the morning. She smiled at him and he lowered the sunglasses, those dark, blue ocean coloured eyes honing in on her and he grinned as if seeing her for the very first time.
He stepped between the guys who were laughing and some biting into kebabs. He pushed the glasses up to the top of his head, cocked his head to the side and she could tell by his gaze that he was drunk. “Who’s this?” he asked, not taking his eyes off Jemma.
“Jemma,” she uttered just as Jez pulled her into him again, her body squashed by his huge frame but her dark eyes remained fixed on Matt.
“Jemma,” he said her name in his clipped, southern accent and it made her heart somersault at the sound.
“Order Jem,” Jez instructed. “We’ll wait outside.”