“Roman…I swear I didn’t say anything,” I plea, but that seems to only make him angrier.
“I fucking heard you! Why are you laughing? Do you think it’s funny?” He seethes, his entire body vibrating.
For the first time since I’ve met Roman, I am truly afraid of him. My whole body is trembling, and my heart is racing so fast I think it might burst out of my chest at any minute. His eyes are wild, unhuman like. It’s like I’m looking at a different person and all I can think of is to get away from him. My body’s only instinct is to get away, as far away as possible.
He is looming over me, a man who is not only twice my size but one I’ve witnessed kill fully grown men with nothing more than his hands.
“Please…Roman…” I beg him, looking straight into his eyes but it’s like he doesn’t see me, or he sees something else. Then his gaze suddenly catches something in the corner of the room. Whatever he thinks he’s seeing distracts him long enough for me to slide all way up to the headboard and roll off the bed on the other side.
By the time his gaze swings back to me I’m already across the room, running out the door as fast as my legs will carry me. I hear him following me down the hallway, his body slamming into the wall, as he moves throughout the house. He’s disoriented and his deep growls tell me he’s growing frustrated. I make it to the living room and sigh in relief when I find his phone is still sitting on top of the liquor cabinet where he left it last.
I grab the phone and run to the closest guest bathroom, locking myself inside. I don’t turn the light on, hoping he doesn't know that I’m hiding in here right away. I sit down on the floor, knowing that if I don’t my legs will give out on me and I’ll fall to the floor on my ass. I unlock the phone and find Ivan’s name in the contacts. I hit the green call button and hold the phone to my ear. It only rings three time but I swear the time in-between each ring is unusually long.
“Roman?” Ivan’s voice filters through the phone.
“Ivan, there is something wrong with Roman,” I say, my voice coming out rushed and shaky. “He took something. He's not being himself and he's scaring me. I’m hiding in the guest bathroom, but I'm worried he'll find me.”
“I’m on my way. Just keep yourself hidden. I’ll be there as fast as I can.” The phone goes dead, and I’m left alone in the dark, hoping Ivan gets here before Roman finds me.
For a few minutes I’m left in the darkness with nothing to listen to beside my ragged breathing and my racing heartbeat. Then I hear him. Roman’s voice booming through the hallway.
“Sophie! Where the fuck are you?” He sounds so angry and I have no idea why. What did he think I said? What did he hear that made him so angry? I pull my knees up to my chest and hug them tightly, trying to make myself small...or better yet invisible.
Memories of my father looking for me invades my mind. I was hiding that day too. He still found me though...he found me, and he beat me. A sob escapes my lips and my hands fly to my mouth, covering it tightly.
“Sophie!” He yells again, and this time he sounds closer. I’m so scared, but more so I’m angry...so angry that I let this happen again. I trusted someone close to me and they betrayed me.
I’m my own worst enemy. Why did I feel so safe with him? What a cruel trick the universe has played on me.
I should've listened to him…he warned me and still, I trusted him. I gave him my heart. In the back of my mind I always knew that my parents didn't love me like they should.
Even if I didn't want to admit it. I always felt that there was something off. I never felt loved...not completely. Not like my younger sister was loved. But Roman? I trusted him, I thought he loved me like I loved him. I felt so safe with him. How could I be so blind?
There must be something wrong with me. That’s why no one loves me.
“Sophie?” Roman’s voice breaks the silence. He's right on the other side of the door, within arm’s reach, but I can't save him...I can’t. My heart sinks into my stomach when the door knob rattles, but the door doesn't open.
“Open the fucking door or I’ll kick it in. I know he is in there with you!” His accusation is not rational, nor one I understand.
What?
“No one is in here with me Roman,” I try to convince him, but he can’t be reasoned with right now.
“I know he is in there, open the door so I can kill him. Did he touch you? Did you let him? I’m going to fucking kill him?”
“Roman, you’re scaring me. Please stop,” I whimper just before a loud bang makes me jump. The walls vibrating around me as Roman tries to kick in the door. Luckily this door is much sturdier than the flimsy dressing room door. Bang. Another kick and I’m shaking so hard that my teeth rattle together.
On the third bang the door flies open and Roman’s large frame fills the doorway. My heart stops when he takes a step into the small room. I look up at him, but I can’t see him. It’s a different person towering over me. A dangerous person…someone who is going to hurt me.
“Where is he?” His eyes move around the room like he's searching for something, and then he leans down and grabs me, his fingers digging into my arms painfully. A scream rips from my throat, fear consuming every inch of my body as he smashes me against his hard chest.
“Did he touch you? Where is he Sophie?”
He crushes me to his chest and for a moment I just let him...I lean into his chest and pretend that everything's okay...pretend that Roman is still everything I thought he was, my protector, my savior and my lover. I sob into his flesh as he holds me to him with a possessiveness that is both frightening, and loving. Then the moment passes and Roman’s pushing me away, holding me out at arm’s length. The warmth of his body leaves me, and I feel cold all over, down to the tips of my toes.
“Are you hiding him? Are you lying to me?” His hands wrap around my arms like iron shackles and before I can respond he starts shaking me. “Don’t fucking lie to me! Don’t you dare try and protect that bastard.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, just waiting for this nightmare to be over, when suddenly my back hits the wall, knocking all the air from my lungs. I feel the force of the blow in every bone in my body, but it’s not the pain of him slamming me against the wall that hurts most.
It’s the pain inside my bleeding heart. Then as if he was never there at all he’s gone. The spots where his fingers had dug into my skin are still tingling when I force my eyes open.
Roman is on the floor in the hallway now, his face pushed into the floor, while Ivan has his knee pressed between his shoulder blades, holding him in place. And even after everything, my first thought is to tell Ivan not to hurt him.
“Go outside and lock yourself in my car,” Ivan orders without so much as looking at me, but I can’t make my body move.
“Don’t hurt him please,” I whisper wanting to intervene.
“Are you serious right now?” He looks up at me as if I’ve lost my mind…and maybe I have.
I shake my head and shrug. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I just don’t want him hurt. He didn’t mean to do this. Roman wouldn’t ever actually hurt me.”