Mikki seems to have grown overnight. And weighs a ton. And Axel sits up slightly to realise he has Morten pressed to his chest and Mikki is hanging over the side of the bed on the other side.
Which is slightly awkward because if Morten wakes up like this he will be embarrassed. And if Axel pushes him away, he will wake up. And Mikki will fall onto the floor and scream and everything will just go to hell.
“Jens!” Axel hisses. “Jens!”
“What?” His voice is slow and tired. Still half asleep.
“What do I do with your oldest son?” Axel whispers, trying to edge his body closer to Jens’ so he can give Morten a little space.
“Morten?” Jens raises his head, just high enough, then cuddles back into Axel’s neck. “Just leave him. He is just cuddling. He needs some love too. He’s only young, and I think we sometimes forget that he still needs to be a little boy sometimes.”
“Won’t he be embarrassed if he wakes up like this? With me?”
“Why would he? If he wanted cuddles with me he would have squeezed in between us and pushed you away. He always does, Pushes Mikki away so he can have a cuddle. So, he must have wanted an Axel cuddle.”
“Axel cuddle.” Axel giggles softly. “Is that a thing?”
“It is now. I get Axel cuddles every night, and I love it. I think we should make it the law. I think you should stay here every night from now on, because I hate waking up without you.”
“You wouldn’t get sick of my sorry arse lying here every night taking up all the space?” Axel turns his head so he can plant his lips on Jens’ cheek. He can barely reach but he needs. He just needs to kiss. Touch. Feel.
It’s a stretch but he manages to turn his body around, letting Morten move with him, so the boy is stuck to Axel’s back. Breathing softly into the t-shirt he is wearing that is damp with sweat from being plastered to Jens’ chest all night.
“Better baby?” Jens whispers into his temple, as Axel finds the spot he craves, letting his head relax into the space on Jens’ chest that has ‘Axel’ written all over it. The space where he can lie and hear Jens’ heartbeat against his cheek. Where Jens’ lips fit perfectly against his forehead. Where arms and legs just find their space.
It’s almost embarrassing how loud Axel sighs. He loves this. This, right here. When it is quiet and peaceful, and it is just them. Axel and Jens. Jens and Axel.
“I mean it Axel, I love you and I want you here. With me. You and me and the kids. All together. I want us to be a family. There is no one else for me Axel. I never thought about meeting someone else, and I would never have gone looking for anyone else. I’ve had a wonderful life and I am grateful. I’ve counted my blessings, and then I gave up on myself. If I hadn’t found you again I would still have been here, on my own. Wondering how I would make myself get out of bed in the morning and if there was any use in trying… trying to make this life bearable again.”
“I’m glad you found me. I am so incredibly happy that I have you Jens. You need to know that. I thought I was happy before, I thought I was okay on my own. I wasn’t. I know that now.”
“Then stay. Don’t go back home. Come live with us.”
Jens blushes, when Axel looks up and meets his eye. It’s a look Axel hasn’t seen before, a look that is full of fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of having said the wrong thing. Fear of not being loved. And it breaks his heart knowing that Jens thinks he needs to feel all those things, because he doesn’t. He never needs to doubt. Never.
“Baby…” Axel can’t find the right words to say. So, he doesn’t. He talks with his lips, kissing this man underneath him with everything he has got. With lips and tongues and sighs and moans and his hands grasping the soft hair on Jens’ head. He kisses. Soft kisses on his cheeks. On his eyelids. The tip of his nose. The softness of his cheeks. Down the side of his neck. Letting his hand steady Jens’ head, as he opens his eyes and meets Axel’s gaze again.
“We will never be apart again.” Axel whispers. “Never. Because I love you.”
“I love you too.”
“I just don’t want to mess up the kids. It’s a lot to get used to for them, not only that I am here all the time, but the idea that I would live here. Would they be okay with that?”
“Axel, they might behave like feral bunny rabbits most of the time, and Malena has enough attitude to break anyone, but you must see it Axel. You must realise they adore you. Almost as much as I do.”
Axel doesn’t know what to say to that. Only that his eyes prickle and he tries desperately to swallow down the sob that is brewing in his chest.
“I know it will be a big change for you, and the lovely clean beautiful flat you live in, compared to this shithole. I know it’s a mess. At least we have a new sofa that won’t give you internal injuries if you sit on it.”
“I don’t care about the mess, Jens. I honestly don’t. All I care about is you, and the kids. I love your kids. I do. They’re brilliant, funny and loving, and nutty and brave. And my flat is like a bloody showroom. It’s got no soul in it. It’s just this place where I kind of sat in silence. I wouldn’t say I lived when I was there.”
“Well, it’s a good place for… well… you know. Naughty business.”
Jens is giggling into Axel’s forehead. His chest jumping under the weight of Axel’s head.
“So, I move in here, and we use my flat for dirty afternoons full of…” Axel blushes a little and whispers, “Sex,” into Jens’ ear.
“Well, we could still have dirty afternoons full of… you know… here. But I kind of agree that your place is much more fun. Relaxing. Just us. No kids. No worrying about having to change the sheets so the kids don’t sleep in our mess. Because that is a little bit, well… Naughty.”
“Naughty indeed, Very naughty.”
This is the problem. Because now Jens has a bloody boner going on and Axel is nibbling at his neck and Marthe is sitting up clapping her hands and singing, “Baa Baa Black Sheep,” in her little voice and Mikki has just fallen out of bed. Sitting on the floor, rubbing his head, wondering how on earth that happened. While Morten is snoring softly into the back of Axel’s t-shirt and there is a mobile phone ringing out in the living room.
So, they all get up. Mikki settling in on the sofa with the TV on, Morten rolling over and going back to sleep with the duvet over his head, and Marthe walking around carrying her potty, planting kisses on the side of it and telling Jens that it’s a Princess Potty, because Marthe is a pretty Princess. Which she is. Axel keeps telling her. Helping her remove her nappy and letting her sit on the potty in front of the TV as his mobile rings again.
The alone time they were promised last weekend fell apart when Axel had to work. And here he is again, getting called in for another emergency double shift, breaking all his promises of the things he had planned to do with the kids today. The Hospital is seriously dangerously short of midwives and, well, Axel doesn’t say no. I mean, how could he? So now he runs around like a lunatic trying to get dressed, trying to find something clean to wear. Grabbing a hoodie in the hallway, before getting shouted at by Malena that if he steals her hoodie he is a dead man. Well he takes it straight off, while Jens laughs and grabs him another jumper. Pulls him into a hug against his chest. Letting him breathe him in with little kisses. Eyes so full of love that Axel goes a little weak in the knees again.