My heart did a weird thing. It swelled because even knowing how important his duty was, the King had chosen me. Then it sank all the way to the pit of my stomach because he was going to fail them.
Her gaze slid back to mine. “Tatiana was here before I arrived. I imagine she has become more than aware of the King’s feelings for you. I do not believe he has spent more than a handful of minutes with her. I also imagine it was she who filled you in on what would happen if the King doesn’t choose a Queen.”
Seeing no point in lying, I nodded.
“Did she tell you that while some fae choose to be monogamous, we are accepting of relationships which do not start with one person and end with a second. Especially for someone like our King, whose duties may not align with his heart.”
“She did, but…” My mind was all over the place. “But you’re suggesting that Caden could marry a fae while keeping me and…and our child in the picture?”
“Yes. However, he would also need to provide an heir,” she said. Before I could question that, she added, “I’m sure your child with him will be a full-blooded fae, but only a child between the King and Queen would be recognized as a Prince or Princess.”
“This is some medieval bullshit nonsense,” I told her.
She lifted her hands helplessly. “Be that as it may, would that kind of arrangement be suitable to you?”
“Basically, being a mistress with a child that wouldn’t be recognized—”
“I am sure your son or daughter would be welcomed warmly and would be loved and taken care of,” she interceded. “We are not that medieval.”
Never in my life did I think to even answer a question like this. “No,” I said, and it rang true. “It’s not like I think unorthodox relationships are wrong. I couldn’t care less. It’s just not something I could do. I couldn’t even try.”
Luce opened her mouth and then closed it. Several moments passed. “You don’t have to decide anything right now.”
“But I do.” I closed my eyes briefly. “I mean, I already have. I will keep the b-baby.” I rose swiftly on unsteady legs, causing Luce’s gaze to turn wary. “I’m pro-choice and pro-mind your-own-business. But I can’t do that.”
And I couldn’t.
I looked down at the fluffy robe as a knot of raw emotion choked me. I was pregnant. This was my child. This was Caden’s child. Our child. And he or she would be the only thing I would have of Caden. A small, beautiful piece of him. Proof that our love for one another was real, even if we hadn’t the chance to explore it.
Because I could not risk the world.
Not even for love.
Chapter 2
Luce watched me as if she expected me to topple over at any second, which was possible. As I started to pace in front of the couch, I felt as if each step were as uncertain as a child learning to walk.
Something that I would have to help this child learn.
Oh God.
I would need to teach the child how to eat, brush their teeth, sit up, and—
“So, what are you going to do then?” Luce asked.
That was a good question. What was I going to do? Who could I even ask? I had very few friends, and none of them had any baby-making experience. But I knew I couldn’t stay. Leaving here would be hard. I’d never been anywhere before, but I would have to move. Where? No clue. I felt pretty confident that the Order would approve a transfer, especially after everything that had happened. Then what? I’d be a single mother to a full-blooded fae?
A single mom who may or may not lose control of her senses?
That would be problematic.
Rubbing my brow, I continued pacing. “I don’t know exactly what I’m doing, but I can’t…I can’t stay here.”
Her brows lifted. “During your pregnancy? I imagine that the King would want you to stay with him—”
“Caden can’t know.” I stopped walking and lowered my hand.
Luce blinked once and then twice. “You’re not planning to tell him?”
My heart thumped against my chest. “No. I can’t.”
“Do you think he wouldn’t be receptive to news of a child? I don’t know him well at all—”
“No. It’s not that.” Honestly, I had no idea if he would be amenable or not. It wasn’t like we’d had a chance to talk about any of this.
She frowned. “I know this is shocking news, and on top of everything else. You have to be experiencing a lot of confusion.”
I was definitely feeling a decent amount of confusion, but I knew one thing for sure. Caden couldn’t know. “I’m not confused about this. He can’t know. You’re just like a human doctor. You told me that what I say to you and what my condition is stays between us. You won’t tell Caden.”
“I would never betray a patient’s trust by doing so, but I also won’t betray my King,” she stated, and pressure clamped down on my chest. “You want me to hide his child from him?”
The judgment and disbelief in her tone were evident. “You just said what you feel has no bearing,” I reminded her. “And you’re obviously feeling something right now.”
“You’re right.” Luce rose with the grace of a trained dancer. “But if you’re planning to keep this child, bring him or her into this world, you cannot expect me to keep that from the King.”
“But you would keep an abortion from him?” I challenged.
“I never said that.”
My mouth dropped open. “I don’t think you understand what patient-doctor confidentiality means.”
“And I don’t think you understand what being the subject of a King means.”
She was right. I didn’t. But that didn’t change anything. I needed to convince her to keep her mouth shut, and that wasn’t easy when I honestly had no idea what I was going to do. “Just give me a moment. I need to think.”
“You need to take more than a couple of moments, Brighton.”
I pinched the bridge of my nose as I raced over the possible options like I did when I mapped out the best possible routes for Order members to take when they were needed. “I don’t plan to keep the child from him forever. I wouldn’t do that,” I decided, and that was true. “That wouldn’t be fair to Caden or the child.”
“I’m relieved to hear that.” She crossed her arms. “But that’s very contrary to stating that he cannot know.”
“He just can’t know right now.”
“Brighton—”
“You don’t understand, Luce. He can’t know right now. Okay? I will tell him, but not now.”
“When will you?”
“When the time is right.”
Luce stared back at me, and then her gaze lowered as she nodded. “All right.”
Instinct flared. I knew she was lying. Everything in me said so. She may not go straight to Caden, but she would whenever I passed whatever time limit she set. I was angry that there was really no confidentiality here, but I also understood that I had no grasp of what it meant to have a King or to be fae. Human norms couldn’t be expected. I still needed to stop her, and I only knew of one way.