I’m not drunk. Or high.
I’m not anything.
That’s the problem.
Part of me wishes Stimmy was around so I had someone to beat up.
Then again, anyone here is fair game.
The crew hangs near the railing, talking with Peg Leg Mikey, finishing up business.
My eyes move to the ocean.
My day begins and ends at the same spot.
I hear someone behind me.
The wheels of their skateboard hitting the wood of the halfpipe.
It’s like I can hear every little noise it makes. The squeak of each wheel. The wheel on the wood. The imperfections…
I feel a wave crash through my body.
I turn around and there’s some guy standing a foot away from me.
He smiles at me. “What’s up, Mac?”
What’s up, Mac?
I lunge at him.
In the time it takes me to blink, I hit him in the face.
He quickly falls to the ground and grabs his skateboard.
Next thing I know I’m holding my gun in my hand, pointing it at him.
“Fuck, don’t shoot me,” he yells.
He’s holding the skateboard over his face and as much of his body as he can.
My finger is on the trigger.
Mac… Mac… Mac…
I can hear Jolie’s voice in my head.
Then I hear a voice in real life.
“Mac! Mac!”
Arms wrap around me.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Les yells into my ear.
Taz appears in front of me, hands out. “Whoa, whoa, bro. Take a breath. No need to get too crazy here, right?”
I take that breath and throw my elbows to get Les away from me.
I look around and everyone is watching me.
The guy with the skateboard is still on his back, holding the skateboard up.
“What happened?” Taz asks. “I’ll finish it.”
“His skateboard is too squeaky,” I say.
“Seriously?” Les asks.
I walk away.
I tuck my gun into the back of my jeans.
A little distance is a good thing at the moment.
But it doesn’t last long.
Les steps up to my left side.
Taz at my right side.
They’re silent.
They get it.
They understand it.
“Want me to break his board?” Taz asks.
“No,” I say.
“Everything is done here,” Les says. “Business is good. Cash is on point. Things are solid.”
“Ado is missing,” I say.
“Fuck,” Taz says. “I heard about that. Fucking sad.”
“Are we going to get pushed at?” Les asks.
“Probably,” I say. “But don’t worry, Declan will handle it.”
I take out a cigarette and light it.
One drag and I feel a little better.
Not much.
I don’t think I’ll ever actually feel better.
But I can fake it.
I can do what all these punks at the skatepark do.
I can chase a high.
Not the same kind they chase though.
“Plans,” I say.
“Let’s hear it,” Taz says.
“Make some calls,” I say. “I want a full house tonight.”
“You sure?” Les asks.
“I’m fucking sure,” I say. “I know exactly what I have to do now.”
20
JOLIE
“I think I’m good,” Violet says as she steps out of the bathroom.
She’s drying her hair with a towel.
She’s in fresh clothes.
A black top with lots of cleavage and jean shorts that are skin tight.
“You look good,” I say to her. “Although, it’s nice to see you face down in a toilet…”
“Shut up,” she says. “That was your fault.”
“How in the hell was that my fault?” I ask.
“You were all sad and yucky. So I drank to…”
“You have nothing right now,” I say.
“I don’t,” Violet says.
She balls up the towel and throws it into the bathroom.
“Are you going to pick that up?” I ask.
“Nope,” Violet says.
I sigh.
Violet knows how to wear out her welcome really fast.
But it’s nice to have her around.
I wander through the living room to the window and stand there.
I take a few breaths.
It’s hard to picture Mama Dae not being in that house. Not being in complete control of everything and everyone. I can’t imagine her not cooking giant meals, not pulling a gun on everyone… or just listening to someone else in general.
It’s almost like she’s going to hide.
Which she kind of is.
She’s hiding to protect herself. And to protect Mac and the crew.
I don’t know if this means Mac has to take care of everything on his own or what…
“You dreaming over there?”
I shake my head. “Trying not to cry.”
“Cry? Oh, Jolie…”
Violet touches my back and puts her head to my shoulder. I feel her wet hair seep through my shirt.
“It’s not all that easy, Violet,” I whisper.
“I know it’s not. I’m sorry for anything I’ve said that wasn’t supportive. It’s not easy to just let go of someone. I know you love him.”
“There’s a part of me that loves it all… but then it gets so real.”
“I know.”
I blink. I don’t want to cry.
I don’t want Mama Dae to be sick. I don’t want Mama Dae to have had Declan come after me.
I still haven’t told Violet that part. I probably won’t either. She wouldn’t understand. I kind of feel like Mac right now. I’m the one protecting Violet from that life. Keeping her on the outside the best I can. Letting her see the sexy side of it with these bad boys who have no fear, but not going too far because when you realize what they did…
“What are you going to do?” Violet asks.
“I have no idea,” I say.
“My offer still stands. For us. Together.”
“You’re a good friend,” I say. “Thanks for being here.”
“I’m sorry you’re going through so much,” Violet says. “With your family. With Mac. It’s a lot to have happen at once. I always knew you hated law school.”
“I didn’t hate it.”
“Yes, you did.” Violet laughs. “You never wanted that. You thought you did. You were going to take the easy path. The one right in front of you.”
“Is that so bad?” I ask.
“No,” Violet says. “I would do the same thing myself.”
I step away from Violet. “Good. Because the way I feel right now… I don’t know what to do. I feel like my entire life has come to a standstill. Yet the world is moving along just fine. I feel left behind.”
“You’re not left behind, Jolie. You never really told me what happened with Mac. And I know you saw him again today.”
“I just can’t talk about it,” I say.
I walk away from Violet.
This thing with Mac isn’t over yet.