“Of course you do.”
“Did you break into Heath’s place?”
Johnny didn’t reply for a long moment, and Rose could imagine him shrugging. “Does it matter?” he countered.
“No, I guess it doesn’t.”
She sat in her apartment with Callie’s head in her lap. Taking out her box from her safe, she counted the money in it for what felt like the thousandth time. It was enough—more than enough. Johnny didn’t deserve a penny of it, but it was her last chance to get him to stop this. Money was always a safe bet to get people to leave you alone.
She considered going next door to tell Seth about Johnny’s demands, but she hesitated. She knew Johnny; she knew he watched her and the people around her. And would Seth agree to stay quiet? Or not to follow her to Sanditon Pass?
Unlikely, if not impossible.
By the time she arrived at work a few hours later, she was so distracted that Rebecca asked her what was going on.
“You’ve forgotten refills and brought out the wrong orders,” Rebecca said, assessing Rose. “You look like hell.”
Rose laughed, but it was a hollow sound. “Just a lot on my mind. If anyone complains, tell them it was all my fault.”
When one customer became upset that his steak was cooked well-done instead of medium rare, Rose almost bit her tongue in half trying to keep her cool. Normally the annoying customers didn’t ruffle her, but she was on a short fuse at the moment. She almost wished Johnny would show up so she could punch him. Instead, she kept the anger balled up inside for the time being.
Exhausted and wanting nothing more than to sleep for days, Rose left work with her mind elsewhere. Yet when someone stepped out of the shadows, saying her name, she pulled her gun out without a second thought.
The dim light revealed the shadowy figure was Seth. He blinked at the gun.
“I thought we’d moved past this?” he joked.
When she didn’t say anything, just put the gun back into her jacket pocket, he touched her arm.
“Hey, what was that about? I told you that I’d walk you home from work, especially at night.”
She shrugged, embarrassed. “Reflex, I guess,” she replied.
He narrowed his eyes at her, but she looked away.
“Can we go home? I’m exhausted,” she said.
They didn’t speak as they walked back to their apartment complex. Everything seemed so pointless right then, and it made her shoulders slump. How could she love Seth when she couldn’t be honest with him? When she was afraid he would hate her if he discovered what she’d done?
A lump formed in her throat as they arrived at their apartments. Before she could lose her nerve, she asked him, “Want to come in?”
He nodded and followed her in.
Callie rose and greeted them both. Callie had decided that she approved of Seth, and to Rose’s amusement, the dog seemed to love Seth more than Rose at this point. Callie panted, her tongue hanging out, and her tail wagging so fast it was a total blur.
Rose couldn’t tell Seth about her promise to Johnny, but she could tell him everything else. The things she’d told Heath recently.
She almost laughed. Apparently her fate lately was to tell the men in her life how one man in particular had almost destroyed her life completely.
After sleeping together last night, Seth had gotten her to agree to let him buy her a futon for her living room that following morning., This was the first night she would use it for a bed. She sat down on it now, the wood creaking when Seth sat beside her.
“I told you that I’d explain everything to you,” she said. “About Johnny.”
He stilled. “Hummingbird, you don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”
“That’s the thing: I want you to know.” Because if you can’t love me anymore, I want to know now. “And I said I’d explain everything.”
His eyes darkened, and he looked like he wanted to take her into his arms. But right then, she needed to stand on her own two feet—metaphorically speaking.
“Before you start,” he said with a small smile, “let’s have something to drink.”
Ten minutes later, Seth drank a beer while Rose sipped at a glass of wine. Since telling Heath what had happened, she found that the words weren’t as difficult to come by.
She didn’t sugarcoat any of it: she told him exactly what she’d told Heath. About Heath’s arrest, her deal with Johnny. How she’d thought Johnny was her savior, but he’d turned out to be her tormenter. She recounted the abuse and the rapes, and she closed her eyes for a moment when she saw Seth’s anger at her words.
“He’s been stalking me now, but I haven’t seen him in a while,” she said. It was mostly true: she hadn’t seen him in a while.
Seth frowned, but he was so distracted by her story that he didn’t poke holes in that part of it. Instead, she saw a man who looked both frozen and enraged. His soldier’s training seemed to keep him from exploding completely. The only evidence of his agitation was how he clenched and unclenched his fist against his knee.
“That’s my story,” she said sadly. She shrugged. “I was an idiot to think Johnny would take care of me.”
“No, you weren’t.” The words seemed to burst from Seth. “You wanted to believe that he’d help you. You weren’t stupid, he was a bastard. An evil, cruel bastard.”
Seth hissed in a breath, and when Rose saw his eyes, she could honestly say she’d never seen a man so angry yet so contained at the same time. She swallowed, her mouth dry.
“Fuck!” He growled the word as he rose from the futon. He paced, much like Heath had paced, but while Heath had been stricken with guilt, Seth was a caged animal.
“Fuck him. Goddamn, Rose, if I ever see him, I’ll kill him.” It wasn’t just a threat, she knew—it was a promise.
“You’ll have to get in line after me.” She got up and put her arms around him. “I was so afraid to tell you,” she admitted, speaking to his chest. “I was afraid you’d hate me for it.”
He inhaled. “Hate you for it? Jesus, Rose. You’ve gone through so much, yet you’re still so kind and lovely. You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met.” He tipped up her chin so she could look into his eyes. “If anything, I don’t deserve to kiss your feet.”
A watery smile touched her lips, and Seth gently brushed away the tears that fell from her eyes. She laid her cheek against his chest, hearing his heart thump. It was a comforting sound, reminding her of how precious life was. How precious Seth’s life was to her.
She wanted to tell him she loved him, but she hesitated. She hadn’t told him everything; it seemed unfair of her to admit to her feelings when she couldn’t be fully honest with him.
“I want to make love to you,” he whispered in her ear. He sounded unsure, like he didn’t have any right to ask her that.
Stepping away from him, Rose smiled. “Then what are you waiting for?”
Seth had never said those words before, but it was true. He wanted to make love to her. He wanted to show her how amazing she was, how she should never blame herself for what had happened to her.
For what Johnny had done to her—it hadn’t been some random force. A man had hurt her, and when Seth had said he’d kill Johnny, he hadn’t lied. The only thing stopping him from going after Johnny right that moment was the look in Rose’s eyes as she started to undress in front of him.