I cradled the phone against my shoulder. I’d gone through the same shock when Adam was first deployed. Even though he was limited in his descriptions, to know that a loved one faced that kind of trauma broke your heart. “I understand. It’s horrific to hear…” She’d had a special moment with her son, and I didn’t want to impose. What Mason said to his mother in private was for her ears only. Was I jealous that he’d talked to his mom? No. Not in the least. The important thing was that he’d finally broken through the wall of silence. I’d been to enough support groups to know what she needed to hear so I plunged ahead.
“But I’m so glad he finally opened up to someone.” Even if it wasn’t me.
“The good news is, he’s agreed to get help. And with a professional. I think it’s going to bring real change.” I could hear the hopefulness in her voice. It made my heart sing that Mason was taking a chance and being vulnerable.
“Mrs. McKnight, you were right to press him to talk to someone.” Even though the McKnights weren’t my blood relations, there was this love growing inside of me for the whole group. I wanted to reach through the phone and squeeze her tight.
She drew in a shaky breath. “I’ve sent the therapist up to the cabin. She should get there before lunch today. I hope I haven’t pushed too hard.”
“Listen, Mason may be in a bad place, but he’s not going to break. He’s the strongest man I know.”
“Thank you, Sadie, for saying that. I think, with everything piling on him at work, it just got to be too much.”
“What’s happened with work?” I leaned forward.
“Oh, well, he was put on a leave of sorts after the fight. I tried to watch the video, but I couldn't bear to see him that way.”
“Me neither.” Rage rose up inside of me. I couldn’t help but feel responsible for this situation. I knew Camden had been a creep. I should have called him on his crap when he first touched my leg. But Mason had jumped in to rescue me, and now Camden had gotten Mason in trouble at work. That little slimeball. That was so not going to fly.
I hadn’t spoken to Camden since our date, choosing to get to class early and sit up front in the corner instead of in the back where he might think I was open to his flirting. Maybe I would have a talk with him. Today, Mama bear Sadie would come out. Mason had protected me, and now it was my turn to protect him.
Armed with a plan, I felt adrenaline begin to course through my veins with every beat of my heart. I was fired up. “Listen, I’m going to send you a link for a support group. It’s for the families of veterans, and they helped me a lot—even before Adam was KIA.”
“That would be amazing.”
“You need support, too. A mama’s heart is made up of the strongest and most tender material known to man.” My own heart ached for hers. I knew what it was like to be the wife of a soldier. But if my love for Parker was any indication of what Mrs. McKnight felt for Mason, her heart must be aching just as much for her son.
“Thank you so much. Sadie, you’ve been a godsend.”
I didn’t know about that, but it felt good to be on the same team as Mrs. McKnight; especially since our goals lined up so nicely. My alarm went off in my room. “I’m sorry to cut this short, but I need to get ready for class. And Parker is growing like a weed and needs me to help him pack his lunch.”
Mrs. McKnight chuckled. “I do miss his energy. Don’t be a stranger, now. Katie’s been missing him too.” She paused and then said, “I’m so proud of you for going back to school. It’s not easy with a child, but you’re doing great things.”
Tears welled up in my eyes. To have someone I respect and look up to say those things about me made me feel like I was glowing. We said goodbye, and I got ready fast and scooted Parker out to the car. I wanted to get to class with enough time to find Camden. I had a few choice words to say to him.
Chapter 19
Mason
With nothing but my thoughts and fish to keep me company for three days, I’d let myself go.
I hadn’t combed my hair, and my beard was coming in with a vengeance. I rubbed my hand across the itchy hair and wondered what Sadie would think of this version of me.
Version of me. To even think that, I would need to know who I was. Which I didn’t. I’d never felt so lost or confused in my life.
I couldn’t put on a uniform if I wanted to. All I’d managed was camo pants and my old Ranger shirt. Without a schedule, without a clock telling me where to be when, I was lost. I never thought I would have a midlife crisis, but I was proving myself wrong.
Working out? Way beyond me.
Taking a shower? Too much work.
Eating something other than sunflower seeds and Eddie Cheng’s Chinese that thankfully delivered way out here? You only live once.
I was tanking and I didn’t care.
Releasing so much emotion on the phone with Mom had drained me.
Tires crunched on the dirt road, and I lifted my head, my flight, fight, or freeze response triggered by someone invading my space. My muscles tensed as I peered over the back of my chair. It was only my training that kept me still, waiting for the next stimulus to dictate my actions.
The car stopped, and a woman climbed out. She flipped her long red hair over her shoulder and strode my way.
Heather.
I froze.
“Mason?” she asked from the bottom step. “Your mom said I could come by for a visit. I don’t know if you remember me. Heather?” She asked as she stepped forward with her hand outstretched.
“Right. Yeah. She mentioned something,” I mumbled as I sat up and ran my hand through my matted hair. There was no mistaking the woman and her flaming red hair. I’d seen her around enough to be able to steer clear. I wasn’t surprised to learn that she was a shrink. She had a way of looking at someone—looking into their soul—that didn’t sit right with me.
But that’s what this was all about—taking a good look inside.
“Can I come up there?”
I both appreciated and hated that she’d asked. Appreciated it because there were no surprises. Hated it because she was treating me like I was a live grenade. I guess I was in some ways.
“Sure.” I lifted a shoulder and did my best to appear as if my attention were on the fishing pole in front of me while I tracked her like a hawk.
She settled into the chair next to me and leaned back, not talking. I waited for my stress levels to go back down, and then I turned to look over the lake too. We had a great spot.
“Catch much?” Heather asked with her eyes closed.
I studied her, wondering what her angle was. But then I forced out the breath that I had been holding and told my nerves to relax. “Some. Not doing this for any particular outcome, though. Just for the stability that fishing brings.”
She cracked an eyelid and peered over at me. “You like stability?”
I snorted, thinking about all of the shrink-like things she was thinking now. She was using what I’d said as an explanation for my life. Like my words were a Rorschach test. So I went with the most aloof answer. “Doesn’t everyone?”
Heather pursed her lips and closed her eyes again. She tipped her face up toward the sky. “Not everyone.”