I reared back. The silence in the room was earsplitting. "You want time?"
He looked me in the eyes and flattened his lips in response.
My heart sank.
How could he think after something as catastrophic as what we went through that more time away from each other would benefit us? Time would ruin us. People didn't separate when things got tough. They came together and worked through their issues as a team. Their bond was unified with each challenging moment, not split down the center because there was a breach.
We are a team—I exhale, you inhale.
I had been so ridiculous.
My blood ran cold and my throat swelled. Kova had been putting distance between us. What I felt wasn't due to paranoia. It wasn't in my head. It was real. Really fucking real, and what he wanted.
I stared at him, unblinking.
My world crumpled before me.
My heart stopped beating.
All those things he had said to me that day in my condo, how he was going to leave Katja to be with me, how he wanted to live with me and my stupid fucking disease, he took it all back in the blink of an eye. All those miles we had crossed together to get where we were, they were swept away like it never happened.
Angry tears brimmed my eyelids. Kova's gaze softened and he took a step toward me. My hand flew to my chest and I clutched my throat. My brain was telling my body to breathe, but I was stuck in a state of panic. I couldn't focus enough to breathe.
He had sworn he wouldn’t hurt me again. He’d promised. Yet, he did.
Then it hit me.
This was why he’d wanted me to come to his room.
He wanted to break up with me.
I leaned toward him, my heart beating frantically. His gaze didn't waver from mine. He didn't back down. He didn't say anything either. Kova was slipping away. I looked at him with resentment that he wasn't fighting harder to be with me like I would for him. I wanted to let go of him completely and still reach for him because I couldn't not.
"Time. You want time?" I stated again, fighting the tears. "I literally don't have the time to give you. Do you understand that? I don't have all the time in the world like you do. I'm sick, Kova. I only have now." Jesus. The look on his face matched the gutted feeling inside my heart.
His shoulders sagged and he dropped his hands from his hips in defeat. He didn't want time and yet he told me he did. I shook my head. This back and forth wasn't something I was going to continue doing. I didn't have it in me. He could either have me now or he couldn't. I was only going to get sicker, not better. I didn’t have the kind of time he wanted.
I stood straight and exhaled a ragged breath. I didn't want to be hurt anymore. I didn't want anyone to make me hurt anymore. And that started with my choices.
I shook my head and took a step back. "It's now or never with me."
"Ria," he said, his face fell. "Please…"
I put my hand up. "Don't. I know our relationship isn't normal. I’m aware of the major issues surrounding us, but that doesn't mean you can push me away because of them." My voice shook. "I know what my dad put you through and it disgusts me you had to go through that. I'm not being unsympathetic toward you or the legal issues you're facing, but was I stupid to think we'd work through what happened? I guess so," I said, more to myself than to him.
I clenched my eyes shut, regretting that I’d snuck out. When I opened them, Kova was standing in front of me looking utterly destroyed. The miserable look in his green eyes made my heart twist with grief. He was hurting as much as I was, yet he was the one who was causing our pain. I didn't understand why he'd do this to us when it devastated him just as much as it did me.
"That is not what I am saying, but I think we need to wait for this storm to weaken before we can be anything more."
"That's not what you told me in my condo that day when you said we could be together because you had a plan. Even before that, you knew it was eventually bound to happen." I felt like I was going to shoot steam from my ears any second. "You can't look me in the face and tell me you didn't anticipate any of this. What happened for you to change your mind? I know you were arrested, but I'm eighteen now. No one can stop us."
There was so much more I wanted to add, but I stopped when I felt tears streaking my cheeks. There would always be people who wouldn’t approve of us, but I never once thought that us not being together was an option. I always put him—us—first, and I thought he would too at this point.
My spine bowed, and I looked at him helplessly. "Why can't you ever put me first?"
"Adrianna, you know my feelings for you, but I have to keep your father in the back of my head. When I got out of jail, we had a meeting." I squinted at him, stunned over this news. Dad never told me about this. "Frank threatened to ruin me if I went near you beyond being your coach. He knew he did not have a leg to stand on legally, but he said he would go to the media and claim that I sexually abuse my gymnasts, and he would provide proof for people to dig deeper. He said he would release pictures of us but blur your face to protect you. He said he has connections and will make sure the story goes worldwide. I have worked with your father in the past, I do not doubt him."
I stared up at him, dumbfounded. My eyes widened and I took a step closer, angling my head to make sure I heard him correctly.
"You're scared of my dad and his empty threat? He'd never do that because it would implicate me, not in a million years, no matter how mad he is." I stared at him. "So quick to believe him," I whispered in shock. "You bought his lie. You made it your out."
Kova widened his stance. His brows lowered and his gaze turned defensive. "Everything I have worked for since I came to the United States will be taken away if we continue a romantic relationship. How would we work out if I have no gym? No name? Nothing? How could I support you, support us? I cannot make mistakes right now." The color drained from his face. "He can ruin me and you, and that is not something I am chancing."
I ground my teeth. I was frustrated because I knew my dad was using this as a scare tactic and Kova was buying it. He edged closer to me and I stayed exactly where I was.
"I have to walk a straight line and I have to do it for us. You think I want to leave you? You think I do not care about you? My fucking heart beats only for you, Adrianna. It kills me inside. I want to ram my fist through a wall over and over because of this shit we have to go through. I am trying to do what is right. Whether you like it or not, the right thing is time. Are you not sick of living in this fantasy we have created? Do you not want the real thing? I do. And I will do everything I can in my power to make that happen for us."
"I’m not trying to be dramatic, but you don't seem to comprehend that I don't have that kind of time. I was supposed to go home and start treatment. What if the dialysis doesn’t work, or I have the transplant and my body rejects the kidney? I know these are slim possibilities, but that's how my life is at the moment and how I have to think now. I can't wait around for you because that's not fair to me. If we're careful, we could have now, you just don't want to."
My heart was about to jump out of my chest. I was going to be sick any second.