She’s still the most gorgeous woman I have ever seen. Effortlessly beautiful, the kind you hear other women bitch about. As usual, she barely has any makeup on. She doesn’t really need it and rarely wears it unless we’re filming or making appearances. The freckles that dance over her nose and that peaches and cream complexion make her look like the girl next door. Her full lips are set in a grim line, but that doesn’t stop the familiar fantasy of what they would look like wrapped around my dick. Add in that she has one of the filthiest mouths, which I love…fuck. Okay, I’m in love with her but it will go away. Soon. Like in ten years. Or one hundred.
“You’re running out of time, Fillmore.”
The cold, flatness of her voice sends a chill racing through me. I’ve never heard that tone from Nancy before. No, that’s wrong. I’ve heard it before, but never directed at me. She would get mad and yell at me, heat and anger deepening her voice. It is damned sexy to see this woman get mad at me. This is different. Her expression is remote, and her voice drips with icicles it’s so cold. It’s the same way she talks to and about her family. I know they have a shit relationship so that isn’t boding well for me.
I want to grab her, pull her against me, and beg her not to leave me. Desperation claws at my throat as my mind races from one thing to the next. I’m ready to do anything to get back in her good graces. I would go down on bended knee and beg for another chance. Anything. Jesus, that’s pathetic, but the feeling is so overwhelming, I almost lose control and do just that. I stick my hands in my pockets and curl my fingers.
Annoyance shimmers in her blue gaze and I try not to let it get to me. I truly deserve it. I was a complete ass this season and if she never talked to me again, I would understand completely. But if I let it freak me out, I won’t be able to convince her to come back to Flipping Texas.
“I came here to apologize.”
Nothing, not even a flicker of emotion on her face, in that expressionless face staring back at me. Each second that ticks by, another wound is opened in my heart. Little stabs to my heart that are leaving me feeling hopeless. But I refuse to back down.
“I know it’s all my fault. I…I can’t explain some of the things I did this season. I thought it would make for good TV.”
That’s a lie, and from the way her eyes roll, she knows it. That’s the problem with this woman. She knows almost everything about me except the fact that I’m in love with her.
“Try again.”
I sigh. I can’t tell her the truth because it will make things even worse. If she came back, it might be out of pity. Our relationship is bad right now, but it would turn toxic then. I would definitely despise her for that, and that’s not what I want. So, I decide to tell her part of the truth.
“I had that asshole Garrett whispering in my ear. He told me that we needed to get ratings up, that things were slipping. I asked Syd and she said it was a lie, but…I panicked. Really panicked. Plus, Garrett has been around longer than either of us, so I figured he knew what he was talking about.”
There is a small softening in her stature. If I didn’t know the woman so well, I would have missed it. I know that she has a soft area in her heart for me. It all has to do with Syd, I know that she sees me as part of her family. The fact that I’ve been infatuated with her since I first met her, doesn’t matter. What matters is saving the show and my friendship.
“Well, he didn’t. He’s…” Her voice trails off.
“An asshole,” I finish for her. “When Syd told me that you lodged a complaint a couple weeks ago, I added to it. They might just ignore one of us, but not both of us.”
More softening. “Yeah, Syd told me he’s out.”
I feel as if I won a victory. “So…”
“I’m not about to make a decision today.”
And then my hopes plummet. But I have one last chance and I have to try. Our show, our business is important to me and to her. I can’t let her walk away, because I do know her. I know that walking away will hurt her more because she loves our show as much as I do.
“Listen, I fucked up everything this season. I think I was just getting a little too big for my britches. My ego…” I shove a hand through my hair and try my best to keep my mind on the subject, but it’s difficult. She’s staring at me with those blue eyes, my thoughts always scatter when she does that. Wisps of my thoughts float away the moment our gazes connect. It’s been like that for years and I don’t think it will ever change. I just have to suck it up.
“I’m sorry, Nancy. I really am. I hate myself for the way I behaved this season, and I’ll do anything to get you back to the show.”
She opens her mouth, then snaps it shut. It takes her a few seconds before she finally answers me.
“I can’t give you an answer right now.”
That’s better than a no, right? I mean, fuck. I don’t know. I still have hope though.
“Your five minutes are up.”
I nod and know that it’s best to retreat right now. Nancy likes to think things through, by herself. “I’ll go but just so you know, I’m not leaving Juniper. I’ll be sticking around.”
“Where are you planning on staying?”
I hadn’t really thought that far ahead, but there are no strangers in Juniper. I will find someone to bunk with or sleep at the office. We have a cot and a couch. Both are uncomfortable as hell, but I will deal with that for another chance at saving my show.
“I’ll deal with it. Thanks.”
“For what?”
“For at least giving us another chance.”
Something moves over her expression that I can’t quite figure out, but it disappears before I can.
“I’m giving the show another chance.”
What the hell does that mean? I want to ask her that very question, but she’s shuttered her expression, and I can’t take a chance on pissing her off again.
“I’ll wait to hear from you.” She nods and steps back, opening her door.
I stop in front of her. “I truly am sorry. For all of it.”
Then, I walk out of her house not looking behind me. I can’t because I might just fall to my knees and beg her forgiveness. I practically did that back there, but this would be more about my love. About how I don’t think I’ll be able to deal with anything without her.
I get in my truck and head over to the office. All the while my phone buzzes and I know it’s Syd. I don’t even have to look. She’s always trying to save me from myself. She has been my protector for pretty much our whole lives. Maybe it’s time for me to grow the fuck up.
I park in front of the office. It’s an older building just off the Main Street. We started work on it before the season and while it isn’t the junk heap it was when we bought it, it isn’t ready to open. That is what we were going to do in the off season.
It sits on a couple of acres so we can store things we need, and we have plans to buy another plot behind it. Shit. We were, but now…that is all up in the air because I didn’t take care of it. I get myself inside and my phone starts ringing. Of course, it’s Syd and she is in a mood.
“Why are you ignoring me?” she demands.