Saint’s eyes widen briefly. “Interesting.”
“We were talking about it at the club the night before. I guess he was curious and wanted to experience it.”
“I see. And now you’re struggling?”
I nod, leaning my hip against the table. “He’s my best friend, and I don’t know what’s going on in his head, but I’m afraid he’s gonna take it too far and then freak out, you know? And then our friendship might change.”
“It sounds like your friendship has already changed.”
“Yeah.” My fingers automatically move to my neck. It’s like I can still feel his lips on my skin. “I liked it.”
“Of course.”
“But Jude is straight. I think he’s just lonely and curious. That usually doesn’t end well.”
“But it could.”
I tilt my head. “Could it?”
“I don’t know Jude well, but he’s a grown man. You guys aren’t kids. I assume he’s well aware of what he’s doing. Especially since he was sober at the time.”
“Yeah.”
Saint walks over and puts his hand on my shoulder. “What’s really bothering you, Briar?”
“I want more with him.” I laugh as soon as the words leave my lips. “So stupid. I can’t afford to fall for him and have it be unrequited. My heart can’t take it.”
“I understand. I’m hardly the best person to give relationship advice.” He chuckles. “But if I were in your position, I would tell myself that sometimes we have to decide if the chance for something more is worth it. Will we go the safe route and leave things as they are, or will we be brave and take our shot?”
I nod, listening and absorbing his words. “I’m afraid if I address it, Jude will back off. Selfishly, I don’t want anything bad to happen before the wedding.”
“It’s not selfish. You both have a lot on the line. Your friendship, of course, but Jude’s in new territory. He probably has a lot to process if he’s feeling attracted to you.”
“He wasn’t hesitant at all. He came at me, and it was possibly the hottest thing to ever happen to me. I just don’t know if I should let him be the one to start things or if I should tell him how I’m feeling.”
“That’s something for you to think about. Will you choose the safe route or go all in?”
I smile. “The idea of being in a relationship with Jude is…” I close my eyes and smile. “Overwhelmingly good.”
“That might be your answer then.”
“Thanks for talking to me. “
“Anytime. I’m glad you feel comfortable doing so.”
“I’m gonna get so much shit when the guys notice my neck.”
Saint chuckles. “Yep. I wasn’t gonna say anything.”
“Maybe I’ll say it was a random hookup.”
“Except you’re a terrible liar.”
I laugh. “God, so true.” I glance at my cake. “I better get started. They’ll be here at three to pick this up.”
Saint nods and pats my shoulder. “I have a feeling you and Jude will figure it out.”
“I hope so.”
A while later, just as I’m putting the finishing touches on my cake, Genesis walks in with a tray of cupcakes he just took from the oven. “These are the apple cinnamon,” he announces.
I nod. “Thanks. I’ll frost them next.”
Gen sets them on the table next to me. “You good? You’ve kept to yourself today.”
I look up, offering a smile. “Good. Just focused on this cake, but I’m almost done.”
“Girl.”
I look up again. “What?”
He grins, and his eyes gleam with joy. “Where did you get the love mark?”
I swear I feel all the color drain from my face. “I ran into a doorknob?” I try. That was the lie everyone pulled in high school.
“A doorknob? What were you doing neck height with a doorknob?”
I twist my lips. “Um, trying to unlock it?”
He puts his hands on his hips and raises an eyebrow. “Spill the tea, boo.”
“I don’t want to.”
He leans across the table. “Did Jude put that there?” he whispers.
I nod. “Yeah.”
“My, my, my. What led to this delicious little development?”
I clear my throat. “I feel like it’s your fault.”
Genesis gasps, clutching the nonexistent pearls around his neck. “What did I do?”
“You told Jude about frotting.”
His eyes widen. “And?”
“And we did.”
“Oh my—”
“Shh, Gen!” I interrupt his near shriek. “Keep it down.”
“You and Jude…” He shakes his head, glancing over his shoulder. “You did that with him?”
I nod, setting my piping bag down. “Yesterday morning. He wanted to. Please don’t tell everyone. I feel bad talking about it when I’m not sure what’s going on with us.”
“I won’t blab, Briar, but you do have a hickey. How are you going to explain that?”
“Making out?”
Gen nods with twisted lips. “Why are you embarrassed for him? Because he’s straight?”
“No, Gen, because it feels intimate. Like it was just for us.”
“Oh.” He nods. “I get that. What do you think is gonna happen next?”
“I don’t know, and I’m low key terrified to find out.”
“Why? This is beautiful. You can’t tell me you don’t have feelings for him. It’s written all over your face.”
“I’m afraid to get hurt. I’m afraid to lose our friendship. I’m afraid to fall in love with him only to find out this was all really pretend.”
“He touched your dick, boo. That’s not make believe.” Gen gives me a sympathetic look. “I do understand what you’re saying. It’s risky, but love always is.” His voice softens as he smiles. “That’s what makes it amazing when you find it. Bonus if you find it with your best friend.”
“What if it’s just curiosity? Or lust?”
Gen shrugs. “What if it’s not?”
I’m silent for a few seconds. “I want him so much, Gen. I want to let my guard down and wade into the water, trusting he won’t let me drown. I want to believe in love again. I want to love Jude.”
Gen rubs his hands up and down my arms. “I don’t believe that Jude would ever do anything to hurt you. He might still be figuring things out, but I would guess he might be feeling some kind of way too. You should talk about it with him.”
“I know. I’m just not sure how to bring it up.”
“You’ll figure it out, Briar.”
I nod. “Thanks.”
“Sure. Can I tell you something?”
“Yeah.”
“I’m jealous of you,” Gen says, offering me a smile.
“Of me? Why?”
“I think you’re so smart and level headed. Mature. Sometimes I wish I could be more like you.”
“Stop, Gen, you’ll make me get all emotional.”