“Worried? You should be worried about me losing control without my meds. Is that what you want? You want me to lose control? You want me to hurt you?” He stalks toward me, and the need to take a step back, to put distance between us, is damn near consuming me. I resist, though. Roman isn’t going to scare me away. I’ve looked a much bigger monster in the eye and survived.
“You’re not going to hurt me, and you don’t need those drugs. We both know it.” As soon as the words are out of my mouth I almost regret saying them. Roman is on me, like a cat pouncing on a mouse se grips me by the chin, his touch searing deep into my skin.
“Don’t you see it Sophie…” His nose brushes against mine, while my chest heaves up and down, air refusing to enter my lungs. “I do want to hurt you.” I whimper at the bruising force of his touch. His lips ghost against my racing pulse, and I almost sigh into his arms, but that’s what he wants. He wants me weak so that I can’t fight with him on the matter.
“I want to make you feel my pain. I want to hurt you...crack you wide open…make you bleed.” I try to shake my head, feeling the tears sting my eyes. He can’t truly mean that. He’s just trying to scare me, trying to push me away.
“You don’t mean that.” I barely get the words out, and a shiver of fear runs through me when my gaze meets his. Those gray eyes I love so much, that hold tender adoration for me are now black, black as the night sky without stars.
He’s not himself...he’s not Roman.
“But I do...do you need me to prove it to you? Do you want to see what happens without those pills?” I gulp down my fear. Roman is more than this, more than some stupid pill. I wretch out of his grip and grit my teeth scurrying away from him. I don’t stop until the back of my legs touch the couch.
“That’s what I thought. If you’re smart, you’ll stay out of my way. Whatever the fuck I do with my life is not your choice. Fighting and these pills were here long before you ever were.”
Tears start to form behind my eyes, and I refuse to let him see me cry. He doesn’t deserve it. I turn and run out of the room while holding a hand to my chest. I feel like if I don’t my chest might rip open, and my heart might fall to the cold ground, shattering into a million tiny little pieces. I run until I reach my bedroom then I shut the door and lock it behind me. The rooms already looks blurry from the tears distorting my vision and I swipe at the tears willing them away.
I let myself fall onto the bed, hugging the pillow to my chest as I sob into it. How could he say those things to me? I know he didn’t mean them, there’s no way…if he didn’t care about me then he wouldn’t have protected me. He wouldn’t have killed for me. I cry until my eyes are swollen, my nose is completely stuffed up and my head feels like someone hit me with a baseball bat.
I have no idea how much time has passed until a soft knock at the door startles me.
“Sophie…babe open the door,” Roman asks through the door. Even with his voice muffled, he sounds off. He sounds calm now, but still not like himself. I bite at my bottom lip, trying to stop my heart from beating for this man. I love him...and I think I’ve known it all along, but I’m not afraid to admit it to myself. I’d go through anything for him—anything—because he saved me.
“I’m sorry...please just open the door. I’m not going to hurt you...” He sounds sad and defeated, and I find my feet moving without thought. He’s so afraid he’s going to hurt me, I’d bet anything it’s eating away at his insides, but I know him. I know him beneath all the darkness, and I trust him, with my heart, my mind, my body. Unlocking the door, I open it, finding Roman leaning against the doorframe.
He looks pale, and there’s a thin layer of sweat against his forehead, but other than that, he seems to be the same gorgeous, far less angry, Roman he always is.
“Are you okay?” I ask, concerned for his well-beginning.
“Yeah, I’m great now. My friend brought me something to tie me over until I can get my normal pills.” I watch Roman closely. His jaw moves funny, and his eyes flicker around unnaturally. Something feels off about him, like the air around him isn’t normal. I look into his eyes and realize his pupils are so dilated, I can’t see any color.
“Why don’t you lie down, Roman? You don’t look so good,” I coax. Grabbing his hand, I pull him into the bedroom with me. Maybe he just needs to sleep it off.
He follows me to the bed and sits down, letting me guide him every step of the way. At least he is calm...for now. As soon as I get him to sleep, I’m going to call Ivan. I don’t want to hurt Roman, but I can’t watch him self-destruct like this.
One look at Roman and I realize it’s not sleep he wants.
“You’re so fucking beautiful...beautiful, and mine, all mine.” He lifts his hand and cups my cheek. His caress is gentle, kind. I close my eyes, leaning farther into it, reveling in his touch.
“Take your clothes off,” Roman orders a second later. I pause for a moment. This is probably a bad idea, more than a bad idea considering the state he’s in, and the unknown drug he’s taken...but I want him. Regardless of everything going on around us, my body still craves him…
He reaches for my breast with his free hand and my body arches into his touch, seeking pleasure only he can give me. He rubs a thumb over my already hardened nipple, through my t-shirt, and a moan betrays me, falling from my lips without thought.
“Roman, should we really do this?” I already know the answer is no, but I can’t seem to get my body on the same page as my mind.
“Do you not want to?” Roman grins, tugging on my nipple once more. “It’s clear your body wants me. If I peeled your panties off and sunk my fingers deep inside your cunt, I bet I’d find you drenched.” There’s no denying how much I want him. I always want him—always. I wouldn’t lie about that, but I’m not sure we should do this.
“Of course I want to. I always want you, but…”
Roman is on me in a flash, his lips hot as fire, his hands possessive. All doubt leaves my mind, replaced with pure carnal need. My arms snake around his neck, pulling him even closer.
Maybe this is what he needs, maybe he needs to feel me, beneath him, inside me. He moves and pushes me to lay flat on my back, his heavy body on top of mine, making me feel safe and wanted. There isn’t an inch of space between us right now. I can feel his chest heaving, his muscles tensing, and his heart racing. All those things together only make me want him more.
My thighs quiver as I grab the hem of his shirt and pull it up, urging him to take it off. He pulls it over his head with a grin, and as soon as it’s gone, my hands on are on him, feeling every ridge and dip of his muscles.
Suddenly he is off me, lifting his chest so he can take my shirt off. His hands freeze just as he grabs the hem of my shirt.
“What did you say?” He asks me out of nowhere, while giving me an odd expression.
“I didn't say anything,” I say breathlessly and confused.
“Why would you fucking say that?” Everything changes in a blink of an eye. Roman goes from calm and loving to wild and angry without a single explanation and I’m confused, more than confused. What’s going on? Had I said something without remembering it? I blink, trying to think, to figure out what is going on.