"I would give everything up for you because you are mine and I am yours and that is all that matters. We will always be each other's. No one can change that."
I leaned in closer and Kova sucked in a breath. He stepped back but I reached out swiftly and clenched the center of his shirt. I yanked him toward me and we fell back onto the bed with my legs tangled with his. I held my breath praying he wouldn't move.
He cupped my cheek and my jaw in his palms. There was a sudden tenderness in his touch. Kova looked at me. "I hate that I hurt you, and I hate that you miscarried our child. It sickens me. I hate that your father will always be between us. He will not accept us, and you cannot decide between the two of us either. A good man would have never put you in this position. I try to do the right thing, but all it ever does is backfire. You get angry and try to inflict pain on me. I bite back because I like when you push me and fight me. But this is too much for one couple."
Beads of sweat pebbled his forehead. Kova was breathing heavily, and I could feel the heat radiating from his body. I leaned up on one elbow and Kova stayed where he was on me. I took pleasure in the weight of his body on mine.
"I am better off alone." Kova lowered his voice; his distraught eyes searched mine. "And so are you. But that can never be now, can it?"
My lips parted as his words slammed into me. I let out a small whimper then flattened my lips between my teeth.
Kova stood up and reached for me, but I moved out of the way and got off the bed myself.
"Ria—"
"I'm leaving." I walked around him, but Kova was quick.
He grabbed me, his fingers pressing into my skin. I wrestled him and felt this burst of angry energy explode through me. Kova was so much stronger than I was, and I took satisfaction in the knowledge I could use as much strength as I wanted and I wouldn't hurt him. Not unless I had a knife, which I didn't.
Kova grabbed my wrists and tried to pin them behind my back. When that failed, he spun me around so my back was pressed to his chest and he had both of my arms crisscrossed in front of me. I tried to squirm away, but he held me secured. I wished I didn't like how he held me to him.
"Let go of me."
Kova ignored me. I was no match for his strength, but still, I tried.
"Let go, Kova."
A grunt escaped my throat as the frustration mounted inside of me.
"If you don’t want to be with me now, you can't have any of me later." My heart broke saying those words. "Let. Go."
Kova held me tighter. I found it therapeutic trying to fight him. It released something inside of me. My head fell back against his chest and I let out a little whimper. His face dipped down and his nose brushed my neck. His warm body enveloped me, and I stupidly relished in it. Tears filled my eyes and my body relaxed enough so Kova could let go of my wrists and bring his arms up to hug me. He embraced me with warmth and love.
"Kova."
He pressed a soft kiss under my jaw. "I love you, Adrianna."
I broke down, unable to handle a second more. "I know we're no good for each other," I whispered, admitting the truth. I leaned back into him as a tear slipped down my temple. "I know we'll never be good for each other, but that doesn't stop me from wanting to be with you."
I felt Kova shake his head. His lips brushed tenderly over my skin.
"I cannot let you go, just like you cannot let me go," he said.
The truth was like gravel on my raw heart.
Forty-One
"Why is this happening to us?"
Kova lowered his hips to the bed and took me with him. He turned me sideways to face him. I sat on his lap with my knees pressed together and my legs hanging over his. He kissed my temple and hugged me close. I missed the feel of his arms and nestled closer. I fit like a puzzle piece against him. I could stay here for hours if he'd let me.
"All I know is that I am tired of hurting you. I will do anything to see you live a happy life. You must believe that."
I shook my head. I couldn’t look at Kova just yet. What he said wasn’t wrong, I just didn’t agree with it. When there’s a will, there’s a way. Gymnastics had taught me if I wanted something bad enough, then I had to put the work in to get it. And that’s how I felt about us. I was willing to do what it took. I wished he'd fight for us the same way.
"Don't you understand that time is not on my side right now? Nothing hurts more than you leaving."
Kova cupped my cheek and I finally looked at him. The anxiety encasing my chest intensified. He leaned down and kissed my tears away as they fell in rivers. I wound my arms around his shoulders and threaded my fingers through his hair. I closed my eyes as I inhaled him into me. My heart felt like it was shattering into a million tiny pieces. I was afraid to let go, afraid we wouldn't ever have this again.
Kova was my everything.
"I have thought about you nonstop since that day. I drove myself crazy when you were in the hospital and I could not be there with you." He pulled back and paused like he was struggling for words. His fingers skimmed over the hem of my shorts. "I have never felt more powerless than I did in that moment. All I felt was rage, and it resulted in a few fights while I was waiting to be released. It was part of the reason I was not released when I should have been. You mean everything to me. I resent myself every second of my life after seeing what you went through. You deserve better."
I shook my head frantically. "I'm so sick of everyone telling me what's best for me. I don't need you, my father, or anyone for that matter to make decisions for me. Let me make them, and if I'm wrong, I want to experience that for myself too. I'm the one who gets to decide what to do with my life and who I want in my life. And what I want is you, Kova. I just want you in my life."
Kova exhaled a heavy breath as his gaze bore into mine. His back bowed. He was struggling again. I could feel him wavering beneath my touch. Tipping my jaw up, I parted my lips toward his and lowered my eyes. I peered at him through my lashes. He exhaled through his nose and his chest heaved into me. Kova dropped his gaze to my mouth. I drew in a soft gasp as he leaned toward me, his tongue delicately tracing over my lips. Without hesitation, he slipped inside and stroked across my mouth in a deep kiss. Our lips fused together, and that was all it took for my body to come alive. Heat exploded around us. Flashes of desire tingled down my skin. My back arched and I moaned.
I straddled him without breaking our kiss. Kova's hands were on my hips in seconds, his palms cupping my butt as he guided me over him. Our bodies met and everything locked into place. My arms tightened around his shoulders and Kova deepened the kiss. He embraced me, clutching me desperately.
My thighs clenched around his waist and I felt his hardness press between us. It wasn't about that, though. We had something everyone dreamed of having one day, chemistry between two people that only increased the passion each and every time they were together.
Kova broke the kiss, panting heavily against me. "This does not have to be difficult. I am trying to do what is best for you, Adrianna." He paused. "Fuck," he said through gritted teeth. "I’m trying to do what is best for us."
I looked deep into his eyes. They were brimming with raw emotion. I wanted him to give into me the way I was giving into him.