Hell is a hot place. When you are that heat, that fire, there is no escaping that hell. Days have passed without a word from Gambino. My chest remains tight as I think of what he could be doing to her. There’s almost a feeling of loss there.
“Any news?” Ava stands with her arms crossed over her chest, glaring at me from the doorway.
“No. Not a single fucking word.” Blowing out a breath, I run my hand through my hair. If something doesn’t come up soon, I have plans to bring an army down on the Gambino house.
“What do we do now?” What do we do? Such a sweet sentiment. We. There is no we. There’s only me and the darkness.
“I wait until I hear his demands. If I don’t hear anything by tonight, I move.” Ava shakes her head before moving closer to the chair that I’m sitting in.
“Why am I here? I understand you panicked but.” Is she questioning my judgement?
Shoving out of the chair quickly, I stand in front of her causing her to jolt.
“You are here because I say you are here. Don’t you ever question my judgement, and don’t you ever think I panicked! If anything I was thinking as clearly as I ever had when I came for you.” Snarling at her, she flinches back. I brush past her before she grabs my arm, stopping me.
“I’m sorry, Cord.” Shaking my head, I back up to look at her.
“Sorry is for quitters. Sorry is for the weak. You are neither of those things so don’t you ever say sorry to me again.” My voice stays low as I lean into her. Shit! My life spirals further and further out of control. “I didn’t panic. I knew that if they got to Amelia that they knew how much time you’d been spending with her. That in turn means you have been in my presence, Ava. I made the decision to move you to safety for your own good.” My words freeze her in place. She doesn’t know what to say to me.
My words cut her deeper than any knife possibly could. I ripped open her chest and ripped her beating heart free. I took every last shred of hope that littered her mind and threw it on the floor, stomping it into pieces.
I count the hours until the phone rings. Grabbing it, I answer knowing it’s him.
“What the hell was the game plan here, Gambino?” His laughter ignites the devil’s horns that threaten to rip their way through me.
“You know what I want. It was made clear, wasn’t it? You stop running guns and powder through New York. Turn it over to me.” Chuckling into the phone, he snaps. “Don’t you dare for a second think that I won’t take this kid out. I will use every resource I have to make you regret the day you started breathing.” Has he forgotten that that day has already come and gone?
“Do you honestly think I would give up that easily?” I ask with a growl. The silence on the other end tells me all I need to know.
“Take a look at the footage from the front porch of your house. The one I know you aren’t at right now.” Pushing the button for the speaker phone, I pull my security footage. A body lying there in a puddle of blood unmoving. My chest tightens. It’s as though all the blood has left my body.
“You just signed your death warrant.” Getting the words to actually form was harder than I thought it would be. I’ve just stepped into new territory, one I’m not familiar with. Hanging up the phone, I stand and rush towards the door screaming for Nikolai.
“Get the car! Get the goddamn car, Nikolai!” Rushing out the front door, I will drive that son of a bitch myself if I have to. In the matter of seconds, I’m making phone calls to have the house secured by the time we get there. My body is tense as Nikolai watches me. He has to know that something’s off. Anger and regret are two of my best friends, and I feel every bit of it right now. My whole reserve is threatening to crumble beneath my feet. My world is slowly slipping out of my grasp. If this is what it’s like to have feelings, I’m better off dead because that’s exactly what I feel inside. I feel dead. Nothing is making sense to me right now.
We pull up in front of the house and before the driver can even stop the car, I’m out and taking off through the gates. My heart hammers in my chest, threatening to overtake me. There. Right there, lying in a puddle of her own blood, was the one thing that I couldn’t fucking protect like I should have! Rage fills me. I will make Gambino pay for what he did to her tiny body.
“Jesus Christ.” I hear Nikolai but I can’t pull my eyes from her tiny body lying there. Dropping to my knees, I lift her lifeless body into my arms, not caring that her blood covers my skin.
“Cord, I don’t know what to say.” Nikolai is at a loss for words much the same as I am. I stand up with her tiny frame snuggled against my chest before walking towards the car. She didn’t deserve this. She didn’t deserve any of this and yet she took the brunt of it because of me, because of our father, our name, who we are.
“Let’s go.” My voice isn’t my own. This is the first time that I’ve lost sight of who I am. Sure, death has always been around me. Hell, I’ve taken lives with no regard to feelings or their family. But this, this is too much. She was an innocent. A child that knew nothing of this life. She was pure and I fucking tainted her. I ruined her. I caused this to happen to her. I climb into the limo and settle into the seat with her before leaning in and whispering to her.
“Ti amero sempre.”
The ride to the safe house is silent. There was only my stupidity running rampant through the car. How could I have been so stupid? How could I not have seen this coming? A soul has been taken far too early and at the hands of evil. At the hands of me.
“Call Nixon and have him set up the church. I want her buried next to my uncle.” Nikolai nods his head before sliding his phone out to make the calls. The gates open and we drive in. A somber feeling haunts the silence now.
Death can be sweet for those that are in pain. Death can be drawn out and painful. In my heart, I’d like to think that the lord had mercy on Amelia’s sweet soul and let her leave this world painlessly. The monster in me knows that isn’t the truth. The car comes to a stop and as the door opens. I catch a glimpse of Ava standing at the front door, hands covering her mouth as she waits. Piece by piece, my black heart crumbles to ash.
She will never forgive me for this. I won’t let her. I will be that constant reminder that she comes back into the arms of a monster, a demon sent straight from hell. As I climb out, my knees feel weak. My chest is heavy with grief. Ava’s screams could be heard from miles away. Carrying the small broken body of my sister, I walk slowly towards the porch where Ava cries. In all my years on this earth, I’ve never felt the kind of pain that I feel now. The emptiness that overtakes me is indescribable. I fall to my knees on the steps not able to bear it anymore. My head slowly travels down to look at the biggest mistake I’ve ever made. She’s gone and it’s her blood on my hands. What overwhelms me is something I can’t explain. I’ve never felt, but in this moment, I feel everything.
The weight of the world as it crushes my chest, the heartache that no one should ever have to feel. It’s all there, inside of me. Ava’s screams are drowned out by the laughter of the demons in my mind. They are laughing at what I’ve done, how I’ve messed up, the person I’ve become. That’s all they care about. The death. The destruction. The emptiness is where they thrive, and I allowed them to do so for so long. When I finally do look up at Ava, a new reality hits me. Her eyes are red and swollen with tears before she slides down and reaches for Amelia. I let her take her in her arms knowing that she’s always had a connection to her. A connection that doesn’t belong to me.