“Yeah, he’s out with the network. He’s probably going to cry foul, but this isn’t the first time he was fired for the kind of crap he pulled on you and Travis.”
Garrett Howard is considered one of the best director/producers for reality shows. It was seen as a big deal when he was hired to handle our show. Because of that, I kept most of my concerns to myself. I know I probably should have said something, I didn’t know if it was just the situation with Travis. By the end of the season, I didn’t care anymore.
“I’m actually calling about your contract with At Home. They need an answer.”
The At Home Network airs our show, and they have been trying to get me to sign on for another year. I know I should just take a few days, let the dust settle, but I can’t. Doing that puts me at the bottom of my personal list, and one thing I promised myself on the long drive from Amarillo to Juniper Springs (which felt like three days) is that I had to make myself a priority. No one else would if I didn’t do it for myself. I learned that lesson early in life. Okay, that’s wrong. Syd always makes me a priority. But right now, I need to put myself first. The only way I can survive this emotionally is to walk away.
“I think it’s best if I don’t go back.” The words rip a hole in my heart, the pain filtering out to the rest of my body. Flipping Texas was actually my idea and I went to Travis with the idea. We had worked on a few projects together and, with our back and forth arguing, I knew we would be good on TV together. It’s like giving up a limb. I don’t really know how to go on from here and I hate it. Still, I know I would despise myself if I stayed on. It can’t get better, not with what went on this season.
“Okay, I hate that you are going to leave the show, but it opens up a few other options for you. Guest spots on various shows and, well, I think we need to start thinking about your own show about designing.”
There’s a tickle in the back of my throat, and I have to clear my throat before speaking. It will be official in a matter of about an hour, and I will be out there on my own. Without Travis.
“Compile all the ideas and email them to me. I’m going to take time off, step off the grid, and think about things.”
“Check in every ten days,” Marty says.
“I will. Thanks, Marty.”
“Anything for you, Nancy.”
We hang up and I stand there for a long moment. I thought I would feel relief, but instead, my stomach is in knots. I want to cry. Sit down on the floor and have a good cry. That’s what you do when a dream dies, right? If my heart felt broken before, I now feel as if someone reached in my chest and ripped it out. With each breath I take, the grief grows. God, it shouldn’t be this hard.
“If you don’t get your ass out here, I’m gonna eat your donut,” Everly calls out.
I close my eyes and draw in a deep breath trying to steady my nerves. I open my eyes and after a second or two, I feel centered enough to rejoin them in the kitchen.
“What was that about?” Everly asks.
“Everly,” Becca admonishes again. “If she took the call in private it means she wants privacy.”
“What? She left this yummy breakfast she requested.”
I shake my head. “I don’t think I requested it.”
Becca points at me in affirmation as she nods.
“She spoke to me in my dreams,” Everly insists, her hazel eyes dancing with humor.
“So, are you saying that you dream about me?” I ask, sitting down and grabbing up my donut. “I had no idea you went that way.”
Everly laughs. “Who knows what I like?”
“Maybe the mystery dude in Denver?” Becca asks sweetly. See, people think she’s not too smart, and she definitely doesn’t have a mean bone in her body, but she knows how to stick it to her bestie.
“I’m not talking about him.” Her face flushes. “Mainly because he doesn’t exist.”
I blink. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Everly so flustered.
“Sure, keep telling yourself that.” Becca is smiling like she knows all the secrets and, knowing Becca, she probably does. It’s always the quiet, sweet ones you have to look out for.
“So, tell us what you have planned for your new designs.” I know Everly is trying to change the subject, so I let her have it. Because, if I am honest with myself, and I am about fifty percent of the time, I want to avoid the subject of men altogether.
And with that thought, I launch into my thoughts and my objectives, all the while ignoring the nagging feeling in my gut. I’ll get over this with a lot of time, sugar, and alcohol—not necessarily in that order.
Chapter Two
Travis
The door to my bedroom slams open and bounces off the wall so hard I know that it probably left at least an indentation in the sheet rock. I blink, trying to figure out where I am and finally remember I’m in the apartment in San Antonio. Fuck. There’s only one person who would do that, and she’s probably here to kick my ass.
“What the fucking hell is going on, Travis?” my sister Syd demands.
I close my eyes hoping that she’ll go away, but I know better than that. Sydney Fillmore doesn’t put up with shit, especially from me. I reach down and make sure I’m covered, but knowing her, she wouldn’t give a damn. Older sisters suck sometimes. Granted, this is her apartment. It’s a three bedroom so that Nancy and I have a place to crash when we’re back in town, but Syd spends more time at Grady’s these days. When I got here last night, I was surprised Nancy wasn’t here. It was then I realized she stopped in Juniper. Or I assume so because she didn’t answer my texts. I would have heard from Syd if Nancy hadn’t made it home though. It’s probably a good thing she ended up in our hometown because our last fight was fucked up. We both need time to cool off.
“I could ask you the same thing,” I groan out. Fuck, I’m tired. I left after we wrapped up the last show of the season. It wasn’t an easy drive after a full day of work and the party that followed, but I was ready to get the hell out of Amarillo. I was sick of the smell of manure, and I was sick of the person I was while we filmed there.
“I got a call from Nancy’s agent today.”
Just hearing the name of my cohost has my stomach muscles clenching and a shard of pain to my chest. It also has my dick twitching. Yep, I am sick. She’s done this to me for close to a decade. I keep thinking it will change, that I will somehow get over the infatuation I have with her. And sometimes, when we are apart for a week or two, I think that I have moved on. But I came to the realization that it will never happen, and that’s when I started acting like a world grade prick to her. At first, it worked on the show, until it didn’t.
“And you couldn’t just text me?”
“I did. You didn’t respond and it’s been two hours.”
I open my eyes again as she stomps around to the other side of the bed. Her dark brown eyes are filled with disappointment. Immediately, a sense of shame fills me. It’s been just Syd and me for years. She’s only a few years older, but I look up to her. I hate to cause her any worry. But I know I have this season and it embarrasses me more than I will ever admit.