I pushed my chair back to stand as he rounded the desk and put his hand out to shake mine, “my wife is dead!” I said keeping my voice as steady as I could manage, “my hopes for a family died with her.”
He nodded and there was that sympathetic look again, he walked me to the door and I darted from his office like my pants were on fire. I hated bad advice but even more I hated advice that directly contradicted the way I wanted things to go. Shit.
Chapter 8 – Jemma
MATTHEW AND JEMMA TEXTED and emailed over the summer. They hadn’t kissed the night he’d first noticed her but had swapped phone numbers and she had heard nothing from him until she was safely back in Edinburgh.
Matt: How is the Scottish summer weather?
Jemma: Grim haha
Matt: What are your plans over summer?
Jemma: Working at my uncle’s cafe and then Ibiza with the girls, you?
Matt: Working for my dad and family break to Mexico x
Jemma: Sounds awesome, do you have a big family?
Matt: Two little bratty sisters J, parents still together, so average, you?
Jemma: One brother he’s three years older and married so we don’t see him too much, parents are separated and both remarried. It’s complicated J
Matt: Have fun in Ibiza!
Jemma: You too in Mexico.
Subject: Summer
Friday 03/07 13:52
Jemma,
I am bored out of my brain working up invoices in my dad’s office, wishing I was in some beer garden with my mates. What are you doing?
Matt xx
Subject: Re: Summer
Friday 03/07 16:00
Hey Matt,
Great to hear from you, oh being bored is so rubbish! The days at the cafe are so bloody busy I have no time to be bored and my feet ache like a mo fo!
Some guy came in today and asked me if I was Spanish, started speaking Spanish to me, I totally laughed my head off. He was embarrassed when I told him no and left me a big tip.
Off out tonight with my school friends into Edinburgh, so soaking my feet in preparation for heels.
Hope you get to the beer garden soon J
Jemma xxx
Subject: Heels
Friday 03/07 16:30
Jemma,
Please describe said heels .....
Matt xx
Subject: Re: Heels
Friday 03/07 16:45
Matt,
They are just black and strappy, that’s all. Nothing fancy haha
However the dress I am wearing leaves little for the imagination ....
Jemma xx
Subject: Dress
Friday 03/07 17:00
Jemma,
Leaving work now and heading straight to the beer garden to meet my friends, thoughts of said dress are making me remember how awesome you looked in the blue dress a few weeks ago!
Matt xx
Subject: Re: Dress
Friday 03/07 17:15
Matt,
It’s amazing what makeup and good bra can do ;-)
Jemma xx
Subject: Bra
Friday 03/07 17:00
Jemma,
Now thinking about the bra, be good tonight Jem, speak soon!!!
Matt xx
Jemma stared at his last email for a long time with a huge grin on her face, finally Matthew Larson had noticed her and she wasn’t sure if the real guy could live up to the fantasy she had created in her head.
When she returned to university in September she figured out that not only had their virtual flirting reached fever pitch but Matt was just as happy to see her as she was to see him.
Chapter 9 - Five Months Old
Penny
“I’VE FOUND A CHILDMINDER,” I said to Gail as I patted my sweaty chest down with a towel after teaching my seniors street dance class.
“Yeah?” she grinned as she held a gurgling Ivy, who smiled brightly as soon as she saw me. “Any news on the CSA?” she asked and my mood plummeted.
I could still see the icy stare and hatred of the father of my child, glaring down at me in the pouring rain. I understood, he was grieving the loss of his wife and didn’t want to be reminded of our situation but I was struggling. I hated that I needed him but it was true as Gail kept reminding me, he had willingly participated in the conception so why should he not contribute to her upkeep?
I had returned to all my teaching which was a few late afternoon days during the week and a full day on Saturdays, however I used to teach yoga three nights a week and needed to get back to that too. So I had to find a child minder with unusual working hours and that wasn’t cheap. I was eligible for Universal Credit which helped but didn’t cover everything. I had to be very sensible with my money so I could keep the roof over our heads and pay all the bills. I must be mad, adoption would have been the easy option.
“He’s going to pay,” I sighed, “he paid for the DNA test but I think it was a stalling tactic, I get £400 a month starting next month.”
“That’s a pittance.” Gail sounded disgusted as she kissed Ivy’s chubby cheek.
“It’s more than I expected,” I said, taking Ivy from her and kissing her adorable cheek myself. She had his eyes, those same eyes that speared hatred through me in the street, my hair was naturally light as my mother’s had been but hers was muddied by his DNA and I could tell by my brief meetings with him that she favoured his looks quite strongly. My mother’s Nordic roots had been diluted by his genes. I loved Ivy regardless.
“Will it cover childcare?” she asked with concern.
“It’ll help,” I gave her a sad smile. “I’ll manage. Maybe I need to look for another job.”
“I’ll do the yoga nights,” she blurted out, “me, Eden and Jim will help out.”
I smiled, “you live a half hour bus ride away,” I sighed, “thanks but I’m not sure how that’ll work.”
“We’ll make it work,” she moved forward to hug me, “I promise.” She was a good few inches taller than me and so even though she weighed less than a gnat, her hugging still felt parental and comforting.
“Thanks Gail,” I said as my cheek rested on her chest.
“You’re like one of my own, Pen.” She rubbed my back, “of course!”
I left late afternoon classes and clambered aboard the bus with Ivy strapped to my chest, as usual. I still hadn’t purchased a buggy, I didn’t need one and it negated the need to keep dismantling the thing to board the bus or walk up the stairs to my second floor flat. It was January and cold. Christmas had been none eventful for both Ivy and I. My dads had sent money from Spain so I could buy stuff for her but I spent a lot of it bulking up on nappies and other necessities so I knew I wouldn’t run out. Gail invited me for Christmas Day and so we went over for a few hours but the evening was spent cuddled up together whilst I watched repeats on the BBC of old Christmas classics.