My phone vibrates in my pocket and I know who it is before I even look at the screen. I pull the damn thing from my pocket and stare that screen for a long second.
I press the green answer key and start speaking before he does. “I told you to stop calling me.”
“Where the fuck are you? I told you not to go to that fight!” He speaks to me like he’s my father instead of my brother.
“Sorry, Dad. I’ll remember to ask you next time. Oh wait, I’m an adult. You can’t make decisions for me. You can’t fucking save me.”
“I’m asking you as your brother, please don’t go to this fight, Roman. You are in no shape to fight today. You’ve hardly eaten, you’ve barely left your bedroom in the last two weeks. When was the last time you even worked out? Did you train at all for this fight?”
My jaw grinds, my teeth clenched painfully together. Fucking Mac and his constant reporting of my depressive state to my brother.
“It’s none of your concern. It doesn’t matter if I die. I have nothing to live for anyway,” I don’t wait for what he has to say next. I just hang up and power down my phone.
“Don’t say shit like that, Roman,” Mac yells at me from the driver’s seat. “You have plenty to live for and you better not forget it when you are in that ring…tonight. Tell me you are going to win right now or I’ll turn the car around and drive your ass home.”
“I’m going to win this fight…” My words are empty, but Mac doesn’t need to know that. I have no idea if I will and neither do I care. I just want this day to be over with. I’m either going to die tonight or I’m going to kill someone, go home, and drown in my sorrows.
When we arrive at the warehouse, I jump out of the car before Dev and Mac change their minds and drag my ass back home. I walk downstairs into the locker room with the guys flanking me as the do every fight, only today is not like every other fight, because for the first time I don't care if I win or lose. Nothing matters anymore, nothing.
Time flies while we are waiting for the main event to be called. When it does, I get up and walk out into the crowd without a word. Most people just step out of my way, some idiots slap me on the back and wish me good luck. One chick tries to kiss me on the cheek, but I turn away from her before she can get her lips close enough.
I know that it’s loud in here, people yelling, making their final bets, cheering me on...Usually I would revel in this, soak it up while I can. But today all the noise around me that reaches my ears is nothing more than a low annoying buzzing sound. I can’t make out a single word anyone is saying. It’s as if someone just turned down the volume.
I get into my corner of the ring and look at the guy across from me. He is about my height, but he has a good twenty pounds on me in weight. That means two things. He is probably slower than me, but if he knows how to throw a punch right, he can put more weight behind it. I guess we’ll find out here in a minute.
The announcer motions for us to come to the center of the ring and then he gives the signal for us to start fighting. The other guy starts coming for me immediately, swinging at my face.
I didn’t expect him to be so quick, to attack without getting a feel of me first. Even with me not having trained in the last two weeks, my reflexes are still on point. I easily dodge every punch he throws at me, and I even get a few good punches in on him, but that lasts only for a short time.
Then slowly things change. Something happens that's never happened to me before…I start to feel the onset of fatigue.
Usually I let the other guy tire himself out while I wait bouncing around the ring while toying with him, and then, and only then do I go in for the kill. Today however, I’m the one being worn out.
I can feel my muscles strain, a deep ache radiating throughout my body, slowing me down. My reflexes are getting slower and my punches are losing power, and effectiveness.
Shit. I didn't realize how much extra energy the double dose of pills gave me before each fight.
My train of thought is interrupted by a right hook to the jaw. My teeth rattle inside my head and stars appear over my vision.
Pain explodes across my jaw and up my face. There's a deep ache behind my eyes and I throw my hands up to protect my face and head until I regain my bearings. My opponent of course takes that opportunity to dish out some well placed kidney shots. I can barely suck in an entire breath without wheezing. Dizziness washes over me, and I'm afraid that I'll fall to the ground at any second.
I take another punch to the side of the head, and it briefly knocks some sense into me. I give the guy some good jabs to the gut and one hard punch to the face. I all but groan when the fucker gives it back to me a moment later.
Another wave of pain followed by dizziness overcomes me when his bare knuckles connect with the skin above my right eye.
My head snaps back and for a moment I drop my hands, giving him free rein to keep hitting my head…and that’s exactly what he does.
One punch after the other, my jaw, my cheek, my nose, anything he can hit…he hits, and I let him. The pain is a welcoming feeling for once.
By the time I get my hands back up I can feel the blood running down my face. Its hurts to breathe, to keep my eyes open, to simply live and I'm about to just drop my arms all together and let him kill me, but before I do, he hits me in the gut so hard that I double over.
Another punch to the back of my head brings me to my knees and I know that’s it. There is no way I’m getting back up.
I’m too weak, I have no fight left in me.
I open my eyes, blinking as blood runs into my left eye. I don’t even hear the buzzing noise of the crowd anymore.
Now there is nothing...only silence surrounds me. I look out into the crowd…I'm about to close my eyes for the final time, to give up completely when I see her. I blink, and I feel like I might just be seeing shit, but when I look again, she's still there right in the middle of the sea of people surrounding me she stands.
Sophie. My Sophie. My beacon of light.
So out of place, like a blooming rose in a field of wilted weeds. Everything is in black and white except her. She is the brightest most beautiful thing in the room. Her eyes are wide and full of fear and her mouth is moving as if she is trying to tell me something, but I can’t hear her beautiful angelic voice in this deafening silence
Pain erupts across the back of my skull and I sink even lower, having to hold myself up with my hands now. My eyelids are so heavy, but I don’t want to stop looking at her. I force my eyes to stay open even when my entire body wants to shut down.
Sophie is trying to come closer, to get through the crowd, but people around her are going crazy. Some guys push her out of the way, and she stumbles into another who pushes her to the other side, almost making her fall.
Something inside me churns…it's like a fire has been lit deep in my belly. Nobody fucks with what is mine. Anger floods my system, fueling every single cell in my body to wake up.
In an instant, the fog surrounding my head is lifted, all my senses return to me. Adrenaline courses through my veins like lava spewing from a volcano. My muscles ache and are tight with tension but I grit my teeth, somehow finding the strength to stand.
I glance at Sophie's angelic face one last time before I spring into motion. I can't let her down. I can't let her watch me die.