“You were like them once,” she says. “Young and in love, right? There are worse things.”
She’s right, even though I don’t say anything. I was young and in love once. There are memories that I’ve tried to push away from this very road and this very camp. A summer where I chased beautiful red hair through the woods and jumped after it into the lake. Curled together as the sun set, imagining nothing but the future with the hope only youth affords. Lost in each other, exploring everything, both minds and bodies.
I’m not that person anymore. That girl is not an option anymore. We both grew up and went our separate ways, even if I sometimes wish that we hadn’t. Wishing for things to be different doesn’t change anything.
That’s something I’ve already learned the hard way. Over and over again. And that’s the end of that story. It’s not worth falling into again.
Bless Mabel, even though she seems far more confident than I am in the fate of our spare tire, she does go more slowly. Probably for my sake. I’m okay with that. But I can feel every bump more viscerally now. I’m practically holding my breath as we crawl down the road, and my chest eases when I see the faded gate.
We roll under the sign that’s never been repainted, and the volume of the voices inside the bus increases. I’m not surprised. This is the last batch of campers to arrive. The rest are already here, with counselors getting them settled. Part of me wonders if I’m going to have trouble with some of the people who have been working here forever, but I can’t even worry about that right now. I with that were my biggest problem. I need to work on getting a new tire for the bus, settling into my cabin, and making sure everything is ready for the opening ceremonies tonight.
The bus grinds to a stop in the open dirt parking lot, and I breathe a sigh of relief. One problem down. I don’t even try to stand yet. The teens are pouring off the bus in a wave, and neither Mabel nor I move for fear of being trampled.
I get it—I’ve felt that excitement and the faster they get into the open air the faster we can get them where they need to be. There’s already a group of teen girls near the entrance to the campground with one of the counselors. The flash of red hair has me doing a double take, since the memories are so close to the surface. But that’s ridiculous.
Once all the kids are off the bus, I take my time gathering my things and getting off, helping Mabel with her bags as well. As well as driving the bus, she’s been the camp nurse for as long as I can remember, and I can’t say that I’m not grateful for that. She’s one person I’m sure won’t judge me too harshly if I fuck up, and she’s been working with the camp so long that she’ll know almost everything that there is to know about this place.
Shouldering my backpack, I head toward the entrance. I’m going to need a shower and a change of clothes before anything else happens. I’m sweating and my hands are still stained black with grease.
A few of the girls in the group see me, and I smile. The counselor looks back at me, and suddenly I feel like a bucket of ice water has been dumped on my head despite the sweltering heat. That double take I did was spot on—like my subconscious still knows the exact shade of her hair and the curve of her spine.
It’s Seph. Persephone.
The girl I first had a crush on. The girl I first kissed. She’s here. She’s here. I don’t know what to do with myself, but I know that I’ve frozen in my tracks, and that she’s staring at me.
Her eyes lock on mine, and they’re that exact shade of sun-kissed green that I remember. So vivid that I dream about them still. Just a few minutes ago I was pushing away these memories and now I can’t escape them. They’re pressing down on me—impossible to ignore.
And those same memories are now flooding my senses. I can remember the way she tastes and the way she felt underneath me. The way she sounded when I made her lose herself. The way her eyes sparkled when she looked at my body. The way she made me feel like I was a man with a future for the first time.
Here in the present my body reacts to her. Longing and desire and lust. All at once. I have to take a deep breath and chant the reps of my workout routine so that it doesn’t show.
I thought that our story was over, but the way she’s looking at me, and the pull I feel toward her now…
No matter how complicated, our story isn’t over yet.
2
Persephone
Present
I was mid-laugh when it happened. Emily asked me if there were any dangerous creatures in these woods, and even though I’m a counselor and I probably shouldn’t laugh, it struck me as funny.
The woods here are beautiful and wild, but there have been people here for so long that any dangerous creatures have long moved on, and the ones that remain are so tame you have to make sure the deer don’t wander into the cabins.
I was about to tell her no, there are no bears in the woods, when I spotted the girls’ eyes go wide as they looked behind me. It’s when I turned to look that I saw him. Eric Elmore. The boy who was my first love. But clearly no longer a boy. He hasn’t been a boy for a long time.
What on earth is he doing here? And why does he look that way? The white t-shirt he’s wearing—tight enough to show off muscles I don’t remember him having—is smeared with black and splashes of brown, and his arms are covered in the same black stuff. He even has a smudge of it on one cheek like one of those black and white calendars with sexy mechanics who are clearly not mechanics.
But none of that explains why he is here. Staring at me.
I thought that he was in New York. Last I’d heard anything about Eric Elmore he’d finally landed his big break in music with an agent to some of the best artists in the business. And he was embracing the rockstar lifestyle in The Big Apple, complete with all the parties and women he could handle. At least that’s what Leena told me. I tried to pretend like I wasn’t hanging on every word.
It’s bad form to be too interested in your best friend’s ex. Especially when you’ve been in love with him for a long damn time. Not a good idea to let them know that you’ll take any scrap of news about them just to know if they’re okay.
What is he doing in the back woods of Georgia?
He sees me, and when our eyes meet my stomach drops like I’m on a rollercoaster. The pull of attraction that I feel threatens to drown me. Even smeared with grease he looks like a supermodel. It’s not fair that he’s that hot while dirty. I’d never be able to pull it off—and the odds are that I’ll be dirty plenty this summer.
This is the first I’ve seen him in more than a year. Not even a picture of him until now. Leena declared that Eric had to be wiped from everyone’s social media when they broke up. And it wasn’t worth the argument. But I’m drinking in the sight of him right now like he’s the only water left in a desert.
And he looks just as shocked as I do. Clearly he wasn’t expecting me to be here. I wasn’t really meant to be, so that makes sense.
Eric takes a half-step forward, the way he’s looking at me—awe and hunger mixed with desire—brings back memories that I’ve had to actively bury. He looks like he’s about to come over to say hello, and that can’t happen. I have no idea what to say to him. What can I possibly say while we’re here? What’s a good opening line for that?