Instead, I sucked it up.
I walked into my room and came to a halt when I looked at the bed and rumpled sheets. Emotions clogged my throat. The sadness that rocked through me filled me with an immediate heartbreak I wasn't prepared for. My heart actually felt like it was being ripped down the middle.
This was the last place Kova and I had been right after he'd found out about the pregnancy.
I could still feel his strong arms around me, smell his cinnamon and tobacco scent in the air when he told me how he felt about me being pregnant. How he asked me to tell him that I loved him, and I wouldn't. I should have. I wished I had. He was my light when my world had been so dark, and now he was gone before I could really tell him how I felt. He deserved to know, and if we ever got the chance to be alone again, I'd tell him.
Thick tears brimmed my eyes, but I pushed them back. Everything was still so raw. I didn't want to cry in front of Dad because that would open the door for questions he couldn't handle the answers to.
"I don't agree with this," Dad said as he came up behind me. I swallowed thickly before turning around to face him. "In fact, I don't like it at all. I'd rather you come home so I can watch over you closely."
I had thought Dad agreeing to let me return to my condo was a sick joke until we’d pulled into Coral Cove.
Dad placed a hand on my shoulder and I had the strong urge to lean into him. Instead, I bit my lip and drew in a breath through my nose. I was so angry at him for having Kova arrested and letting me think it was for something other than assault. He still hadn’t come clean, and he’d said Kova was still in jail. Was that another lie?
"I don't want to ruin your gymnastics career," Dad continued, his voice ragged with guilt. "I don't want to be the one who took that from you." His jaw locked tight. "Your safety is my main priority, and that was jeopardized by someone I put faith and trust in to watch over you."
I waited for him to collect his thoughts. He was never going to believe that I’d played a huge part in mine and Kova’s relationship. I had so much I wanted to say but felt I should stay quiet.
"This was an extremely difficult decision to make, and not one I'm entirely sure is a good idea. I don't want to lose you, Adrianna. You're my only daughter. I just want what's best for you, but this whole thing has sickened me and brought me to a point I can't seem to come back from. I'll never forgive Konstantin for what he did." I opened my mouth to speak but Dad put his hand up to stop me. "Regardless of what happened or how you feel, he knew better." He gave me a pointed look. "You don't love him, Adrianna. You're infatuated with him because he's been to the Olympics and has the connections to get you there. That's all it is. He played on that."
My jaw dropped and my eyes widened.
"Are you suggesting I slept with my coach to move up higher in rank?" My brows creased when he didn't answer me. "That's insane to even fathom, not to mention literally impossible. You can't fake it to make it in sports. You can’t sleep your way up the chain, especially in the Olympics. In your world of business and money, yes, but not in mine."
He shook his head, disappointment weighed heavily in his eyes.
"You don't love him," he repeated, and I wondered who he was trying to convince more.
My shoulders dropped. I wanted to argue with him and tell him I did love Kova, but I'd already told him a few times and got nowhere.
"You're going to be watched. Your phone will be monitored. Your truck now has a tracking device. If you so much as even try to contact Konstantin, or go somewhere other than the gym or the doctor’s office, I'll know. Your condo was scoured and cleaned, and that pregnancy test you saved was thrown away."
I swallowed hard. I'd forgotten about that.
Dad shook his head, his eyes becoming glossy. "I trusted you." His voice was a broken whisper and it cracked something in my chest. "I put all my cards on you, defending you, insisting you were mature for your age when others said I was irresponsible to allow you to live alone. I'm furious you put yourself in the situation that you did. I raised you better than that. You let me down."
I winced at his blunt words. All I seemed to do was mess up everything for everyone and that truth fed my guilty side.
"Maybe it's my fault for asking him to watch you like I did," he whispered, talking more to himself than to me. "Maybe I brought it on or just made it worse."
Dad was gutted far worse than I understood. I felt like the situation was amplified by ten for him. The way he looked at me crushed me. His eyes were guarded, and there were blue tinted sacks under them.
"Thank you for giving me this last chance," I said.
His eyes bore into mine. "Don’t thank me, thank Sophia. The only positive that came from this is I now know what Joy had on you." He was quiet, like he was deep in thought. "It all makes sense, and I know how to handle her now."
"She couldn't have known about the pregnancy, but I guarantee she knew about the affair." I swallowed, then said, "I'd prefer if you didn't talk to anyone about the miscarriage."
"I wasn’t planning on it."
His eyes roamed around my room, not really looking for anything, it was more like he was trying to process it all. Dad cleared his throat and I looked away. I couldn't handle seeing the disappointment in his eyes. "Come to the kitchen. Sophia went shopping."
My brows shot up. Sophia was really trying.
Holding my stomach, I followed Dad into the kitchen and found Sophia waiting for us. She bit her lip then shot Dad a nervous glance before looking back at me. "I wasn't sure what you needed or could eat, so we got a few basics for you. I also set up your medications and got you a few feminine products that I placed in your bathroom," she said. I assumed she meant pads and such because of the bleeding. I hadn’t even thought of that. I was really thankful she had.
I nodded subtly. "Thank you, Sophia. I really appreciate it."
"Figured you could use some stuff. I didn't think you'd want to drive anywhere."
She was right, I didn't.
Dad turned toward me. "I have to go back to Savannah tonight, but Sophia lives off the highway just two exits from here. She wants to be here, so if you need anything, don’t hesitate to reach out to her." He blinked. "It goes without saying you're not to have any contact with Konstantin once I leave. None whatsoever. Do you understand me?" I nodded, my lips flat. How did he expect me to train without my coach? I decided I'd leave it for another night.
Leaning toward me, Dad pressed a kiss to the top of my head and gave me a brief hug. He pulled back and looked into my eyes for a long moment. I wished he'd stop looking at me like I'd failed him beyond repair, like there was no coming back from this.
He exhaled a heavy breath before heading to the door and stepping out, leaving me alone with Sophia. She rounded the kitchen counter and stopped in front of me.
"Anything you need, Adrianna, please just call me." There wasn't an ounce of pity in her eyes. "Even if you just want to vent or cry or have girl questions your dad can't answer. I left my number for you."
I nodded as stupid tears climbed to my eyes again. Joy had never been that authentic with me, like she really wanted to be there and help me at the drop of a hat.