29
Grayson
I’m numb as I sit back, holding Nichole’s limp hand tightly in my own grasp. The only noise in the room is the beeping of the machine, telling me for now she’s still alive. It’s been two months since she passed out at the restaurant and slipped into a coma and she has yet to wake. Two months since I’ve learned she’s been lying to me. I love this woman more than anything in this world, but I also hate her for the lies she told. The wheels she set in motion, knowing she will not be here to see it through.
Her cancer was back more aggressive this time and she has only mere months left to live. She could have told me. Let me be there for her so we could have found a solution. Cost doesn’t matter. Nothing mattered but her living and breathing beside me. She beat it once. Why did she think she couldn’t beat it again? Why did she decide to go at it alone and leave me in the dark? And Jade? Why bring a baby into this world when you knew you were not going to be around to raise it? Now that I know the truth, her always pushing me on Jade makes a lot of fucking sense. How she practically begged me to fuck someone else. She was lining up her replacement without giving me a fucking say in the manner. “My clever, clever wife, your schemes have destroyed me.”
I hate her. I hate myself for not realizing sooner that something was seriously wrong with my wife, but she distracted me. Had me caught up in the future as she played fate. How could she think I’d ever care for a child if she wasn’t here with me every step of the way?
“Why Nichole? It was me and you. You used to tell me everything. Why hide this from me? Is it possible that I love you more than you love me? Because if the roles were reversed, I’d never do this to you,” I roar.
It’s the same questions I have asked time and time again. Every evening that I come here and sit by her bedside. Garfield tried to get me to take time off, but I refused. If I had to think about Nichole’s deceit night and day, I’d go crazy like she did in the restaurant when Tyson asked Jade to marry him. The incident that pushed her too far and her frail body sank in on itself, nearly blinking out. Nichole is my light and now I’m trapped in an empty room, surrounded by darkness. Nightmares of her dying are my lullaby as my own head drowns me.
“You need to wake up and face me. Stop taking the coward’s way out. You will not just lie here when there’s so much you have to answer for. You’re stronger than this,” I cry, choking on my own words. Tears slip past my defenses and I cover my face in shame. “Please, love, wake up. You promised it’s me and you until the end of time and this isn’t it. There’s so much more to our story.”
“Is she still the same?” Nichole's mother asks as she walks in. I’m still livid with her. She knew. Maybe not the whole time, but she knew Nichole was sick and she said nothing. When I called and told her Nichole was admitted to the hospital, I could see it in her face when she got here. She was not surprised.
“No,” I growl.
“Grayson,” she sighs. “I know you’re...”
“You know nothing,” I shout, interrupting her.
“I know you’re not happy with me, but you forget, I’m losing her too. Nichole is my child and she’s going to die before me. No parent should outlive their children.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask in a heartbreaking voice. I was tired of arguing. Tired of it all.
“I had just found out myself and she begged me not to tell you, but I swear, if I knew it was this bad, I would have said something. She made it seem like all was well, that even though the cancer was back her and her doctors had a plan in action. She didn’t want you bothered unnecessarily.” I turn away from her and stare down at my wife.
“Oh, Nichole, what a brilliant liar you are,” I whisper to her unconscious body.
“You should go home and get some rest. I’ll stay with her.”
I don’t argue. Instead, I stand and leave my dying wife with her mother. In the hall, I pass Nichole’s doctor and he gives me a sympathetic look. I don’t deserve his pity. When he finally told me about Nichole’s condition, I decked the man hard enough for him to sport a black eye for nearly two weeks. I was just so angry, not being able to lash out at the person who really deserves my ire. How can I when they’re dying?
When I get home, I skip eating and just undress so I can take a long hot shower. I was tired and haven’t had any real sleep since the ambulance brought Nichole to the hospital. The bags under my eyes had bags, and I was mostly running on coffee in the daytime and booze at night. When I step out, I hear the echo from the doorbell and I curse, wondering who the hell it is now. Many of the neighbors have stopped by to give their condolences, like Nichole was already dead. They stopped a while ago when I nearly chased one off after trying to feel me up. She was nothing but a social climber with no damn class or self-respect.
I hastily wrap my robe around myself and stalk down the stairs, throwing the door open. “What the fuck do you want?” I shout.
“Do you always answer your door this way?” Tyson drawls. I eye him suspiciously, wondering why he’s here. I haven’t said more than seven words to him since that life changing dinner.
“Why are you here, Tyson?” I ask, crossing my arms.
“Can I come in or would you rather have this conversation on your front steps?” I can tell he’s not going to leave until I talk to him so I step aside, allowing him to come in. The sooner he says his peace, the sooner he can leave.
“I went by the hospital first. Your mother-in-law said you were here.”
“So, you found me,” I reply, holding my hands up dramatically. “What is it you want?”
“It’s about Jade.”
I hold my hand up, stopping him right there. There are a couple of topics of conversation I can deal with and she is not one of them. “She’s your fiance; you deal with her.”
“She’s also eight months pregnant carrying your baby. You can’t just ignore her and hope she goes away. You have to know what you’re doing is wrong.”
“Let’s get one thing straight. I can, and will, do whatever the fuck I want, and until Nichole wakes up, I will not be a father to that kid of deceit. I’ll care for him financially, but that’s it.”
“You’re an asshole, you know that?”
“I’m well aware,” I tell him dryly and he moves, getting right in my face. Good, I’ve been itching for a fight. To feel some other pain than what my wife is putting me through. “Go ahead hit me. You know you want to.”
I’m disappointed when he takes a step back. I’ve seen Tyson fight before. I know he could lay me out flat if he wanted to. “No. I’m not going to give you what you want when you’re deliberately hurting the woman I love. Do you know she believes she’s the reason Nichole is in the hospital? That if we didn’t upset her, she’d be fine? Sure, she understands that the cancer is back, but it still doesn’t stop her from blaming herself.”
“Then she’s a fool and stupider than I took her for.” This time he does punch me and I revel in the pain as I lick the blood from my split lip.