I’ll bring dinner home. Oh, and don’t forget to ask Jesse about this weekend.
I bit my lip, shoving my phone into my pocket again.
“Damn, boy. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen you smile like that,” Jesse said.
I was pretty sure I hadn’t. “Hey, do you have plans on Sunday?”
“No.”
“Jake is having a barbecue at his place, and we wanted to see if you and Dane could come. His friends will be there, so this is…it’s kind of a big deal for him.” This would be the first time Jake was with a man in front of the important people in his life.
“We wouldn’t miss it for anything.”
26
Jake
It was Sunday afternoon. I had just marinated the chicken breasts and placed them in the refrigerator for the barbecue I was suddenly nervous as hell about.
Why had I thought this would be a good idea? On the surface, it was. I hadn’t had people over in a while, and it would be good to kick back with friends. And as it turned out, Seth’s friends and mine pretty much overlapped. Outside of my coworkers, we were both friendly with Dane and Jesse, as well as Mark, Bree, and Hailey—and Mom, of course—so there wouldn’t be many awkward introductions.
Mostly, I wanted Seth to feel comfortable, but I wasn’t sure what that would entail. Did he want me to admit out loud that we were dating, or would that simply become evident to everyone in attendance?
My stomach rolled over at the thought. I had given Mark the heads-up the other night when I’d heard he was back in town and stopped over after work. He seemed completely taken aback at first, probably because it’d come out of the blue for him, but Bree was thrilled and supportive, so in a way she’d helped him snap out of it by the time I’d made my departure, and I was grateful for that.
And by now Mark would’ve had a couple of days for it to sink in, Tucker too. But I’d admit it felt a bit like we would be on display, and yeah, maybe that was a strange thought, but this was all new for me too.
Who knew admitting your sexuality to people would be such a game changer? Christ, our world was fucked up, when people cared who you were attracted to instead of how good your heart was.
At the knock on the door, the butterflies in my stomach kicked up like always when I was about to see Seth. I pulled the door open to a shining smile that made my nerves settle a bit.
I pulled him inside and kissed him until that smile was transferred to my face. Then he followed me to the kitchen, where I began stacking paper plates and plastic utensils on the kitchen island.
“Feeling nervous?” he asked in a hesitant voice.
“Maybe a little,” I admitted, though I didn’t want to get him worked up too.
“Listen, I’ve been thinking…” His features grew serious. “Why don’t we slow it down?”
I stiffened. “What do you mean?”
“Not between you and me, silly. I like our pace fine,” he replied, and God, I was losing it. Normally, I had more confidence than this, but not when it came to him and us and this. I had never felt quite this way about anyone before, so it was terrifying and exhilarating all at once. “I meant in front of our friends. I think this is putting too much pressure on us, and we don’t need that. We’re just getting to know each other, so let’s enjoy the afternoon and play it by ear.”
I let out a breath and stepped closer to him. “I don’t want to disappoint you. Or try to hide you.” I swiped my thumb beneath his eye. “You didn’t wear makeup again, probably on purpose.”
“I wore lip gloss, but it doesn’t stand a chance around your kisses,” he said, arching an eyebrow, and I chuckled. “But hey, I chose not to. Not in such a new situation. I’m pretty nervous too.”
I pulled him against me, and we stood in my kitchen, just holding each other and breathing, and fuck, that felt good. To simply be and check in with him before the madness of the afternoon began.
“I like the idea of playing it by ear.” I kissed his cheek. “Besides, most of our friends already know, even if some haven’t seen us together.”
“True. And we are pretty cute.”
That started more laughing and kissing and hugging. Fuck, he was adorable, and I couldn’t stop touching him, which would make this afternoon feel impossible if I wasn’t able to do that freely. More reason to be brave.
Baby steps.
“It’ll be fine,” I said, because it would be. I’d been through worse. And the important thing was for the people I cared about most to understand. Mom, Tucker, and Mark, all were supportive, and even if they weren’t, I’d have to live with it instead of with the shame of hiding. Because fuck that.
“Speaking of cute…” He lifted a plate from the plastic bag he’d brought inside. “Look at the cookies I made.”
He uncovered a couple dozen chocolate-chip cookies and offered me one. On cue, my stomach rumbled, and I grabbed a smaller one and practically ate it whole, the buttery sweetness bursting on my tongue.
“Damn, that’s good,” I said, swiping a crumb from my lip.
“I’ll bake for you anytime,” he said with a wink. He pulled some beer from the bag and placed it in the fridge, then eyed the stuff I set on the counter. “So what’s on the menu?”
“Burgers and chicken on the grill,” I said, and he nodded in approval. “Mia is bringing her famous baked beans, and Mom dropped off her awesome pasta salad last night to store in the fridge. Guess it needs to marinate.”
“Sounds good.” When he looked over at me, he could somehow tell something was on my mind besides the obvious. “What is it?”
“Nothing. I was thinking about what Mom said to me when she was leaving.” He eyed me curiously. “That she’d be late to the barbecue because she had another cookout she’d be attending at her apartment, in the pool area, apparently.”
“Bonnie’s been keeping herself busy, eh?” he said with a smile. “She makes the rounds pretty easily.”
“Right? She’s always been outgoing,” I mused, then remembered how stifled she’d become over the years with my father, hiding further inside her shell as the years went by. “Oh, and she asked if she could bring a friend.”
“A friend, huh?”
I steeled my reaction. “Has she said anything?” About a friend?
“Just that she’s having a blast,” he replied with a questioning look. “She’s gonna meet people, Jake, and probably date.”
My stomach sloshed. “Of course. I just didn’t think it would be so soon.”
“Soon?” His eyebrows drew together. “Hasn’t it been years?”
I cleared my throat. “Suppose it has.”
And now I felt guilty for all the nights I tried keeping her busy while she lived with me—not that she didn’t find stuff to do all on her own—when maybe she’d just been trying to make me happy.
“Hey, you okay? Do you want to talk—”
“No.” I shook my head and reached for the cutting board. “We need to get cracking before everyone shows up.”