I am relieved and out of words so I say nothing. Just go back to the kitchen and start piling spaghetti into a large bowl while Donovan transfers marinara sauce and meatballs into another bowl.
He grabs some serving spoons, I grab the bread, and then we go outside.
And the minute I step into the pavilion it feels like the old days. Back before we knew she was sick. Back before that afternoon of her twentieth birthday when what we had was good, and innocent, and right.
But that’s wrong too.
Because nothing about this has ever been right.
We set everything on the table and eat.
But I’m not even here with them.
I’m back there.
On that day.
The day everything changed and nothing was ever the same again.
Indie was wearing a yellow party dress with a short fluffy skirt made of tulle or whatever you call that shit. That see-through gauzy fabric that always reminded me of ballerina outfits.
It was strapless and the bodice had little crystals woven into the lace around her breasts. Adam had it made for her. He always bought her a dress on her birthday.
This one was a little risqué for my tastes, but she was twenty. And a mother.
Twenty fucking years old. Finally. It felt like a milestone. Ten years we’d been taking care of this girl. Ten years she’d been running our lives. One decade. That’s something, right?
From the moment she stepped out of Adam’s truck to the moment she disappeared, everything at Old Home revolved around Indie Anna Accorsi.
I’m not gonna lie and say it was all good, because it wasn’t.
And I’m not gonna pretend any of it was easy, because it wasn’t.
But I would absolutely do it all again.
Nathan St. James came back into our lives that morning. He was home, I guess. Because one minute we were planning our day in the kitchen after breakfast and Maggie was dancing around like a little spinning top, very excited about something that involved a pony, and then there was a knock on the door.
All of us turned to peer towards the front of the house with curious looks. Who the hell was at our door?
We all went into the hallway, but Adam went ahead of us towards the foyer.
We could see him. The front door was open, so there was only a screen.
Nathan St. James. In the motherfucking flesh.
And then something really weird happened. Maggie said, “Nathan.” It was a distorted version of his name. Said the way only a small child could say it.
And the whole fucking place went quiet.
And then it went… unquiet.
Adam said, “What the fuck?”
And Donovan said, “Have you been talking to him this whole time?”
And I didn’t say shit. Because I could not find the right words.
Indie ignored all of that and just smiled. “Hello, Nathan. Come on in.”
Nathan had enough sense to not come in. Adam was standing at the door, blocking it.
But I had finally found my words. “Indie. Why is he here?” I said it in the calmest voice I could manage. But my heart was beating fast and furious. It was a jackhammer inside my chest. Fluttering and pounding so fast I couldn’t count the beats if I wanted to.
Indie looked at me like I was an idiot. “He’s her father, McKay. I told him he could see her today. He’s gonna bring her back tonight for cupcakes.”
“Yay!” Maggie was clapping her hands, jumping up and down like a little crazy person.
Donovan, and Adam, and I looked at each other like… Did you know about this?
And clearly, none of us had.
Indie gently nudged Adam out of the way of the door and opened it up. “Come in. I’ll get her dressed. Be right back.”
Then she picked Maggie up and took her upstairs.
Adam shot me one more look, then he and Donovan followed her up, leaving me alone with that little fucker from across the lake.
Did we have a say in this decision? I wasn’t sure. But I was sure that Indie didn’t seem to think we did, or she would not have pretended this wasn’t happening until it actually happened.
Nathan St. James was now a huge twenty-one-year-old man. I’m talking that boy must’ve been in the gym all day, every day for the past two years. That’s how big he was.
I was not small, either. Never have been. And I was certainly not afraid of throwing down with the fuckhead next door. But not while Maggie was here. And if Adam had wanted to get rid of Nathan with a fight, he would not have been upstairs trying to talk Indie out of… whatever the fuck this was.
Nathan and I both heard every word of what was happening up there.
Adam was saying, “What the hell? What the hell, Indie?”
Donovan was saying, “Are you out of your mind?”
Indie was saying, “Jesus Christ. It’s one day. Calm down.”
Maggie was saying, “I want to ride pony!”
Meanwhile, Nathan and I were just staring each other down like he was a Hatfield and I was a McCoy, which was not that far off the mark.
Finally, Nathan broke the ice. “Hey, McKay. How’s life been for ya?”
I morphed into some polite Southerner I did not even recognize. Because I replied, “Just fine, thank you. How about yourself?”
“Can’t complain much. But I hurt my knee in football last year and lost my scholarship. So I’m gonna sell the old place to cover tuition. That’s why I’m coming home this summer for break. I have to spruce it up a little before I put it on the market. The electrical is a big ol’ mess. I turned on the heater this morning, just to see if it was still working, and the damn thing caught fire.”
Again, I was out of sorts. Because I replied, “If you need any help with that, you let me know. I’m a fairly good electrician.”
He nodded his head at me. “Thanks. I’ll keep that in mind.”
But then I snapped out of it. “Where are you taking Maggie? Across the lake? To that fire trap?”
Nathan just… chuckled at me. “No. We’re going to the zoo in New Orleans. I can’t remember the last time I went to the zoo.”
Which spurred another pertinent comment from me. “When was the last time you saw Indie?”
He hesitated a little. I have often wondered if Nathan St. James understood who the girl next door really was. And it was during this short hesitation when I realized—he did. “She’s been coming to see me.”
“When?”
“The whole time, McKay. She would just show up at my dorm in Oxford out of the blue after Christmas that first year. And then I got a house with some of my football buddies and she’d show up there too. Even though I never told her I moved. I never asked her to come. But… McKay. You gotta know, I did love her. I’m sorry things… well, I’m sorry. That’s all. And I love Magnolia too—”
“Maggie,” I corrected him.
“Maggie. And then Indie started bringing her up to see me.”
“She did?”
“She did.”
“When?”
“I dunno. Every few months, I guess. Over the past year or so. And I knew I was gonna be back this summer to get the house ready for sale so… I took a chance and asked if I could spend a day with my daughter.”
“This day?”