“No, Grayson, you’re the fool.” With those words, he leaves me alone to wallow in my self pity.
30
Jade
I lie on the bed alone, thinking about Nichole. Everytime I close my eyes, that wild look on her face where she demanded I don’t marry Tyson plays out before me like a horror flick. That horrible moment when she started to cough up blood and fell to the ground while I was being comforted by my fiance, thinking she’d gone mad. It’s been two months and she has still yet to wake up. This is all my fault, my doing. If we didn’t push her so far. she’d be fine. She could be the same Nichole I’ve grown to like fighting her illness instead of lying about wasting away while everyone sits around waiting for her to breathe her last breath. A part of me can’t help thinking how could she keep something like her cancer coming back from Grayson. I feel for him as well, but he won’t let me near him to tell him so or to help. I know Tyson is off talking to him on my behalf right now and can’t help thinking he’s wasting his time. Tyson is a good man and hates seeing me in pain. He has no problem about taking on the impossible, but I’m afraid in this case, he won’t win.
I’m still lying on my back, staring at the ceiling when the bed dips beside me and I’m pulled into a warm body.
“Did you talk to him?” I mumble into his neck.
“I did.”
“And?” I prod.
“And, Grayson is an asshole and you shouldn’t waste your time worrying about him.”
“Why? What happened?” I ask, trying to sit up, but he pulls me back down beside him.
“I told him you were worried about him and he reacted in perfect Grayson assholey fashion.”
“You can’t get mad at him. He’s going through a lot right now and not in his right mind. If we didn’t…”
“I’m going to stop you right there, jewel. There is no way in hell Nichole’s condition is our fault. She was already sick well before that dinner. How many times have you said she didn’t look well?”
“I know, but that dinner. Her rage. Her emotions sucked all the strength out of her and she just collapsed.”
“Still, that wasn’t your fault. I hate to blame the victim here, and I’m no fortune teller, but in her case, if she would have told Grayson her cancer was back, maybe that extreme of a reaction would not have happened. He would not have allowed her to take on so much alone, and as of what I’ve heard so far, she gave up on finding a cure and was preparing to die. Grayson would have never allowed that to happen if he knew. I hate the guy and he has his faults, but I can say this whole situation between the three of you has only proven his loyalty to Nichole is astonishing.”
“If Nichole would have told Grayson the truth, I doubt I’d be here in this condition, living the life I am right now. The way he’s acting, I fear I’ll be raising this child myself. We haven’t signed the custody papers yet. He’s under no obligation to take the child from me.”
“You’re wrong. You’re my soulmate and I don’t care how long it would have taken. I would have eventually found you, and you’re not alone anymore, so stop saying that. You’re going to be my wife and we’ll raise this baby together. No one besides who already knows needs to know the baby is his. In fact, if Grayson doesn’t start stepping up, and going by our last conversation he won’t, I want to marry you as soon as possible before the baby is born so he’ll have my last name.”
I don’t know what to say to that. I already knew Grayson gave up on the baby, it’s just hard to hear it from someone who talked to the source. It makes me wonder if Nichole thought she would get better, and never intended to give up on herself after all. Why want a baby when you’re not sure you’ll be around to raise it, especially going about it in such an extreme way? I feel used or at least like some sort of plot in a play where no one knows the extent of it besides Nichole. “You’re so sweet. I don’t deserve you,” I tell him before snuggling deeper into his body and falling asleep.
The next day at work is brutal. I can’t concentrate on anything as I feel even guiltier about Nichole. When Grayson came in, he didn’t even look at me. Instead, he closed himself up in his office, not leaving the room until he had court. He still doesn’t have a replacement secretary, but he’s refused my help. I’m not even allowed near his office. It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t have to deal with my co-workers looks of pity. Everyone who works here knows my story, well bits of it. The main point they all know is that I’m currently pregnant with the Hastings’ child and Grayson wants nothing to do with it while his wife is dying of cancer in the hospital.
“Hey, Jade, why don’t you go home early? I can man the desk for you.” I look up at Nancy, taking in her face. Her offer actually sounds sincere, not like Nancy at all, at least not when dealing with me. After messing up yet again on the deposition I was typing, I decide to take her up on her offer.
“Thanks, that’d be really great.” I give her a weak smile and she watches me as I shut down my account so she can log on.
Gathering up my things, it doesn’t take long before I’m in my car. Where can I go? I don’t want to go home alone with only my troubled thoughts to keep me company, and Tyson will be in court with his father all day. Making a rash decision, I decide to drive towards the hospital. Grayson is at work, so he won’t be there to turn me away. I don’t know why, but I have to see her. Maybe it’s a way to ease my own guilt. It’s not like I can get answers from her while she’s unconscious. Mostly, I want to see that she’s okay and that the hospital staff is doing everything they can for her.
I almost thought Grayson would have left instructions with the hospital staff to turn me away, but when I waddled up to the desk, a nice nurse kindly showed me to Nichole’s room. When I step inside, I sit in the chair pulled close to the bed and take her hand. She looks so peaceful, like she’s only sleeping and will soon wake. Her blonde hair is still neat as always, like someone knew it would upset her to wake with messy hair and brushed it, her skin is pale, and the hospital gown she has on practically swallows her up. I wonder why we never noticed how thin she’d gotten. I try to remember back to all those times we went out to eat and realized she would only pick at her food, always taking her leftovers to-go. Who knows if she actually ate the food or not.
I wonder if she’s hurting. I heard cancer can be painful. My eyes drift to the many tubes taped to her skinny arms from the various machines surrounding her bed. The machines that feed her and administer her meds. Meds she was required to take before now. Nichole would hate being here. She hated all the invasive techniques she went through from when she first had cancer, so being here subjected to them again while she has no say would probably kill her. Her being out of control will kill her.
“You need to get better so you can give these nurses and doctors hell. This isn’t you. I may not have known you long, but I know you’re no damsel in distress,” I tell her.
I sit in silence until my butt goes numb. Before I know it, hours have gone by and the sun is starting to set. I watch the cool colors of the sky change as it darkens, making room for night’s rotation. When my phone rings, I see it’s Tyson, but I ignore it, letting the call go straight to voicemail. I don’t think it’s right to answer a call from him in her room. A shuffling behind me gathers my attention and I turn to the doorway just as the nice nurse from before enters the room. She checks over Nichole and then moves to make sure all her machines are in working order.