“You don’t need to know how because you won’t be speaking to him,” I tell her surely. Ava pushes herself up before moving away from me.
“You don’t get to make those decisions, Cord. We’re only fucking, remember?” Standing up, she looks for her clothes before I grab her, yanking her back.
“Nice fucking try. You aren’t walking out of here yet. Not until we discuss this.” Her eyes are wild with fire. I love that spark I see in her. She has that piece of life that I’ve always wanted but was never able to grasp.
“Discuss what exactly? You said it yourself.” Trying to be defiant, I love it even more.
“Is that why you showed up here? Standing on my doorstep for almost thirty minutes trying to decide to knock or walk away?” When her eyes jerk to mine, I know I’m inching closer to a line that I shouldn’t be.
“You knew I was out there?” Cocking my head to the side, I watch her face.
“Do tell me why it is you ran to me with the information you had? Why not your little boyfriend, Daniel?” As her eyes widen, I let that sink in. I’m pushing her buttons to see how far she will go before she breaks.
“He isn’t my boyfriend. You know that. I feel safe with you, Cord, that’s why I came to you,” she says softly. Is that really her truth?
“You feel safe with a murderer? A little ironic don’t you think?” Push after push, I want her to break. I need to see it. I need to feel her crumble in my hands.
“You had your reasons for that. I don’t fault you.” Why won’t this girl understand that I’m bad for her? Why can’t she get it through her head that I’m ruining her, piece by fucking piece.
“Fault me? Would you fault me for killing a child?” Now I have her attention. Her eyes widen as she shakes her head.
“You wouldn’t do it. You’re not like that.” Her voice hitches. She doesn’t believe what’s coming out of her mouth right now. I pull away from her and stand before making my way to the closet. Pulling out a clean pair of pants and a button up shirt, I walk back into the room to find her getting dressed herself.
“You make me sick! I can’t believe you!” My laughter doesn’t go unnoticed. I may not have pulled the trigger, but I most certainly gave the order. Ava’s eyes linger on me as I pull my pants on before sliding my arms into my shirt. Buttoning up half, I leave the other half undone.
“You wanted to know. Don’t fault me, Ava.” I mock her. She moves in on me quickly, slamming into my chest. I laugh harder as she takes out her frustrations. Now she’s finally seeing the monster, the demon himself.
“What’s wrong, Ava? Does seeing the devil live and in the flesh scare you?” My mocking tone does little to ease the rage that’s filling her. She unleashes it on me. Blow after blow to the chest, she lets her anger out on me. Finally having enough, I grip her shoulders in my hands, shaking her slightly.
“Do you have any idea what you’re doing right now? Do you not understand the things you’re evoking in me!” With one last shake, I release her before walking out of the room.
I fucking need some space to breathe.
Chapter 24
Ava left in a world of her own after the things I said to her. I can’t blame her for that. That was the intent after all. I wanted her scared. I wanted her on edge. The sooner she realizes that I’m not the right man for her, the better off she’ll be. I’m pure evil without an ounce of good in me. Once again, she is heaven and I am hell. Although this time there is no in between. That thin line I walked for a long time has slowly faded away. There are no defining points anymore. There’s only darkness and all that lies within it. My world. My blackened soul. The remnants of a man that once held onto the light that his mother was in heaven.
I’ve only recently come to realize that my mother was no saint. She had to be as evil as my father to want to have children and be married to such an evil soul. My childhood dreams of her sweet voice whispering in the back of my mind have faded over the years. They’ve faded into a reality that I wasn’t ready to fully understand until now.
This whole world is corrupt and full of lies. In fact, we may be living in the equivalent of hell on earth.
Nothing is ever as clear as it should be. There’s always a fine film that coats the most beautiful things in life. Once that coat is stripped and the bare truth is revealed, life can never go back to the way it was. I never felt like I coated anything for anyone. I always thought what I did was as plain as the light of day. I wasn’t someone I pretended to be. I was the man I was destined to become, the man that was so cut off from emotions, but what was about to happen took my breath away.
“There’s a problem, Cord!” Jordy screams through my office before stopping in front of me. Breathless and with the hint of a tear in his eyes, I cock my head to study him. Jordy has taken his place at my side and became as ruthless as me, but something has him unsettled as he stands here now.
“What is it?” Jordy looks around, unsure of the words he needs to use to tell me. He’s never held back before, so why now? “Spit it the fuck out!” Growling, I begin to get antsy when Nikolai walks in.
“There’s a situation, Boss. Andre is dead,” Nikolai says in a hurry. Why is that a situation? Andre is replaceable after all.
“So replace him with Darren.” Looking back down at the paperwork in front of me, I ignore them.
“Something else, Nikolai?” My aggravation doesn’t go unnoticed.
“They took Amelia.” His words are like a slap to the face. How the hell did they get Amelia? I don’t have to ask the obvious question; I know it’s Gambino.
“What the fuck does he want, Nikolai?” Finally looking up, I notice the tears that streak Jordy’s face. He was closer to Amelia than I am. He still has feelings, unlike me.
“He wants to run New York.” The evil laughter that erupts out of me doesn’t shock anyone. They knew it was coming. It’s a little like an eye for eye type of thing. The only problem is; he won’t be taking Amelia as that eye.
“Set up a meeting to get her back. I won’t play into his little bargaining game.” Nikolai’s eyes widen before he nods. He knows me better than that. I watch him leave the room before I lower my head. Why did he have to make this personal?
Why did he have to take what belonged to me?
He’s only hurting himself in this situation. If he so much as touches her wrong, I will kill him. Anger races through my veins, not even the devil himself can keep me caged. This is a fucking war that I am ready for and I will make sure to tear this world apart.
“This is all wrong, Cord. She’s a kid.” Looking up at him, I shake my head.
“Thank you for stating the obvious, Jordy! I don’t think I need your shit on top of this.” Shoving out my chair, I head out of the office and towards the kitchen. I need a fucking drink to get my head straight. I need to plan and calculate my next move. As I pour myself a drink, the thought occurs to me. If Amelia was a target, then they know how much time Ava has been spending with her.
“Fuck!” Throwing the glass across the room, it shatters into a million pieces, much like my life is. “Nikolai! Get the car!” I let them get to Amelia. I fucked up on that one, but I won’t let them get to Ava too. Whether she likes it or not, she has become a target. A target that they will use against me to their advantage and I won’t sit back and watch that happen.