AXEL: I am having to hide behind the pillow so Morten doesn’t see me crying.
JENS: Don’t cry. I love you. See you at 10.
Morten falls asleep during the film which Axel has seen maybe a hundred times before. And Axel might be snoozing a little too. The new sofa is nice. Comfortable. Smelling clean and fresh. He strokes Morten’s hair. Lets his eyes fall shut again.
MALENA: Axel , can you come and get me? I am really scared. Please don’t tell Pappa.
MALENA: Please Axel.
MALENA: AXEL!!!
MALENA: I fucked up OK? I went to this party to meet up with this guy who turned out to be an arse. I was walking home and I think someone was following me and I am now hiding out in the Narvesen corner shop on Karenslyst allé. Please. Just come down and get me. Please Axel. I’m really scared.
Bergen Airport Flesland Norway
The aircraft finally pushes off stand, and Jens shifts uncomfortably in his seat. They have been stuck on this plane for almost two hours and Jens has had far too much time to think, to let his thoughts rumble aimlessly in his head. He is exhausted. Drained. Yet he is so incredibly happy. He shed a few tears earlier, burrowing his head in his hands when emotion took over. The woman next to him had patted his arm. Whispered that everything will be all right. Just let it out.
He had let it out. Sobbed into his hands and into the tissue the lady had handed him. He couldn’t help it, because it is just such a relief that he isn’t alone anymore. That it’s not all up to him. That he has Axel. That Axel loves him. He still can’t get his head around that he has him back, that Axel is right there, where he needs him the most. In his heart. In his brain. In his thoughts. Twenty-four, seven.
He had thought a lot about what to say, how to explain it to Reim and Yousef. Jens has never had to come out before, never had to justify himself. Sofie was just always there, a friend who stayed. Who just merged into being more than a friend. A girlfriend. A fiancée. His wife.
Axel is different. There are so few people who would remember them from school. To everyone else he is this stranger Jens has brought into his life. A man he has carelessly introduced to his children.
He is his boyfriend. His beloved. His everything. How do you explain that in the course of five weeks without sounding like a crazy person?
Yet when he spoke, things came out right, he had just laughed as he told them the truth. Bathed in kindness and the safety of friends. He told it like it is. He loves Axel. He always has. Always will.
It’s a heady thought to carry, but the lightness is still in his chest. He is not alone. He is not on his own anymore. He has someone there who has his back. Who holds his heart. Someone who makes him so horny that he struggles to contain himself at the best of times.
He opens his laptop and starts scanning his emails. Opens the first of the book review assignments and tries to ignore the throbbing in his trousers, as his eyes start to scan the text. The tightness of his underwear. The concerned look at his flushed face from the lady in the next seat.
Damn Axel. Damn, damn Axel.
Sommerfeldt apartment, Skøyen, Oslo
Axel barely lets his lips nudge Jens’ as he squeezes past him in the doorway, taking the steps two at a time on the way down. He is still in his pyjama trousers with one of Jens’ jumpers thrown on top (he missed him okay? The jumper smells like Jens and it made Axel happy, and just knowing the fabric had touched his skin was a comfort in itself.). Shouting, “I’ll be back in ten minutes, just hang on baby!” as he hurtles down the stairs and heads out the front door.
Axel knows where he is going, it’s not far, but he is still terrified. He keeps thinking that he shouldn’t feel like this, that she is just a stranger really. Another man’s daughter. Yet somehow Axel can’t bear the thought of her being scared, or God forbid something happening to her. She is his responsibility, and somehow, and Axel doesn’t really know how, he fucked up. Again. He should have checked where she was going, checked with Jens.
He should have asked questions. Or not. He should have trusted her, and she should have trusted him enough to be honest. Well, in an ideal world that would be the case and right now, Axel just wants to scream and pull at his hair in frustration. Why isn’t this easier? How can he stand in front of a room of expectant parents on Monday evening, telling them that they should listen to all his textbook advice, when in the real world everything just goes to hell? And back. And to hell again.
Axel needs to rewrite his course. He needs to add a few home truths. Tell the poor people to go home and just don’t do it. Don’t have children. Your life will never be the same again.
He slams the door to the corner shop open, looking around like he is deranged robber. Well, he would probably scare the living daylights out of himself if he ran into someone who looks as messed up as Axel does, but cashier just nods to the corner of the shop where Malena is perched on one of the stools sipping a cup of coffee.
“Your dad’s here.” The cashier nods to Malena, who can’t even meet Axel’s eye as she climbs down and walks up to him. Head bowed, still chewing the rim of the cup.
“Your dad? Really? Are you okay? Lena?” Axel tries to grab her arm but she just shrugs him off.
“I’m fine. I just want to go home. Is Pappa home yet?”
“Do you think I would leave the kids on their own? Of course, he is home. And I think you need to explain to him what happened this evening, because I couldn’t even begin to tell him even if I tried.”
Axel is fuming. He is trying to be calm. To think this through before he speaks. Because this is nothing more than what Axel himself did so many times at her age. Sneaking out so he could sleep at Jens’ house. Turning up late at night, sending a text saying that he was outside and Jens would buzz him in, meeting him on the stairs with a hug and a whisper.
Then lying to his Mum that he had left for school early, when she questioned him. Lie after lie. Until he didn’t have to lie anymore and barely left his room. Heartbroken and destroyed.
“None of your business. Just leave Pappa out of this.” Malena doesn’t sound too sure of herself as she walks along the pavement, Axel walking next to her with his arms crossed over his chest.
“Malena. I trusted you. I didn’t even question where you were going, because I thought we were friends. I thought that you respected me enough not to lie to me and mess this up. We had a good thing going on, and now we don’t. Jens already thinks I am useless and a total flake, after trying to look after you guys for barely forty-eight hours. Now he will think that I am totally irresponsible and that I knew you were out and didn’t even question it, or ask him if it was okay. That last part is my fault. But you should have handled this as a grownup if you want to be treated like one. I’m just really pissed off and disappointed. I thought I could trust you. I thought we were friends.”
“We are not fucking friends.”
“We fucking-well are. Why else do you think I am out in the middle of Oslo in my PJ’s? Do you think I am doing this for fun? You scared the shit out of me with those texts. I freaking ran here, to get you, thinking that something had happened to you. Because that is what friends do.”