Kova snorted under his breath and backed away from the bed. He dragged his hands down his beautifully tormented face as he turned and gave me his back. My body instantly missed his warmth as he walked over to the round table in his room.
I climbed off the bed and stalked after him. He glanced at me and his expression shifted into a multitude of emotions. Right versus wrong. Want versus need. Sin and morals conflicted in the storm clouds of his eyes, and my brows furrowed. I didn’t like what I saw.
Kova reached for his glass and downed the rest of its contents. I watched his throat work the clear liquid, the slender muscles and veins contracting with each pull. The ice clinked together and Kova all but threw the glass back on the table.
"I'm right, aren't I? You did ignore me like a stranger." When he didn't answer, I pushed my next question through my teeth. "How do you manage to do a complete one-eighty in the span of a couple of hours? How do we go from being this close"—I crossed my middle finger over my index finger—"to this?" I separated my fingers into a peace sign. "Explain to me why you decided to put space between us, because that's what you did when you started this whole 'let us ignore Adrianna now that Olympics are over' campaign three point five seconds after it ended," I said, mocking his English. "You acted like you didn’t even know me."
I was getting myself worked up and I didn't want that. I wanted to remain in control of my emotions. Being this close to him yet feeling so far away completely blindsided me. I took a deep breath. Kova had ignored me, causing my past insecurities I’d fought so hard to ignore to come roaring back in full force. And he was lying about it.
"I did not ignore you, Adrianna," he said a little stilted.
I gawked. "Yes, you did. I don't understand why you acted like I was invisible when you suggested I come here to talk. Even now, I can see the look in your eyes when you look at me. You're not as impenetrable as you think you are. I see right through you, Kova."
Kova scowled, his gaze narrowing. "You do realize your father was in that room, yes?" He stepped closer and I felt his hot breath on my face. "You do realize that I went to jail because of us, yes?" I nodded, and he continued. "Then answer me this, why the hell would I put myself in jeopardy like that again, on top of being in another country? You cannot be serious right now, Adrianna. We had a role to play. I played mine and you did too. The Games are over. That is it."
Thirty-Nine
He was glaring at me.
I felt his words, but I didn't feel like they were coming from him. He wanted me to believe they were his, though.
It was disheartening the way he was acting toward me after our Olympic win. It wasn't an idiotic thing of me to ask him. We didn't pretend out there, there were no roles. My medals were just as much his as they were mine.
Tears climbed up the back of my eyes. I wish I didn't get so emotional. I shook my head and walked away for a second then turned back around to face him.
"If you're so worried about my father, then why did you want me to come tonight? Was it so you could tell me we're officially done working together and you have to act like you don't know me now? Is that the point you’re trying to make? Because guess what, Coach, I fucking got it."
His eyes blazed with fire. Still, he didn't say anything.
"You've been sending me mixed signals since you got out of jail. At first, I understood. Trials came and you showed me a glimpse of the old Kova. I thought everything was okay, but really you were just giving me this false sense of hope for us. You act like you don't know me and make me think you’ve changed your mind about us. Then in the next minute you rip me into your room and kiss me until you steal my breath and then feed me lies. You're back to being this cold, distant man that seems to want no part of me." I pause, my jaw quivering from the tears I was holding back. "Can't you see what this does to me?"
Kova cast his eyes away. He lifted his backwards hat and ran his fingers through his hair before he replaced it. I poured out my feelings to him and he didn't even do a double take.
"Nothing has changed, Adrianna."
"You're such a liar." Kova didn't flinch. He didn't even respond, and that told me everything I needed to know. My heart pumped faster. "Kova, you're scaring me. What's going on?"
Again, no response. He just looked down and avoided my gaze. My pulse rate increased. That bridge we’d worked so hard to build was collapsing plank after plank.
"I shouldn't have come here. This was a mistake—" My heart clenched at the word. I looked at the floor and frowned. "This was a giant mistake. Everything was a mistake. I can't do this anymore." I started to feel a little frantic.
I stepped around Kova and headed for the door.
"Stay," he finally said.
I stopped immediately, wishing I was stronger when it came to him. I turned around and met his stare. He looked defeated.
"What am I doing here, Kova?" The last thing I wanted to do was fight, but I couldn’t keep it in. It wasn't healthy for me or us.
I wanted to be able to talk about the past, the present, and the future with him tonight since tonight was all we had for a little while. We didn't have to sign anything in blood, but we could at least talk a little bit so there wasn't a total break in our chain.
Feeling dejected, I asked, "Help me understand what is going on. I know we haven't seen each other in about a month, but the last two days you were my supportive coach and it made me think we were okay. But now with this feeling in my heart, it's like I don’t even know you."
"I was your coach because that is who I am supposed to be. I did what I had to do to help you get to the finish line. I was doing my job. I did not want to ruin your moment."
I frowned, not liking the bite in his tone. I moved closer to him. I studied Kova, but his eyes gave nothing away.
"So, you faked it? All those encouraging words, going as far as 'living with me,' they were just part of your job description?"
Kova ran his hands over his face and groaned. "No, I meant them, Adrianna, but I wish I did not."
I blinked rapidly. "How could you say that?”
He placed his hands on his hips and stared up at the ceiling for a brief moment. "I got arrested and almost charged with rape," he said after expelling a long sigh.
"I'm eighteen. It wouldn't have happened."
"Katja is still on my case. Your father… " He paused, and his eyes lowered to slits. "He still has the option to proceed with charges. There is a lot to be settled and it is far from finished. It is not so easy like you think to just jump right back to what we were."
"I knew it," I whispered, my voice hoarse. "I knew it," I said again with more conviction. Kova straightened his back and leveled a stare at me that fanned black smoke around my heart. "Keep going."
Kova’s gaze hardened. His lips pursed together. There were a lot of things I’d mentally prepared for on my journey to the Olympics; however, never had I anticipated the next words to fall from Kova’s beautiful lips.
"Adrianna, we cannot go on like this. I think it is best if we do not see each other until everything settles."