“Maybe you could lead a class for some of the guys,” Emily says. “That is, if you’re flexible enough to do this.”
“Come on Seph, teach him something and see if he’s good enough.” It’s another girl this time.
“I’m sure that Eric has better things to do with his time,” Seph says, pressing her lips together.
“I don’t know,” Emily says. “Being a camp director has to be difficult. Maybe we should know how fit he actually is to do this job?”
Seph closes her eyes and I see exasperation there. I make a mental note to keep an eye on Emily, because she’s one of those kids that could excel here, or spiral into trouble. “I’ve done yoga before,” I say. “Though I’m not very good. And I already worked out this morning.”
Seph looks at me when I say that, and I follow her eyes down my body and back. She blushes again and I barely contain the grin that causes.
“We’ve only got a little bit of the flow left,” a girl in the back says. “You should finish with us, and Seph can help you.”
I tick an eyebrow upwards, asking the question of her. Does she want me to stay or go? It’s her call. These are her campers, and she has to deal with them the way she’s established. I can’t crush her authority. I also want to make sure that none of these girls think I would ever trample over another counselor’s wishes—especially a female counselor.
I’m not going to do yoga every day with a group of teen girls. There’s no way that’s appropriate. But if I do a few poses, I don’t see the harm. But it’s up to Seph.
She pastes on a bright smile that I know isn’t fully real. “Sure. We just have one more sun salutation left. Everyone back into downward dog. You too,” she says.
When I do yoga I’m not normally in jeans, but I’ll make do. I slip off my shoes as I step onto the yoga mat that she’s vacated, and suddenly I can’t breathe because I’m the closest that I’ve been to her in years and all I want is to reach out and touch her.
I resist.
Stretching out, I get into downward dog. I didn’t lie, I have done yoga before, and I’ve never considered myself particularly good at it. I prefer to run and lift weights—pretty typical for a guy my age. But if I pretend I’m worse than I am for a little help from Seph, I don’t think the universe will hold it against me.
The back of my calves ache with the stretch. I haven’t done this is far too long, and it feels good after my desperation to burn energy this morning. “Sink into this one,” Seph says, “since it’s almost the end.”
Her hands brush my lower back, pressing lightly. “Ease back,” she says quietly. “Try to let your heels touch the ground.”
I try to do what she’s asking but all I can think about is the fact that her hands are on me. “Once you’re settled, raise your right leg behind you off the ground and hold for a breath before stepping up into a lunge.”
This feels familiar, and I follow the steps, stretching into the lunge and rising up. Seph’s hands follow, moving to my shoulders and gently pulling back, helping me stretch into it.
Looking over, I meet her eyes. For the first time this morning she’s looking at me straight on, and there’s suddenly no air left to breathe. Her mouth is moving but I’m not hearing the words that she’s saying, completely relying on her gentle touches to guide me through the motions.
The touches are clinical. Nothing out of bounds or giving anything away, but to me they burn with yearning heat. And I’m close enough to Seph that I can see her breath is a little shorter than it should be too.
I lean back down into the reverse triangle pose, and Seph comes with me, our faces close. So close that I can feel her breath. I can’t take my eyes off her lips. There’s so much I want to say to her. Ask her. But I can’t do that while we have an audience.
Back into downward dog I go, and she moves to steady me. This time her hands are heavier. Pressing more fully, the tips of her fingers digging into my lower back just a little. I want more of that. I want her fingers digging into my back while she’s moaning underneath me.
I shut that thought down. I can’t have it right now, and Seph seems to have the same thought. She steps away from me so suddenly that her sudden absence makes me almost dizzy, and I fall out of the pose to laughter around me.
“I did say that I wasn’t very good at it.”
“Come on girls,” Seph says, with a warmer smile for me this time. “Put the mats away. It’s time for breakfast.”
It takes all the self-control that I have in the world not to reach out and pull her back for a moment, just to talk. And maybe more. But she goes with her campers, and I’m left staring at her walk away, with her ass in those shorts burned into my memory.
I need to find a way to talk to her. Crack that shell that’s grown around her. Because I know that my Seph is still in there. I know it. That girl who stole my heart six years ago is in there. I can see her just beneath the surface, and I need to tell her that she’s still mine.
5
Persephone
Present
Fucking hell, I need to get it together.
I wasn’t thinking that I was going to see Eric this morning, let alone touch him, and now my brain is all out of sorts. How in the hell am I supposed to do this for two months?
He doesn’t seem to be getting the hint that we shouldn’t talk. There’s a reason that Leena wanted us to cut him out, and if she finds out…
The little voice in my head that says but Leena isn’t here, and they’re not together anymore, is getting louder. But I’m not that person. I don’t betray my friends.
I’ve had the argument with myself a bunch of times. That talking to him wouldn’t be the kind of betrayal that it feels like it is—especially since I knew him first. But I’m not sure how to sort out my feelings about it.
I’m not used to the idea of him even being in such close proximity. And the yoga. Holy shit. First, I’m thinking of killing Emily and the other girls in my cabin. Not seriously, but all they see when they look at Eric is a super-hot older guy. They don’t see our history together and how complicated it is.
They probably could see the tension running between us this morning, even though I did my best to keep it simple and professional. But being close to Eric is like breathing fresh air. It’s invigorating, and even just having my hands on his body has me craving more.
It’s not possible. I know it’s not, but I still want it anyway.
The eggs that are sitting in front of me are no longer appealing. They seem like too much and too heavy. Maybe just a piece of fruit or something. I have a little more than an hour before I have to oversee archery, and even though I just did my full yoga routine, I’m too full of energy. I need to burn of the restlessness from this morning’s encounter. And a swim sounds nice.
I can feel eyes on me from across the dining hall—the same eyes that have been on me since he walked in ten minutes ago. Eric is doing his best to hide it, and so am I, but we’ve been stealing glances at each other, and anyone who’s paying attention would probably see it.