For the first time in forever, Jens sleeps.
Axel watches him, until his eyes just can’t stay open anymore. He just can’t help looking. Watching. Hoping that he can be everything Jens needs him to be. That they can do this right. That they can somehow figure out a way to be what surely, they were meant to be.
Sommerfeldt apartment, Skøyen, Oslo
Early Friday morning
At first, he can’t figure out where on earth he is. Just that there are arms and legs everywhere. Little arms. Small legs. And there is definitely a foot wedged under his chin. A very tiny foot.
There is also a little boy standing next to the bed just staring at him. Wearing mismatched pyjamas and an angry scowl under his far too long fringe, a mop of hair that doesn’t even resemble a haircut.
“There is no room for me!” he says. “You are in my space.”
Axel tries to lift his head.
There is that foot again. Pinning him back down, to the point that he has to roll over on his side to sit up.
Jens is asleep with his back to them, still in his shirt and jeans from last night, and there is a little girl asleep across the pillows, arms and legs splayed out like a starfish. And here is Axel. Being stared at by this little lad, who Axel thinks he remembers is Mikki.
“Sorry Mikki. I’ll get up, so you can sleep here. Sorry. Your Pappa said it was okay for me to sleep over.”
“Okay.” Mikki says. “If you are getting up, can I have a Nutella sandwich? I’m hungry.”
And that is how Axel finds himself trying to make Mikki a sandwich in the kitchen instead of going home. Which was his plan. His honest plan. He didn’t plan on standing in the kitchen trying to figure out how to work the strange looking contraption that Mikki swears is a toaster and going through the shopping bags on the floor to see if he can find Nutella. It’s a mess. Even Axel can see that.
It’s almost even worse that he slept wearing yesterday’s clothes, and that he knows he smells bad. Or that his hair is greasy and sticking up at every angle, and his lips are chapped from all that kissing. He remembers the kissing. Oh, he remembers the kisses all right!
He doesn’t quite know how to handle the girl who is standing in front of him with her arms crossed and giving him the filthiest look. She hates him already. Great.
“Axel. I’m hungry. Hurry up.” Mikki is banging his fists on the kitchen table. And Axel has got bread in the toaster. Nutella open. A knife that might or might not be clean. And his hand stretched out to the girl.
“Hi, I’m Axel. Sorry. I ended up crashing here last night. I am going to go, I was just getting Mikki a Nutella sandwich. Is he allowed Nutella for breakfast? I wasn’t sure. I couldn’t find butter. Do you put butter under Nutella?”
God, He is an embarrassment. Rambling. And the girl doesn’t look impressed.
“No butter, just Nutella. And the toast is burning by the way.” She flicks her hair. Walks out. And Axel feels like an idiot.
Sommerfeldt apartment, Skøyen, Oslo
Friday morning
Jens is standing in the doorway, all suit and tie and hair wet-combed back over his head. Looking so effortlessly handsome, and put together, except for the upside-down two-year-old girl in his arms, who is wearing a top with a bus on it and jeans and wellies. She is wearing wellies indoors and Axel doesn’t know what to even think.
“Axel, more toast! I’m still hungry!”
“Mikki you need to get dressed, there are clothes here please just put them on.” The girl is throwing a pile of clothes on the table and Mikki just shoves them on the floor and shouts, “Toast Axel. I am soooo hungry. Moooore!!”
“Axel, any chance of a sandwich for Morten? We need to leave like in two minutes and he is just rolling out of bed. He will eat it on the way if you can just make it. I haven’t got the time, I need to put make up on. Fuck. Mooorten! You wanker get up!” The girl is sweeping through the kitchen like a whirlwind, grabbing a banana from a bag on the floor and shouting as she leaves the room leaving a trail of hairspray in her wake.
“Language Malena!!!” Jens shouts. He is still holding his daughter upside-down and staring at Axel.
Axel can’t quite read him. Axel knows he should have left. He knows this is awkward as fuck. He knows Jens didn’t plan on this. But here he is, and Axel is smearing Nutella on slices of bread and wrapping them in some kitchen towel that he found in one of the bags on the floor, and Mikki is eating a hot piece of toast and smearing Nutella all over his face. And not getting dressed.
“Mikki, please get dressed.” Jens whinges and drops Marthe into her plastic highchair. He hands her some kind of squidgy fruit thing out of the fridge and almost bumps into Axel as he swings around towards the coffeemaker.
Not that they touch. They are so far away from each other that it’s not even funny.
“Does the little one need toast too?” Axel asks, trying to get some kind of reaction out of Jens. He needs anything, Just something. Just don’t tell me to leave. Not yet. Not now.
“Thank you.” Jens whispers under his breath. He stills for a moment, his hands gripping on to the kitchen counter next to Axel, who is smearing Nutella on bread again. “Sorry, I’ve been a shit parent and I have completely lost control of my children. Their language is appalling and they just don’t do as they are told. I don’t know what to do. I just don’t know how to do this.”
“No worries.” Axel pats him clumsily on the arm. “I was going to go, but I got roped into feeding your little monster over there. He was hungry.”
“That’s my Mikki. Always starving. Eats all the time. I’m sure he has worms.”
“Have you had him checked out?” That’s Axel the midwife talking. And he blushes. This is not the time. This is so not his place.
“He is fine. Just growing. Morten was the same until he became a grumpy little shit. Yes, I am talking about you Morten!”
The boy, who is apparently Morten, is standing behind them fully dressed, wearing a snapback and a rucksack, and an expression that Axel can only describe as eternally pissed off.
“Who are you?” Morten growls. “Lena said there is a sandwich for me. I need to go.”
“I’m Axel. Sorry. Here is your sandwich. Nutella. She didn’t specify what you wanted inside.”
Morten shrugs his shoulders. Turns around. While Jens seems to snarl with every word.
“Morten, at least say hello to Axel. Try to be a little bit polite.”
“Hello Axel.” Morten shouts from the hallway. There is some slamming of doors. Malena shouting, “Bye!” Then it is quiet.
Mikki is still eating his toast, staring at Axel and Jens, Marthe sucking at her fruit pouch, Jens leaning against the kitchen counter with his head hanging down.
“Thank you,” Jens says again.
“Don’t worry. I need to go home and shower. I’m working nights this weekend, so I’ll be around in the afternoons if you want to meet up at some point. I would love to see you again.”
Axel’s voice is quiet. He is trying to control himself. He is trying to behave. Do the right thing. Be himself. Let Jens be a dad to his kids.