“She’s going to be fine. It’s a bout of pneumonia. She just needs antibiotics and bed rest. I imagine she was pushing herself too much which caused her to get very weak and faint. I’d like to keep her here for a couple of days before releasing her to go home. For now let her sleep until she wakes.”
Pneumonia? I didn’t even know she was that sick. Why didn’t she mention anything? She told me it was just a slight cough and cold from getting wet on the beach that day.
“Thank you, doctor.” He checks her chart and monitors before leaving.
Looking at her still form in the bed it could have been so much worse and she’d never know how I truly feel so I start speaking, needing to let it all out, I’ve been holding onto it for far too long.
“I don’t know if you can hear me but I’m sorry, Alannah. More than you will ever know, but I need to tell you something. I promise to have this conversation again with you when you’re awake but I can’t hold it in anymore. I haven’t been able to find a good time to tell you this and I’ve been afraid to open up. You may have thought I didn’t care or think about you all these years but I did. The truth is you were the only thing that kept me going.
“The biggest mistake and regret of my life was losing you and in turn Charlotte. I have wished a hundred times to be able to go back to that moment and do it differently. I love you, Alannah. I love our daughter more than I imagined it was possible to love another person.
“I would have been here a long time ago if it wasn’t for my accident. You wanted to know why it took me so long to come to you. I was hit by a fucking truck of all things.
“It’s was two years ago now but, I wanted to come to you sooner and I tried. The day I found out that my vasectomy had reversed itself and realised my colossal fuck up when it came to you I was devastated. I was going to find you and beg for your forgiveness but then I had an emergency at the London office. I tried everything to get out of not going but I had no other choice. I was going to fly there, sort it out quickly and come straight to you. After my last meeting I called your father. It didn’t go well as you can imagine. I was upset and drinking, I wasn’t thinking clearly and rushed out of the hotel building I was staying in. I wanted to get on a plane. I was on my way to you and our daughter, I was going to find you and come to you, but fate wasn’t on my side, I wasn’t watching where I was going and got run over.
“I stayed in London to hide, recover and have treatment. I was too proud to show any weakness to anybody. Only two people knew what happened to me, Rick and Wade. Rick kept the company going, I helped him whenever I could but I owe him so much that I could never fully repay him. I had to have surgery and rehabilitation therapy. I was in a wheelchair for a year. I didn’t know if I was ever going to walk again. I was scared, Alannah but at the same time refused to let you or anyone see me in that condition. I know I was foolish and selfish. Eventually I had to learn all over again how to use my body. I paid a whole lot of money to keep it out of the papers over there. My family don’t know, I’ve kept it hidden from them as well, they just assumed I didn’t want to come home and deal with everything.”
I place my head on the bed and close my eyes, gripping her hand even tighter after kissing her knuckles.
“You and Charlotte mean the world to me. You’re not ever getting rid of me. My life has been hell without you. You are my other half, my better half.”
London
I hate this waiting. Waiting to get home. Waiting to see and talk to Alannah. Waiting to meet my child. I have felt on edge the entire time I’ve been in this city. I am so ready to leave London behind. Would she be willing to listen to me if I just called to talk to her on the phone and explain myself? Except, I don’t have her number and no way to contact her.
I need to do something. This waiting is making me nuts. I need to start on fixing things. We’ve lost so much time already because of my stupidity.
I’m so desperate that I call her father hoping he still has the same phone number. If anyone knows where Alannah is it will be him. I’m not holding my breath that he won’t just hang up on me but I need to try.
“Hello.” His gruff voice comes on the line.
“Is this Dennis Stewart?”
“Yeah, who’s this?” I inhale and exhale before making myself known.
“This is Nicholas Moore.”
“What he fuck do you want?” He shouts, automatically becoming irate.
“I need to speak to Alannah. You have every right to hate me but I was hoping you could give me her phone number so I could contact her.” I’m sweating like a nervous teenager.
“Haven’t you done enough? No way. I take it you make a habit out of getting girls pregnant and abandoning them.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Dennis please, I need to speak to her, it’s important, I need to tell her I was wrong.”
“There is no way in hell I’m helping you, stay away from my daughter.” With that he hangs up on me.
Great!
I’ve spent the last hour drinking, staring at a blank wall in my hotel room, running through every mistake I have ever made in my life. I have no one. I now understand what it truly means to be alone. All this time I thought that was what I wanted, to be left alone but it’s not.
I can’t sit here anymore I need to get home. I’ll have one of my guys track her down by the time I get back. I get up and start packing my bag slightly swaying. I must have had more to drink than I realised. I notice the ticket stub from the drycleaner across the road on my bedside. Shit I forgot all about it. I need to go collect it, I still have time before they close. I could have just as easily left it with the hotel to launder but I pay them enough money as it is and I prefer to support small local businesses when I can.
I inform Wade we’re leaving and to get the pilot and plane ready as I leave the hotel, the alcohol is really setting in now and blurring my vision. I’m scrolling through my phone focused on the only photo I have kept of Alannah on my screen. I’m coming baby.
I don’t pay attention to where I’m stepping until I hear the high pitched sound of car horns blowing and the screech of tyres. I lift my head to see headlights coming straight for me. I have no time to react or move out of the way. The impact flings me at least ten metres away before I hit the pavement.
I land with the sound of bones breaking in my ears and people screaming.
“Mr Moore! NICHOLAS!”
Wade calling out my name is the last thing I hear before my world goes black.
I wake up in the hospital. Everything is fuzzy. What the hell happened? I try to sit myself up but can’t.
I attempt to look down at my body and notice the neck brace I have on preventing me doing so. I start to panic because I can’t move. In fact I cannot feel my legs at all. Oh my God I can’t move. No, no, no. This is not happening to me. NO! I scream out for a doctor.
One finally enters my room with a clipboard, wearing an ugly green coloured coat. He looks too young to even be a doctor.
“Mr Moore. Good to see you awake.”
“What’s wrong with me, why can’t I move?” I demand.