“Yeah.” I pat his arm on the way out, recognizing the heartbreak in his eyes.
When I enter the tent, I search the space for Jude and find him sitting at a table, nursing a drink as he watches people dance. When he sees me, his face lights up.
“There you are. Long line?”
“Can we leave?”
“Yeah.” He stands. “You okay, baby?”
Baby. I squeeze my eyes shut. “I am. Let’s go say goodbye.”
We turn just in time to see Patrick pushing his way through the tent with a frantic Michael chasing behind him. Jude raises an eyebrow in question. “There’s a story there.”
“Unfortunately, I’m part of it.”
“Oh shit. What went down?”
“I’ll tell you when we get back to the room.”
After we say our goodbyes, we ride the elevator up to our room. I cling to the arm Jude has around my waist like he’s holding me up. I’m shaking with rage, with relief, with nerves, but I have to tell him how I feel. As usual, Jude calms me with a kiss to the top of my head. I can do this. I know I can.
In our room, Jude sits on the small loveseat, expectation dancing in his features.
“Michael hit on me.” I kick off my dress shoes while Jude’s eyes nearly pop out of his head.
“What?”
“That bastard had the nerve to hit on me at a wedding with his fiancé nearby and my…” I motion between us. “He thought I had a fiancé, and he still did it.”
Jude rubs his forehead. “Unbelievable.”
“It’s insane.” I pull at my tie. “He of course commented on my weight loss and said a bunch of shit about old times and quickies.” I shrug off my suit jacket. “Here I was thinking he had changed. I thought he’d finally met someone who made him want more.”
“Did that thought make you feel happy or sad?”
My eyes flick to Jude as I realize I was telling the story completely checked out.
I shrug. “I guess both. Happy that he’d evolved as a person, but sad that I held on to him for so long thinking he was the best I could do.” I sit in a chair across from Jude. “Anyway, while I was telling Michael off, Patrick was listening from around the corner. Apparently, Michael left out some crucial details when he told Patrick what happened between us. He told Patrick he dumped me because I refused to live up to my potential.”
“Motherfucker,” Jude murmurs.
“But Patrick heard it all. He heard the proposition. He heard us discussing how Michael cheated on me. I saw his heart break right in front of me. I left to give them privacy, and I came to find you.”
Jude’s eyes soften. “Are you okay?”
“No. No, Jude, I’m not. For years I thought I couldn’t do better than Michael, so I didn’t try. I knew I wasn’t getting the things I needed or wanted with him, but I just thought maybe what I had with Michael was as good as it gets for a guy like me.”
“A guy like you?”
“Average. Chubby. Complacent.” Jude starts to object, but I shake my head. “Let me finish please.” He nods, and I notice he’s unbuttoned his dress shirt. That’s distracting. I clear my throat. “Those are adjectives he embedded in my head to make me stay. He stripped away my self-esteem to keep me caught up in him.”
“Yeah.”
“But I don’t think that about myself anymore. Now I know I’m not average. I’m cute in my own way. I have my charms.”
Jude smiles. “You do.”
“And I’m not chubby. I’m not muscular, but a lot of guys aren’t. I’ve found a balance that works for me, and it’s good enough.” Jude nods. “I’m not complacent. I love my job and not a lot of people can say that.”
“True.”
“Michael’s not the best I can do. I can have anything I want.” My eyes fill with tears. “I deserve to have the kind of relationship I’ve only dreamt about.”
Jude leans forward, his hands on his knees. “You do, Bri. We all do.”
Summoning every ounce of courage I have, I stand and walk until I’m in front of Jude. He leans back, and I move between his legs. When he rests his hands on my hips and gazes up at me with affection in his eyes, it gives me the boost of confidence I need.
“Jude, the last three months have meant the world to me. This is the relationship I’ve dreamt about. You’re the man I’ve always wanted.” Here it is. I’m doing it. “I’m in love with you.”
His eyes widen. “What?”
“And I know I’m going way out on a limb here because this wasn’t real and you’re straight, but for me it was real. All of it. I should’ve guarded my heart better, but I’m defenseless when it comes to you.”
Jude stares at me with parted lips so I continue.
“I’m baring myself to you, Jude, holding my heart out and asking if there’s any chance you’d take it.” When he still doesn’t say anything, my nerves take over. “Please say something, Jude. Tell me to fuck off or something.”
He blinks hard. “I’m just surprised. That’s not what I thought you were gonna say.”
“What did you think I was gonna say?”
“That the game was over, and you knew you deserved something real, and you were gonna go out and find it. I was gonna tell you…” He swallows hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing in his throat. “I’ve been at war with myself for months. Since the first time I kissed you.” His hands run over my sides softly as he speaks. “The things we’ve done together shifted something for me. I wanted to do more, but you thought it was all fake. You thought it was alcohol and curiosity, and I wasn’t sure if you were right or wrong.” I nod, listening intently. “So, I gave it some thought. I wanted to be able to tell you without a doubt how I felt about things with us.”
I brace myself. “Okay.”
“I tried to tell you while we were dancing, but you shut me down. You had it in your head that no matter what I was gonna call things off, right?”
“Right.”
He pulls me close enough to press his forehead to my stomach. I drag my fingers through his silky hair, tickling his scalp the way I love to.
“Briar.” Jude tilts his head up to meet my eyes. “I don’t want to be in a fake relationship with you anymore.”
I nod, but his words feel like a thousand stinging knives plunging into my heart.
“I want to be in a real relationship with you.”
“I underst—Wait. What did you just say?”
A slow smile pulls at his lips. “I want to be in a real relationship with you.” He stands so we’re eye to eye. “I didn’t bother with dating or relationships for so long because it didn’t seem like I would ever find that elusive thing people talk about. When I kiss you, a thousand images hit me. I see us laughing and kissing and watching the same movies and shows and eating at the same restaurants and hanging out with our friends, and it’s so good. It’s better than good. It’s perfect and right. It’s the thing I thought I’d never find, and it was right in front of me all along. In my best friend.”