Chapter 1
Pregnant.
Eight weeks pregnant. Maybe a little more.
The most common response in the history of womankind was dancing on the tip of my tongue, threatening to make me sound like an idiot.
That’s not possible.
But the logical and sane voice in the back of my head whispered that it was as I stared at the silvery-skinned fae doctor. The same voice that also whispered, that’s what happens when you have unprotected sex, Brighton Jussier.
That voice sounded a lot like my mother’s during those moments when she had been herself and not the confused, lost shell of a woman the Winter fae attack had left behind.
“Are you okay?” Luce asked and then wrinkled her nose. “That’s probably a stupid question. I doubt this was news you were expecting.”
A strangled laugh escaped me. This wasn’t even in the realm of things I’d expected. So many thoughts swirled as I sat on the plush couch of what could be considered a luxury suite in a place commonly referred to as Hotel Good Fae. Hidden by glamour, to human eyes, the building appeared to be a rundown and abandoned factory on South Peters Street, but the hotel was actually a stunning, massive community complex to all Summer fae who refused to feed on unwilling humans.
Right now, it felt like the entire building was made out of cardboard and could collapse at any second.
“How?” I whispered. “How is this possible?”
The blond fae who apparently worked part-time in a human clinic because, according to her, being intrigued by humans was similar to how wild animals fascinated zoologists, frowned. “Well, I imagine it happened during sex—”
“I know that.” I cut her off. “But how could I survive being pregnant…after what I went through?” I couldn’t even fathom how it was possible that a…pregnancy had survived the time I’d spent as Aric’s captive. The psychotic Ancient fae who had killed my mother and left me for dead two years ago, had tortured me for weeks. For months. And it wasn’t like I’d gotten three square meals a day.
“Your body has been through a lot,” Luce repeated carefully. “Even for a fae, a viable pregnancy would be nothing short of a miracle. But for a human? It would be highly unlikely—”
“Then are you sure?”
“I cannot think of any other reason why you would have such an increase in that hormone. I want to do more testing. An ultrasound, for example. Some more blood work.”
“I’m… I’m pregnant.”
She gave a quick nod.
“Pregnant,” I repeated, the information sort of sinking in. A child was growing inside me, right at this moment. I was… I was going to be a mother. My heart stuttered. Could I even be a mother? I was relatively organized and responsible. I was smart, and I’d had to take care of my mother from a very young age, but that was not the same thing as having to take care of a tiny human being. I had no idea what my future held.
Now my heart raced. Aric had…he’d fed from me repeatedly, just like the fae had done to my mother all those years ago. The trauma that had left her spontaneously going in and out of reality. I’d already had moments of being sucked into a world that seemed to exist only in my mind. There could be a chance I would wake up tomorrow and spend the entire day stuck in a world of terrifying memories and haunting hallucinations. I might spend days that way. Mom had sometimes spent weeks like that, and I…I didn’t want to do that to a child. I knew what it felt like to see someone you loved, who was supposed to be the person that supported and took care of you, become trapped and unreachable. I wasn’t bitter nor did I regret being there for my mom. Not at all. But when she was herself, I knew the knowledge that she needed constant care killed her.
I didn’t want to repeat that cycle.
God, that was the last thing I wanted to do.
Luce’s pale blue eyes searched mine. “It would help to know who the father is. That could possibly explain how this is likely.”
I pulled myself from what felt like a downward spiral into flailing panic and drew in a tight, shallow breath.
Her shoulders squared as if she were preparing herself. “It is…obvious that the King cares for you deeply. When you were gone, he nearly tore the city of New Orleans apart looking for you. He’s barely left your side since he found you, and sleeps only for a few hours here and there.”
My heart squeezed painfully, and I closed my eyes. So much had happened since I woke up, no longer chained to what I believed would be my tomb. I’d just remembered what Aric had insinuated. That a Summer fae had been aiding him. I needed to tell Caden this. Not only that, I was still trying to process everything that had happened with Aric, what had come before that and after. And just an hour ago, I’d felt a sense of hope for the first time since Aric had taken me. The feeling had nearly stolen my breath.
Caden loved me. He’d ended his arranged engagement for me, but the awe-inspiring part was that I could still feel attraction and love after being trapped by Aric. The pain and the humiliation and the god-awful fear hadn’t stolen the capability to desire, want, or love from me. Realizing that was life-altering. I knew that I could move on from what Aric had done, even if doing so took days or months or years. And I knew that Caden would be waiting for me, no matter how long it took.
That hope had crashed and burned spectacularly when Tatiana, the would-be Queen of the Summer Court, sat right where Luce was sitting now and explained what would happen if Caden didn’t marry a fae of the Summer Court.
A King must choose a Queen to bear the next generation. Without doing so, the entire Summer Court would be weakened, and so would Caden. He would be dethroned, ostracized, and unprotected. Although he would no longer be a King, his blood still could be used by the Winter Court to commit unimaginable horror. Not only that, if what Tatiana claimed was true, the entire Court’s fertility rate would continue to decrease until the entire race died out.
Caden must have known all of that when he ended the engagement with Tatiana. And while that was overwhelming in a way I had little experience with, it was also terrifying.
Because without the Summer fae fighting back against the Winter fae, mankind would fall. The Order I worked for wouldn’t be able to hold them back.
It wasn’t just the future of the Summer Court that relied on the King choosing his Queen. The entire world did as well.
I’d always dreamed about the kind of love where someone was willing to risk everything. I never thought I’d be on the receiving end of it, but I wanted it—wanted it so damn badly.
But was that kind of love worth everything? The downfall of the Summer Court? Mankind? I shuddered as the back of my nose burned. A part of me wanted to scream that yes it was, but could I really live with myself—live happily ever after for however long Caden and I had—while the world fell apart around us? Until the Winter Court came for him, and he wasn’t able to fight them off?
Could Caden really live with that?
He might think so now, but months and years from now? I didn’t think so.
I knew I couldn’t.
And now, with the knowledge that I could…that I was bringing a child into a world that would definitely have an expiration date stamped on it? I couldn’t do that.
Luce had tipped forward when I reopened my damp eyes. “Is it possible, Brighton, that the King is the father? Or could it be someone else?”