‘It wasn’t just you, Jake, it was me too – we have both played our part.’
He reached out towards her, put his arms around her. At first she froze. Then she realised that she wanted to feel safe there again. His strength, his bulk, his smell, they were as familiar to her as her own, however distraught she was, however angry. She didn’t want him to leave on a bad note. She allowed herself to relax into his embrace, and for a moment as she lay her head on his shoulder, she remembered what it had been like when they had really been in love.
‘Ana, you are not going to work today. Call in sick. I am going to come and pick you up in ten minutes and we are going to go and find Dixie and sort all this out. I cannot let it carry on.’
‘Hi, Stella, just so you know, I actually tried to call you both last night, but neither of you answered. But of course, you can take the credit for being the one to sort it all out if you want to.’
‘Ana, that’s really not relevant right now. Enough with being complete bitches to each other. We need to find Dixie. I think we can both guess where she is.’
‘Oh god, all right. But don’t think I’m just going to forget about the things you said… This stress and anxiety is bad for my “maybe baby” situation. But any excuse to be away from Rex sounds good.’
‘Good, I’m on my way. Make me a coffee for the road… pllleeaasseee.’
‘Meet me at The Elm on the corner.’
‘Good. Better.’
After a relatively painless chain of traffic lights and tailbacks, Ana jumped into the car, and handed her a cup marked HAG. Stella smiled as Ana studiously ignored her.
‘Do we even know if she is there, or is it just a stab in the dark?’ asked Ana.
‘Her phone is off, but I can’t think of where else she would run when the shit hits the fan. Usually I would expect to find her passed out in my spare room with an empty bottle, but she is definitely not there.’
There was a moment’s silence, before Ana said with a sigh, ‘I am NOT going to forget about what happened in New York. But I mean, there’s no real need to discuss the details over and over, is there? I mean, things were said… Perhaps we should leave it at that.’
Stella gave Ana the side eye. ‘I agree. Life is complicated. I love you girls more than anything. I wouldn’t know what to do without you. Frenemies?’
‘Frenemies,’ laughed Ana, giving her a friendly nudge. ‘Detailed and specific apologies would only serve to open old wounds.’
‘We probably all know each other better than we know ourselves. That can be dangerous. Careless truths can hurt.’
She allowed herself to drift off as she tailgated onto the M4.
‘Want to tell me about Country Boy? The details I mean. Girth and game?’
Stella glanced over and saw that Ana was crimson.
‘Wow. That good.’
‘You have no fucking idea, Stella… Whoever he’s been training with has taught that boy more than a thing or two. I get wet just thinking about it. It was so…’
‘Romantic?’
‘Long!’ she spluttered. ‘And hard. Sooo hard. You know they talk about a throbbing penis? Well, this one was pulsing. Like a freaking lighthouse. But it’s done, that was it, it’s over. I might be having Rex’s baby and that needs to be my focus. Now, talk to me about Dixie, what’s our plan? I don’t need to tell you that Freddie’s wife being alive is like emotional horror porn for her. I’ve been really worried that she might do something stupid. You know, given her history.’
They were both silent.
‘I’m just hoping she’s run back to her great aunt Pearl. She’s been so much cleaner. She was enjoying a new life. If she’s not there, I really don’t know. Whenever she doesn’t know where to go, she runs there. It is where she feels safe, and she thinks no one can find her. Except us, of course.’
Stella turned on the radio to distract them from the rather dark turn their thoughts had taken.
Her phone rang shrilly through the car speakers. It was Freddie for the umpteenth time since they had landed the night before.
‘Shit,’ said Stella. ‘I’m going to have to block him. He won’t stop bloody ringing!’
‘Maybe we should answer it,’ said Ana. ‘The man must be frantic to find Dixie. We could tell him where we are going—’
‘And completely betray Dixie’s trust? She would kill us!’
Ana pressed the answer button, and Stella glared.
‘What the hell are you doing?’
‘Freddie, hi, it’s Ana and Stella.’
‘Oh thank god you answered. What’s going on? Where is she? I have to find her. I have to talk to her. Please!’
‘Whoa, Freddie. Calm down. We don’t know yet. We’re looking for her too,’ said Ana as Stella shook her head vehemently.
‘Don’t,’ hissed Stella.
‘You mean you don’t know where she is? I thought she would be with you!’
‘You know Dixie. This will have shaken her to the core, Freddie. You lied about your wife. She thinks that everything she believed in was a lie. She allowed herself to love you and you betrayed her.’
‘But I need to explain!’ shouted Freddie. ‘Please, I love her. I never lied to her.’
‘Bullshit, Freddie,’ spat Stella, a lot angrier than Ana, and annoyed by Ana’s cutesy niceness. ‘You told her your wife was dead, but she’s alive – seems pretty black and white to me. What else is there to discuss?’
‘She is alive. But not really. She’s in a coma. Has been for eighteen months. And she is not my wife, hasn’t been for a while. The courts granted us a divorce due to the situation. Meeting Dixie has given me the courage to take off my wedding ring and look to the future. It’s complicated. I didn’t want to involve her in it. She didn’t seem to want to know details so I left out the details. I see now that I was wrong. I should have been clearer, but… I fell so totally in love with her. I didn’t want to scare her off!’
Ana and Stella sat in silence for a few moments. He sounded like he was telling the truth.
‘Well, you still lied to her,’ said Stella, refusing to let him off the hook that easily.
‘Not deliberately. Look, I just want to find her, explain everything to her. Please, let me do that. I love her. I really do.’
‘If we find her, we’ll let you know, Freddie,’ said Ana, ‘and I am so sorry about your wife. It sounds awful.’
Stella made a face at Ana, not quite as convinced that they should be being so nice to him. After all, he was still the enemy so she quickly added, ‘If she wants us to let you know where she is, Freddie. This is her life, her call,’ and she hung up. She wanted him to know who had the upper hand.
‘God, that sounds hideous,’ said Ana, as she scraped her still-damp brown hair back into a slick ponytail. ‘Imagine your wife being kept alive by machines, that poor man! How do you carry on with your life? Imagine if it was Jake.’
Stella flinched at the thought; maybe there was some hope for them after all.
‘Look, we don’t even know if it’s true,’ said Stella. ‘Can we really trust him?’