We set to work, chopping tomatoes, onions, and lettuce for the burgers, and I was glad to give my hands something to do and also to give myself a moment to think. Things seemed to be moving along at lightning speed—for everyone, apparently—so Seth’s idea of playing it by ear made sense, but I didn’t want him to feel like he was giving me an out.
Before I could finish that thought, the doorbell rang. Tucker walked in with Lauren, and Mia wasn’t far behind with her cute baby girl, Poppy.
I placed my hand on Seth’s shoulder and squeezed. “You guys, uh, remember Seth?”
“Of course,” Tucker said, seeming momentarily nervous himself before he introduced Lauren, and Mia offered each of us a wave and a smile while her daughter cooed in her arms.
Seth was immediately drawn to Poppy. “I can hold her if you need to unpack your side dish and whatever else.”
“Oh, you’re a doll,” she replied, and somehow I knew they’d become fast friends.
Seth carefully took Poppy in his arms, like a natural, and she stared up at him with big green eyes. Seeing how gentle he was with her did something to my chest, made me wonder what I did to deserve someone so caring and kindhearted.
“You’re staring,” Seth whispered. “And I want to kiss you right now. But instead, you need to get your guests some drinks.”
Shit. I snapped out of it, offering Tucker a beer, Lauren a glass of wine, and Mia one of Seth’s apple ciders, which I had an inkling she might like.
I realized I felt more at ease now that people had shown up and nobody was acting strange. It was only me who was feeling out of sorts.
Seth led Mia and the baby outside and helped set a blanket on the grass with a bunch of toys from Mia’s bag that Poppy could easily grasp, while I stayed inside to continue prepping.
Then I heard a squeal outside and noticed that Dane and Jesse had entered through the side yard to greet Seth, followed by Brett and Tad, who looked curiously at Jesse as he spoke animatedly with Seth. My stomach constricted, wondering what they were thinking of the guy I was falling for—damn, had I just admitted that to myself?—while my protective instinct turned up a notch.
Seth can take care of himself, I reminded myself.
I was so lost in watching them that I was startled when Mark, Bree, and Hailey swept through the kitchen. I offered them drinks, and then Bree followed Hailey out the door as soon as she spotted Poppy on the grass outside.
“You doing all right?” Mark asked in a cautious voice as he cracked open his beer.
“Yeah.” I swallowed, wanting to say so many things but unable to read him right then. “How about you?”
“Good, we’re good.” He took a breath. “Listen, I’m sorry if I sort of freaked the other night. I just had no idea. But damn, I want you to be happy, Jake. With whoever you choose to be with.”
“Fuck, thanks.” I felt my shoulders unwind. “That means a lot.”
He stared out the window to the patio. “And Seth seems like a good guy.”
My stomach throbbed. “He is. The best.”
“Awesome.” He looked me in the eye, a genuine smile on his lips. “Now what can I help with?”
I opened the fridge and lifted the plates of burgers and chicken breasts. “Carry these out to the grill?”
Things looked brighter when I stepped outside behind him and not just because of the weather. I started the grill, giving it time to heat up while I greeted Brett and Tad as well as Jesse and Dane. Seth was chattering away with Mia on the lawn, and when our eyes met, it felt like a physical jolt. We could do this. We were doing this.
Jesse leaned closer to me. “Someone looks happy.”
I resisted the urge to look around to see if anyone was listening. “Yeah…yeah, I am.”
“Awesome.” He barked out a laugh and bumped my hip playfully. “But I was talking about Seth.”
I chuckled and shook my head, then headed back to the grill. As I lined up the chicken and burgers over the flames, I listened to the conversations happening around me. Brett was talking to Mark about the trucking business, and Tad had made his way toward Mia, because of course he’d take any opportunity he could to get to know her better. And maybe it was working because she laughed at something he said and was giving him her full attention while Hailey was busy cooing at Poppy and offering her various toys.
I noticed Seth coming toward me in my side view, then felt his heat beside me.
“I’m gonna set out more salsa and guac,” he said as his hip brushed against mine, and I resisted the urge to reach for him. “In the fridge?”
“Yeah, thanks.” When he turned to head toward the kitchen, I reached for his wrist, then quickly dropped my hand. “Wait?”
He stood motionless as we both stared down at the grill, just…breathing.
“It’s okay,” he said in a low voice. “Don’t be too hard on yourself. Remember, we have time.”
“Or we can rip the Band-Aid off,” I replied, but the thought still curdled my stomach. Fuck, why was I being such a chickenshit?
“I’ll go at your pace,” he said in a wary voice, probably feeling as off-kilter about it as me. “For now, let’s get everyone fed.”
“And keep the drinks rolling,” I replied, then downed the rest of my beer, hoping for some liquid courage.
I shut the lid on the grill, then went around the yard to take drink orders. Once I delivered more beer and wine to my guests, I sat down near Brett and Tucker, who were in a conversation with Mark, Bree, and Lauren. Seth was across the deck with Jesse and Dane, and I couldn’t keep my gaze from traveling to him again and again. I should’ve brought him into this conversation, got him more acquainted with my coworkers, whom I spent the majority of my time with. They should know Seth and understand how important he was becoming to me.
I stood suddenly, decision made, and as I was about to throw caution to the wind, to call him over, my gaze swept to the sliding glass doors that led to the kitchen. I released a small gasp as my mom stepped outside with a man around her age, who was graying at the temples. I stiffened as I noticed a few things all at once: How youthful she seemed as she whispered something to him and he smiled hesitantly at her. How pretty she looked in her summer dress with sandals, her toenails painted a bright pink.
Was he her neighbor or her date?
A date, definitely a date.
My stomach twisted. I had never seen her with a man other than my father, and I recognized that flirty look she’d sometimes throw him during happier moments between them. Moments when I wished with all my might that my dad had finally turned a corner and changed. Wishful thinking for sure.
She reached for me as she approached, then pulled me in a hug.
Snap the fuck out of it.
“Hey, Ma. How was your cookout?” I managed to ask.
“Fun,” she replied, then drew back and turned to her guest. “Jake, this is Bruce.”
Pinpricks bombarded my body as I forced my mouth to smile, to use the goddamned manners my mother had taught me.
“This is my son, Jake,” she said, and he reached out to shake my hand. I didn’t want to be rude, so I thrust my hand at him as Seth stepped up to greet my mom. “And oh, Seth, nice to see you, honey! Seth is the guy my son is dating.”