“What does it feel like?” Jude asks.
“I’m sure your fiancé here could show you, “Gen teases.
I laugh, but Jude only offers a soft chuckle, causing a ripple of desire to swirl through me. “It feels good,” I answer. “Really good. Physically, it feels like every nerve ending in your body is stimulated at the same time. It’s incredible. It’s so intimate to give that part of your body to someone to put their mouth on. It makes me feel vulnerable and desired.”
“Fuck,” Jude whispers before he clears his throat. He slams back his drink. “Want to dance some more?”
“Sure.”
I stand and walk off with Jude while the guys lift their glasses to me in a toast. Apparently, I wasn’t the only one who picked up on Jude’s questioning.
By the time we make it home, I swear I’ll blink and the sun will be poking through the night sky. We shuffle into the kitchen for our usual ibuprofen and water ritual before bed.
Jude hugs me and kisses my cheek. “I had so much fun tonight.”
“Me too.”
He grabs me around the waist, and we do a little improv salsa dancing in the kitchen, me laughing as he twirls me around, then dips me low.
“We should invite the guys from the shop to party with us next time,” he says as he pulls me upright again.
My eyes widen. “You want to mix business and pleasure?”
Jude laughs. “Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad. They’re good people, and I’m learning to have some fun. Find a little balance in my life.” His eyes soften. “Thanks to you.”
“You mean thanks to this crazy setup and my wild friends at the bakery. I wasn’t exactly a party animal before.”
“But you’re having fun too, right?”
“A blast.”
“Cool. Want to go to bed?”
For just a second my brain registers the question wrong. He meant separately. Alone. Like we always do.
“Yeah. It’s late.”
“Or early depending on how you look at it. We might not make it to brunch tomorrow and sleep straight through to lunch.”
“That sounds nice.”
“Yeah.”
Down the hall, we go our separate ways, our glances lingering before disappearing into our bedrooms. I strip down and climb between cool sheets. My dick is hard and every nerve ending in my body is crying out for touch. I move my hand in that direction but stop suddenly.
“Bri?” Jude’s voice comes with a small knock on the partially open door.
“Yeah?”
“Can I come in?”
“Of course.”
He enters the room and, surprisingly, slides into bed with me. I twist around so I can look at him. He looks nervous. Uneasy.
“What’s wrong, Jude?”
His eyes move up to mine. “I was wondering if I could just hold you.”
My eyes widen. “What?”
“Can I hold you?”
“Why?”
“I want to. I don’t want to sleep alone tonight. I want to be with you.”
When I don’t say anything, he continues. “Please, Bri?”
“Yeah. Sure.”
He exhales, letting a soft smile grace his lips. I twist back around and spoon into him, my back pressed to his chest. Jude wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me until his face is buried in the crook of my neck, but he manages to keep space between his dick and my ass.
“Mm,” Jude murmurs. “You smell good.”
A shiver of what I can only describe as intense longing shoots through me.
“Do you like this?” he asks.
“It’s very nice.”
“Goodnight, Briar.”
“Night, Jude.”
Thankfully, I’m too tired to freak the fuck out about my best friend having his arm around me, instead, my last thought as I drift off to sleep is that I love it.
Feeling warm, I kick off the blankets then feel him behind me and remember. Jude’s warm hard body slides against mine, and a small gasp escapes me when I feel his hard dick press against my ass. Oh god. I’m naked and I let Jude in my bed.
“Stop freaking out, Bri,” Jude whispers, his voice raspy from sleep and partying.
“I’m not.”
“You are.” He pulls me closer, and his dick seems to navigate itself to the crease between my legs. “Mm, I forgot how nice it is to wake up with someone you like.”
A shaky breath leaves my chest. “Yeah.”
“What time is it?”
I glance at my phone charging on the nightstand. “Only nine.”
“So we can stay in bed a little longer?”
“We could…”
“You don’t want to.” He chuckles, releasing me, and I almost cry out at the loss.
I’m so conflicted right now. I want Jude to touch me so badly it hurts. I want his kiss, his affection, his love. My eyes widen at that thought. No. I can’t let myself go there. We’re just two lonely people experiencing our friendship on a different level thanks to this insane idea I had to pretend we’re engaged.
“Is it too weird for you?” Jude asks, breaking into my thoughts.
“What?”
“Lying here with me.” The sadness in his voice pulls at me.
I twist around so I’m facing him. “No, it’s not weird, Jude. It’s, um, kind of amazing actually. Like you said, it’s been a long time since I’ve woken up in someone’s arms.”
“But you hate that it’s me.”
“Hate?” I shake my head. “No. I like it. Probably more than I should.”
“Oh.” His eyes search mine, and for the first time since we moved in together, I see him through a different lens. Not as the larger than life artistic superhuman sex god but as Jude, vulnerable, lonely, and sweet. “Why is it bad if we like it?”
“Not bad.”
“Then what’s the problem?”
“I think we feel differently about it. I’m gay, Jude.”
“I’m aware.”
“That means I’m attracted to men. I can develop romantic feelings for men.”
“I know what gay means.”
“I know, but… Never mind.”
“I think I get it. You think you’re the only one feeling things because you’re gay and I’m not. You think I’m just fucking around or some shit, right?”
I nod, silently biting my bottom lip.
“You think I’d fuck with my best friend’s feelings for my own benefit?”
“Not intentionally.”
“Jesus, Bri. You’re pretty, but you’re kind of thick sometimes.”
I blink to register his words. Did he just call me pretty?
“I’m in your bed because I wanted to be. I needed to be.”
“Why?”
He shrugs. “I haven’t really processed it all yet. I just know that I like being close to you. It makes me feel...better. I like touching you. I like kissing you. I know it’s blurring the lines of our friendship, and I get why you’re scared. I guess I am too.” He chuckles softly, but it’s edged with nerves. “But I would never fuck with you. I would never use you or hurt you. You’re the most important person in my world, Bri.”