Seth pecked my lips one last time before walking through the crowd to his second set, and this time I enjoyed how some men checked him out, knowing he would be coming home with me.
I chatted with Dane until they got started again, and switched to water with lemon for their final numbers. In all, it was a great night and I was enjoying myself, even if the tipsy guy had planted himself near Seth’s piano again. Christ, get another hobby, dude.
After Jesse sang his last song, he disappeared from the stage while Seth stayed put for one more. By then the crowd had thinned out a bit more. Once Seth left his piano and began heading my way, I stood to stretch my legs. He would probably trail Jesse to the dressing room to grab his things and remove his makeup, so it would be another few minutes before he’d follow me to my place.
The tipsy guy headed him off before he could reach me, and they began having a conversation. Seth smiled at first, no doubt from one compliment or another the guy lobbed at him, but then seemed to quickly lose interest, glancing over the guy’s shoulder more than once. I could tell he was being polite and trying to placate him as the man blabbered on, and suddenly my skin felt too tight for my bones, my muscles turning hard as steel as frustration arose inside me. I was pissed that this guy felt entitled to keep Seth occupied with whatever drivel was coming out of his mouth, and Seth was too kind to tell him to get lost.
And it reminded me all too much of how Mom would appease my father at all costs. Like he was so important, she needed to put up with whatever the hell he wanted from her. She would always lose a piece of herself in the process, until she was only a former shadow of herself. That man had cost her years of her life.
Just as Seth was about to walk away, the guy’s fingers fastened onto Seth’s wrist, and I saw stars.
“Hey, listen,” Seth was saying to the guy as I stepped closer. Seth glanced at me and shook his head, trying to warn me off. That should’ve been my first sign. “I’m going to meet my boyfriend, and you look like you’ve had a bit too much to drink, so you need to—”
“Wait, I wanted to tell you—” the guy slurred, and I should’ve stayed rooted in place, except at that point, pure instinct had taken over.
My fingers clamped around the guy’s neck, and I yanked him backward. He tripped over his own feet and would’ve landed on the ground had I not grabbed the front of his shirt and wrenched him closer.
“I have it under control,” I heard Seth behind me, but I was already in over my head.
“You don’t put your hands on anyone without consent, you understand me?” I bit out even as I heard Seth calling my name. “You don’t know him like that. And he doesn’t need to stick around and listen to the garbage spewing out of your drunk mouth.”
When the guy’s lip curled and he tried to take a swing at me, I pushed him, hard, and his shoulders smacked the wall behind us.
His friend from the bar was there in an instant. “He didn’t mean any harm. We’ll leave.”
As the guy garbled some cuss words in my direction, his friend easily dragged him toward the stairs. And that was when mortification began seeping in, my skin feeling hot and clammy. I could feel Seth’s gaze on me like a wall of prickly heat, probably Dane’s too, and goddamn it, I had made a mess of things.
When I finally glanced at Seth, his jaw was set tight, his eyes wild, somewhere between stunned and pissed.
“Fuck, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have—”
“No, you really shouldn’t have,” he replied in a frustrated tone, one I’d never heard from him before. “What the hell, Jake?”
“I…I dunno what came over me.” My breath caught in my throat. “He reminded me of… He put his hands on you, and I just…saw red.”
“I can handle myself,” he bit out. “And you’ll never know what I’m capable of if you don’t tone it down, whatever this is. This savior complex.”
I stumbled backward. Where had that term been thrown in my face before?
“You sure this isn’t about you taking care of someone again?”
Fuck, maybe Tucker had been right.
“I…I know that. I just didn’t want him to take advantage of you.”
“There are things I need to figure out for myself. Even if you’re trying to help me, if I shake my head no, that means you have to step back and let me deal with it. If you can’t see that, then maybe you…we…”
“Fuck.” I scrubbed a hand over my face. I’d let my emotions get the best of me tonight. The belligerent guy being hauled outside when I’d arrived, then the dude standing by Seth’s piano all night like some obsessive superfan.
Except Seth was not my mom, and neither of those guys was my douchebag of a father. What the hell had come over me?
“I’m sorry,” I said again, and as I glanced toward the door, all I wanted in that instant was to get the hell out of there. “I should… I’m just gonna leave.”
And then my legs carried me up the stairs and out the door. By the time I got through the stuffy bar upstairs and to the street, I felt like I was having a panic attack. I bent over, gasping, my heart tight in my chest, much like the night Mom and I had finally escaped my father. What in the world was happening to me?
I jogged to my car, cranked up the music to silence my chaotic thoughts, and drove my stupid ass home.
35
Seth
I couldn’t stop my hands from shaking as I worked my way through the bar. It wasn’t a scared kind of shake, more a result of the anger and frustration rushing through my body and overwhelming me.
Jesus, tonight was supposed to have been such a good night. I’d been so confident and happy, felt secure in ways I hadn’t thought I ever would. I’d just wanted to let go, to be me and not worry that person wasn’t strong enough or funny enough or sexy enough.
Then that guy had put his hands on me. My first reaction had been to recoil, that time with Colton filling my head, but then something came over me—I was so damn tired of being scared, of being taken advantage of, tired of being the guy people thought they could mold and control, push around and manipulate and touch whenever they wanted. And for the first time, I stood my ground. I hadn’t let it go past a place where I was uncomfortable like I had with Colton. I hadn’t needed someone to save me like that night years ago when Jesse stepped in when someone got handsy. This time, I’d wanted to take care of it on my own.
And then Jake stepped in. When I told him I had it under control, he ignored me. He hadn’t thought I could take care of myself. He assumed I needed him, and as much as I loved him, I couldn’t need anyone anymore.
What was it about me that told people I was weak? Colton, Mom, random guys, and now even Jake. That was the hardest part to accept because he had never made me feel small before, never made me feel like he didn’t see my strength.
“Seth!” Jesse called to me as I got outside, but I didn’t stop. I ran toward my car, and then Jesse was outside too. “Hey, wait for me. Are you okay?”
“I’m fine. I just need some space.”
“Let me go home with you. I’ll text Dane and—”