“I’m going to go clean up.”
Both of them nod, and I make my way to my bathroom. God, this bathroom. I designed it, complete with the feel of an old farmhouse with the clawfoot tub, but there’s a modern touch with the white subway tiles, seamless shower, and the heated floors. Hey, it’s South Texas, but it still gets chilly and I’m a wimp.
After relieving myself, I look in the mirror. Jesus, why didn’t either of them tell me I looked like I went on a bender last night? I was so tired when I got home, I collapsed in bed, makeup and all. The only thing I did was get rid of my bra and put on an old shirt and shorts. My hair looks as if I spent the night with someone in my bed, and my mascara is smudged under my eyes. So, pretty.
I brush my teeth, tame my hair and throw it up in a ponytail, then wash my face. It’s an improvement but I still look like shit. The dark circles make my blue eyes look sad. I also look a little gaunt. I’ve dropped ten pounds in the last six weeks. Usually I gain weight when we’re filming because we tend to eat on the go. I use that excuse to eat all the Whataburger’s I can. This season had been different for a lot of reasons.
Not wanting to think about those reasons, I shove those thoughts aside once again and rejoin my friends in the kitchen.
“So, you’re done for the season?” Everly says, making herself at home at my kitchen table. A Travis Fillmore original, so of course it’s gorgeous. That man has a way with wood. Ugh. Why did I even think that? It’s weird. Nope not really. I think about that particular appendage quite often. Too often.
“Yeah,” I say, taking the seat beside her and eyeing her tank top. She loves shirts with sayings, and this is one of my favorites. It reads, ‘I have a vagina. What’s your superpower?’. “Maybe forever.”
Becca sits beside her best friend. “What do you mean? There’s no way they would cancel you.”
I sigh because I hate what I will probably do. I don’t want to, but emotionally, I don’t think I can stand being around Travis anymore. It isn’t good for me.
“I’m thinking of leaving the show.”
There is a long beat of silence as the two friends share a look, then they turn to me.
“Because of Travis?” Everly asks.
I nod. “He’s made it impossible to work together. You know the banter that we have going on in front of the camera…well, he took it to another level this season. At least, off camera. There were times I couldn’t stand to look at him. Amarillo was the worst, and I just can’t anymore. I don’t think it’s good for me.”
I blink when I realize how much I just said. I knew I was probably going to leave, but I didn’t realize how much I was hurting until right now. It just poured out of me, the pressure in my chest somewhat less than it had been while I held it all in. I’ve never been good at controlling my emotions like that. Truth is, I’m amazed I didn’t end up with an ulcer by now.
“What happened?” Becca asks.
I sigh because I don’t really want to spill secrets, but I can trust these girls. I can’t say that about a lot of people in my life. Juniper Springs is the typical small town. Everyone is under a microscope. Add in that my family is one of the richest in Texas, there is always gossip about us. But Everly and Becca are good people.
“Things got bad. Constant bickering. He would pick fights over every little thing. Then Travis tried to bring one of his hoes into the business and I lost it. He wanted me to take design direction from this idiot he was banging. And the producer was insane. He tried to foster hatred between the two of us.” And that irritated me the most. I knew what he was doing but I was helpless to stop it. “I just…I don’t think it would be good for me.”
Another beat of silence, but Everly nods. “You’ve got to put yourself first in those kinds of situations. If he doesn’t understand that, he can fuck right off.”
Becca throws her friend a look. “Travis is our friend too.”
“Yeah, but both you and I know that guys—even those we like or love—can be obtuse to what women go through in the industry.”
Everly and Becca own Nerdvana, a bookstore that specializes in comics, manga, and other graphic books. I know as women in that particular industry, it hasn’t been easy. Some of their stories about how men treat them at cons make me wonder why they do what they do.
Becca nods, then turns her blue-green gaze to me. “True. And, Everly is right. Your mental health is more important.”
“Plus, I have a lot on my plate. My design deal with Target is a go, so I have to work on all those designs. I might take a year or two off from doing anything but design.”
“What about the office you and Travis were getting set up here? What’s going to happen with that?”
“Travis will still have it. It’s really important to him.”
To both of us. Inwardly, I sigh. After this season, that doesn’t matter anymore. My heart is breaking over more than just romantic feelings. We both wanted to start that business and bring jobs to the area. Juniper can drive us both crazy, but we love this weird little town. It has a lot of tourist traffic, but it can be seasonal. An office to support our show and joint enterprises would not only bring a few jobs but also regular revenue to the area.
“So, tell me what’s been going on here,” I say, and both of them pick up on the fact I don’t want to talk about Travis anymore.
“Well, Gentry McCallister is marrying that sweet little Lisa girl,” Everly says.
“Are they old enough to marry?”
Everly rolls her eyes. “There should be a law to keep people from doing stupid things when they’re eighteen.”
“Let’s be honest that we do stupid things all the time,” Becca says. “I have no problem admitting to that.”
“You never do anything stupid,” Everly says defending her best friend. Right now, I miss my bestie Syd. I need her to help me lick my wounds, but I don’t feel right doing that. Her new job at the network makes that hard to do. The fact that she’s Travis’ sister makes it even harder. She might have an idea that I’m infatuated with her brother, but we’ve never really talked about it.
“We are almost thirty years old and we broke into Nancy’s house.”
“She would never have us arrested—not with fresh coffee and donuts.”
Before I can add to the conversation, my phone buzzes and my agent’s face shows up on the screen. I don’t want to do this, but I don’t feel I have any other choice now.
“Give me a second,” I say, picking up my phone and walking to the bedroom.
“Hey, Marty.”
“Seriously, Nancy? ‘Hey’ is all you have to say for yourself?”
I sigh. Jesus, there is a lot of sighing this morning. I guess that’s what happens when a dream dies. Oh, for fuck’s sake. I’m definitely going all emo all of a sudden.
“Sorry, Marty. I know the whole…issue wasn’t good.”
“Well, one thing that comes from that is it looks like Garrett Howard is out.”
I blink. “Really?” Our producer this season was a complete pain in the ass, trying to pit Travis and me against each other. I didn’t think they would fire him though. He’s considered one of the best in reality shows of all sorts. He worked on shows like ours and won a few Emmys over the last decade.