“Of course.”
“How often do you guys kiss?”
“Daily. Little pecks here and there like when we get home or before we leave in the morning, if I’m up when he leaves.”
“In other words, when no one else is present?”
“Yeah. Tate suggested it to build that intimacy that couples have.”
“Cuddles?”
“Sometimes on the couch watching TV.”
“And you’ve had some physical interaction?”
“Yeah.”
“My assessment is Briar’s afraid when the wedding is over all this between you will be over too. He’s keeping his guard up because he believes you’re straight and just going along with all of this. He thinks it doesn’t mean anything to you, and he doesn’t want to get hurt by wanting more when he thinks it’s impossible to get.”
I nod, biting on my bottom lip. “What if he’s right? What if I’m just confused or blurring lines? It’s been a long time since I’ve had this kind of thing in my life. What if we tried for more and I couldn’t do it?”
“Those are questions you have to answer for yourself before you do cross any more lines with him. On that point, he’s right. It could hurt your friendship.”
“Yeah, so maybe it’s just easier to avoid it.”
“Easier maybe.” He sips his coffee.
“But?”
He grins. “What if you could have more? What if you’re not confused, and you’re actually falling for your best friend? What if you tried for more and you could do it, and the two of you could have something magical?”
“Maybe.”
“I’ll tell you something. Once I had sex with a guy, it was like my whole world opened up. What I thought was good sex before was redefined. Honestly, I’m almost exclusively guys now, but I’ve met a few women over the years who pulled me in. All I’m saying is if you’re worried about the sex stuff, it could be better than you imagined. You already know the other stuff works.”
I stare at Casper as images of me and Briar kissing, hugging, and laughing flash through my mind. The past three months have been amazing. “Damn, Casper. My fake relationship has been better than any of my real ones.”
“Something to think about then.” He pats my hand. “Do you think he’s handsome?”
“Yeah,” I answer without hesitation. “He’s handsome, but he’s also kind of hot in this quirky, nerdy way. His face lights up when we watch baking competitions. He has really nice eyes, and his confidence is growing the more time he spends working out, but I kind of like him a little softer. It suits him.”
Casper smiles. “Other than kissing, do you find yourself attracted to him?”
“I want to be with him all the time. We were close before, but now I want to have dinner with him every night and hang out and talk. I want to hold his hand, and I definitely want to kiss him.” I consider my thoughts. “I want to touch him again. Last night, I was ready to fuck. At least I thought I was.”
“Then if I were you, I’d figure out your feelings before the wedding.”
“The wedding is Saturday.”
He smiles. “No time like the present.”
“Yeah.”
“Did this help?”
“A ton. Thanks, man.”
“You’re welcome.”
“I have to ask you if you can—”
“Secret.” He nods. “I knew that before we walked out the door. No worries here, boss. I got you.”
“I really appreciate it.”
“Thanks for trusting me with it.”
I nod. “Saw you talking to Saint at Velvet. Anything going on there?”
He shrugs. “Not sure. We seemed to connect, but he didn’t ask for my number or anything.”
“Why didn’t you ask for his?”
Casper grins. “He’s the daddy. He’s in charge.”
I chuckle. “Did you confirm daddy status?”
“No. Just a vibe I got. He knows where to find me.” Casper finishes his coffee.
“True.” We stand to walk back, and all I can think about is what Casper said. What if Briar and I are on the verge of something wonderful and all we have to do is step into it?
The idea brings a huge smile to my face.
Briar
The door opens and my stomach flutters like it does whenever Jude is around. The guy has always been hot and basically the center of my universe, but that interaction two nights ago shifted something in me, and I’m desperately trying to push it back where it was.
I want to fuck.
I must’ve replayed the phrase a million times. If I close my eyes, I can see the lust in his eyes and hear the rasp of his voice. Why didn’t I just let him and deal with it later? I exhale. I know why. I can’t want for what I can’t have. It doesn’t matter that Jude is the perfect boyfriend. He’s not gay or bi or anything that would make him want dick long term. Kissing is one thing. He can write that off. But the other stuff…you can’t fake that. Even the kitchen incident was just an isolated thing.
Jude smiles, his eyes lingering on me as he sets his keys on the small entry table. We haven’t spoken much since the night in his bed, largely because I’m doing everything I can to avoid him. I just need to get through this wedding nonsense so we can return to what we were.
Jude shuffles over and sits on the couch, his torn jeans revealing flashes of deliciously tanned skin. His white t-shirt strains against his muscles, a feat I’ll never achieve, mostly because I won’t stop licking frosting off my fingers, but man, is he nice to look at. He drags a hand over the long part of his hair, his blue-green eyes gazing at me.
“How was your day?” he asks softly.
“Normal. Baked some shit. You?”
“Tattooed some shit.” He smiles. “Can we talk?”
“We are talking.”
“Without the TV on.”
Exhaling, I nod and grab the remote to click it off. “What’s up?” I try to sound light and not full of disgusting, clingy need to wrap myself around him.
“Are we okay, Bri? I need to know you’re not upset with me.”
“Upset with you? No way. Not even a little bit. Why?”
“You’ve been avoiding me since the other night.”
“No. Just, um, in my head, you know. I have to see Michael again in just a few days. I never thought I would again. It’s fucking with me.” Not entirely untrue.
Jude’s brow furrows. “I should’ve realized that. It’s not about me. Sorry.”
I put my hand over his. “No, I’m sorry. I’m a mess, aren’t I?”
“No.” He shakes his head. “You’re…” His words stop, and his gaze meets mine. His teeth worry his bottom lip. “Briar, I just want you to know…” He pauses again, his eyes locked on mine, but I can’t read his expression.
“What?”
“You mean a lot to me, Bri. A ton. I want you to know that.”
“I do.”
“Can I hug you?”
“You don’t have to ask.”