“Rose, you’re scaring me. Talk to me.” She heard Seth’s voice from a distance. Then: “We don’t have to do anything else tonight.”
“No!” She almost yelled the word. It seemed to echo in the small space. Wincing, she said more quietly, “No, I want this. I want you.” She was panting, and then she was climbing into his lap before she could let the panic take over again.
“I want you more than I’ve ever wanted anyone in my whole life,” she whispered against his lips. She stroked her hands down his chest, and he shuddered. His cock bobbed between them, a reminder of how much he wanted her.
Rose knew she couldn’t let what Johnny had done to her stop her from living. Don’t live your life in fear.
“Can I be in charge?” Rose asked. She tried to smile, but it felt forced.
Seth was nonplussed, but when he nodded and didn’t touch her, she found herself falling in love with him even more. She didn’t deserve this man, but she vowed she would try to be worthy of him.
Setting her hands on his shoulders, she maneuvered between them until she took hold of his cock. He hissed, and she almost dropped him when he said, “No, don’t stop. Don’t ever stop.”
Slowly, and somewhat awkwardly, she lodged the tip of him in her entrance, and inch by inch, she took him inside. It was a tight fit, and Rose was certain she couldn’t take any more of him when she slid down a little further. Finally, he was lodged to the hilt, and Rose couldn’t stop gasping.
It was too much, yet never enough. She laid her head on his shoulder for a moment. She couldn’t stop shaking, but this time, it wasn’t out of fear. The fear seemed to have crept away—for now.
She’d take the respite, no matter how short-lived it was.
Rose began to rise up and down, riding him in a leisurely rhythm, and all the while, Seth didn’t touch her. Tipping her head back, she concentrated solely on the feeling of his cock inside her, the sound of his breathing, the smell of his sweat. Her nails dug into his shoulders, and he bucked a little.
The orgasm that had begun to twist and turn inside of her earlier returned, and before she knew it, she was bouncing on him faster and faster. Chasing her release with every stroke.
Seth said her name, swearing, and Rose took his hands and placed them on her breasts. He kissed her, the kiss wild in its intensity, as they both chased their own peaks. He thumbed her nipples, which sent sensations of pleasure straight to her core.
She was so close—so close. When Seth bit the side of her neck, the sharp nip was all that she needed to come right then. She shouted his name, panting and gasping, and it was only his arms around her that kept her upright.
“Fuck, Rose, so good,” he said, and then a few moments later she felt his cock twitch and he was coming, too, his own orgasm seemingly endless.
She felt float-y, light, and she laughed. She laughed until Seth gave her a strange look, but then he was smiling, too. She hugged him close and kissed him. This resulted in him telling her that if she kept that up, he’d have her all over again in the next few minutes.
“I wouldn’t mind,” she admitted. Seth just groaned.
He carried her to his bedroom after that, going to the bathroom to get rid of the condom and return with a washcloth for them both. She could barely move, her mind and her body languid. Could bones melt? Because she was fairly certain hers had.
Seth got into bed with her and slung an arm around her waist. The feel of his breath on her neck, the way his fingers traced light patterns on her belly, and the sound of his breathing when he fell asleep all came together to feel almost unbearably intimate.
She’d never slept with a man before—not literally. Not like this.
The tears came without warning. They spilled onto the pillow, and Rose bit her tongue to keep from making any noise. She wasn’t sure if these were tears of release or tears of regret or both. Maybe they were just tears to wash away everything ugly that had happened to her.
I’ll never regret loving Seth, she thought. This night had been the most beautiful of her life, yet that didn’t stop that old friend of hers—panic—from coming back around again. It always did.
She forced herself not to bolt, though, and she prayed that this wave would pass until she could sleep as peacefully as Seth was right now. Memories of Johnny mixed together with the memories of tonight, and that made her stomach churn. She couldn’t bear having Johnny taint this.
Rose closed her eyes and took one deep breath, and then another. She wiped away the tears, although a few stray ones still spilled over. When she was certain Seth was fast asleep, she rose from the bed and went to the bathroom to rinse her face in cold water. She brushed her teeth for good measure upon finding an extra toothbrush, because it made this seem normal. It made her seem normal.
She’d been a virgin when Johnny had raped her. In her mind, she’d still been a virgin until tonight. That made her smile. What woman would regret giving her virginity to a man as handsome and amazing as Seth Thornton? Certainly not her. She was glad that this time, it was her choice—and only her choice.
When she returned to Seth’s bed, she smiled: she could just make out his sleeping face. He seemed so much younger when he was asleep. She prayed that he wouldn’t awaken with any nightmares, and she prayed that she wouldn’t either.
Climbing in beside him, she placed his arm back over her like a protective shield and then laced their fingers together. He mumbled something in his sleep before she felt sleep claim her, too.
Chapter Fifteen
Rose knew her happiness couldn’t last. The morning after, she went to her apartment to shower and get ready for work. Seth had made it difficult for her to leave, though, as he’d kept kissing her and luring her back into bed. After they’d eaten breakfast, he’d carried her to his bed again, the sex slow and tender and so amazing Rose couldn’t believe any of it was real.
Toweling her hair dry, she heard her phone ring. Her heart beat in excitement, thinking it was Seth, but when she saw it was an unknown number, her heart sank.
“Hello?” she answered. She refused to sound scared.
“Rosie, it’s been too long. I got your message,” said Johnny, his voice almost jovial. “I’d love to meet with you, but I don’t have much time to waste. How about Saturday afternoon, at the Sanditon Pass?”
“That’s at least an hour away. I don’t have a car—”
“Figure it out.” His jovial tone melted away. “Either agree to meet me there, or you can kiss your boyfriend and your brother goodbye.”
“And what if I say no?” She didn’t know why she was trying to provoke him. Maybe because she was just so tired of capitulating to his demands.
He laughed. “You already know what’ll happen. Do you want everyone to know what your brother did? Or for him to lose his precious job because of you?”
She remained silent, seething.
“That’s what I thought. I’ll text you the exact address. Oh, and Rosie?”
“What?”
“Come alone. Don’t tell anyone where you’re going. Believe me, if I catch a whiff of you blabbing, you’ll regret it.”
“Fine,” she replied. “But I have one more question.”