She handed me a screwdriver. “I’m so glad you had fun.”
“And how about your night?”
“I’m getting used to the new sounds of my apartment, like the refrigerator.” She smiled as she motioned toward the small kitchenette area. That was when the low hum from the appliance registered. I was about to suggest she should talk to the super about it, but kept my mouth shut instead.
“But it felt good to wake up in my own place this morning.” She reached out to pat my hand. “I needed to do this.”
“I know, Ma.” I kissed her cheek. “I’m happy for you.”
I couldn’t fault her kicking me out early either, but at least she fed me first with the large pizza she’d ordered. I’d definitely miss her cooking. Not that she’d never have me over for dinner, but it was high time to start thinking about fending for myself.
Still, going home to an empty house would continue to be strange for a while. I’d almost texted Seth last night to ask if he wanted to hang out, but that was absurd.
Besides, I had some shit to figure out first, so some distance would do us both good. Not that he needed it from me, and honestly, I had no idea what the hell he was thinking, though I’d certainly love to know.
I refocused on the F-150, loosening the lug nuts, then the calipers, before adjusting the new rotors as I considered my options where Seth was concerned.
Would I want to start something with Seth if he was attracted to me?
“I feel so stupid, but sometimes I feel like…I don’t know, it kind of broke me or something. Like it ruined me.”
Damn. After what he’d told me about his experience with that asshole, I wasn’t sure he could even go there with me. Or anyone, for that matter, by the way he’d said it. I may have been way off base, but it sounded like Jesse had provided that security for him while they were roommates, and now he was as lost without his safety net as I was.
I wasn’t even sure what I’d have to offer Seth anyway. Except maybe closeness. I really enjoyed cuddling with him—go figure—and that would totally be enough. For now.
But that was taking a leap from fantasy to actual contact with someone.
Did I really want that? The question of the day.
I’d already taken a chance by going to him during a nightmare and holding him all night, and the way he felt in my arms made my stomach all warm.
And my dick really hard. Pesky side effect.
Yeah, I’d want…something with Seth. Even if it was only hanging out or holding him again.
Holy shit. I’d actually admitted it.
But the implications of what that meant showed themselves way too early, while I was standing near the air compressor, lowering the car from the lift.
“What’d ya do this weekend?” Tad asked, wiping his hands on a rag.
“Hopefully he got laid,” Brett added, reaching for the jack stand near the tool bench. “’Cuz I sure did.”
Tad and Brett high-fived. Brett was always exaggerating details about his many hookups—unless Mia was around to set his ass straight. But I hated being so uncertain in front of them on this topic when I wasn’t in every other area of my life.
My muscles grew tense, which annoyed me, because this was a bunch of bullshit. So I went to a gay club to see a friend. It shouldn’t have been a big deal, but it seemed I was second-guessing everything lately.
“Well, for one, I helped my mom move into her new place,” I replied, choosing the safer topic first.
“How’s that feeling?” Tucker asked, thumping me on the shoulder.
“It’s gotta feel awesome finally having the place to himself. Duh,” Brett replied with an eye roll.
“Wasn’t even talking to you,” Tucker said, pointing a wrench at him. “You know his relationship with his mom is extra special for reasons.”
Yeah, these guys definitely knew all my business, so it was only a matter of time until shit I was trying to keep private came up.
Brett’s shoulders dropped. “Yeah, I know. Was only trying to look on the bright side.”
“Right. At least he can now invite women to sleep over,” Tad said, and I grew motionless, trying to control my breaths because that exact same scenario just happened. Except with a guy. No fucking way was I going there with these idiots.
“So what else?” Tucker asked.
“Huh?”
“You said helping your mom was one of the things you did.” Damn, he didn’t miss a thing, did he? “I tried texting you Saturday night, but you never responded.”
Holy shit. It was while I was driving to the bar, so I ignored it, then totally forgot about it.
“Sorry about that.” My pulse was thrashing in my throat. “I, uh, went to see my friend perform at a bar. He plays piano at this speakeasy type of place. It’s in the basement of this other club.”
“The Underground?” Mia asked as she brought out a box of supplies we’d ordered last week. Of course she knew about the club. I nodded, unable to speak at that moment. “Which friend?”
Finally, my mouth got unstuck. “Seth. Remember the guy who was here for new tires and—”
“Of course I remember!” Her whole face lit up. Guess Seth had that effect on everyone. “He plays piano there? That’s amazing! Why didn’t you invite me?”
I smiled. “Maybe I will next time.”
“Next time, huh?” She grinned at me, and I had to look away. I could feel Tucker’s gaze searing into me. We had always been close and shared whatever was going on in our lives, but this was one thing I couldn’t make the leap with yet, and he was likely feeling burned. But I didn’t know how to broach this topic, not yet. I was only just getting used to the idea myself.
“What kind of bar is it?” Brett asked, cranking the jack to lift the Chevy he was working on.
“The kind that wouldn’t accept your ass in there because you’re homophobic,” Mia replied over her shoulder, heading back inside to a waiting customer.
Brett looked shell-shocked, his mouth turned down in a frown.
“What the hell are you pouting about?” Tad said. “She’s not wrong.”
“I’ll have you know, my cousin is gay and I’m totally cool with LGBT rights and gay marriage and all that shit,” he said in a rush, his face blotching pink. “Live and let live.”
“Well, then stop saying such tone-deaf shit all the time,” Tucker piped in, flinging the wrench in the toolbox harder than he’d probably intended.
“I don’t—” Brett began but then stopped himself. “Yeah, okay, I could work on a few things.”
“Attaboy,” Tad said, tongue-in-cheek, and Brett pushed him a bit too roughly. Before we knew it, they’d be in a fist fight. But if Tad was saying all that for Mia’s benefit, she had missed it.
“Should we all join hands and sing Kumbaya?” I asked, amused by their scowling at each other. “Okay, back to work.”
I sighed, grabbed some brake pads from the box Mia had brought out, and turned up my earbuds again.
17
Seth
Hey, you. Just seeing how you’ve been.