“He’s already ended his engagement,” I told her.
“What?” Her gaze sharpened.
“He already ended his betrothal to Tatiana.” I sat down, suddenly so very tired. “He…he chose me. Only me.” My voice cracked as I scrubbed my palms down my face. “He’s already made his choice.”
Luce stumbled back a step and then plopped into the chair. Any other time, I would’ve laughed at seeing a fae being so ungraceful, but there was nothing funny here. She understood what I was saying.
“Tatiana told me. That was why she came here. She didn’t come out of jealousy. At least it didn’t appear that way to me. She was even open to me being a part of his life so long as he married a fae—any fae.” Tears blurred my eyes. “No one else knows. Caden wasn’t going to announce it until after Tatiana had left.”
Her lips parted.
“I knew then that I…I couldn’t let him do this. I love him—” I sucked in a sharp, burning breath. “I want him. I want to be his only choice. But I can’t be the reason the entire world goes to hell.”
Luce said nothing.
“The moment what Tatiana said sank in, I knew I had to…I don’t know, make him think that I didn’t want to be with him or something. I knew that I needed to leave.” I brushed a fat tear off my cheek. “Having his child can’t change that. It can’t, Luce. And I really don’t think him learning that he’s about to become a father is going to push him in the right direction.”
She remained silent.
I took another breath that went nowhere. “So, once he c-chooses his Queen and is married, then I can tell him about the child. I swear I will. Because, like I said, it wouldn’t be fair to the child or to him.” My heart felt like it was cracking and splintering. “I didn’t want to say anything, but you have to understand why he can’t know right now. Please tell me you understand.”
Luce stared at me.
Seconds ticked away, and I started to worry. I sat back. “Are you…are you okay?”
Finally, she moved—well, she blinked, but that was definitely better than sitting there and staring at me. Then she spoke in a voice barely above a whisper. “You’re his mortuus.”
My heart skipped a beat. I was Caden’s mortuus. His heart, his everything, and his greatest weakness. Through me, all manner of things could be done to Caden. Aric had only realized what I was when he figured out that Caden had given me the Summer Kiss. “Why would you say that?”
“It’s the only reason he would be willing to forsake his entire Court.” Luce lifted a trembling hand, smoothing down hair that was already pin-straight. “That goes beyond love, beyond what most of us can even fathom.” Awe filled her pale eyes. “It’s a connection of two souls and two hearts. It’s rare for any fae to find their mortuus, but to do so with a human? I…” She trailed off and then gave herself a little shake. The shock cleared from her face. “No one can know what you are to him. That kind of information is far too dangerous. You’re safe here, but if it were to get out—”
“I know.” Aric could’ve told Neal, who was still somewhere out there. And if someone from the Summer Court was aiding him, he could’ve told them. Aric might have told me that he told them. Perhaps I simply didn’t remember. The feedings…
I pulled myself out of those thoughts.
Luce was now really staring at me, like I was some sort of new creature. “Fate can be so cruel sometimes.”
“It really can,” I whispered.
She lowered her gaze, falling silent.
“Am I wrong?” I asked, genuinely curious. “Am I wrong to walk away from him? To keep this from him until he marries?”
“No, you’re doing the right thing.” She rose and then sat beside me. A jolt of surprise went through me as she picked up my hand. “You are quite admirable, Brighton. More than most fae could ever be. You’ve survived what I am sure many have succumbed to—too many to count. And to put my people before your own needs, to sacrifice what you must feel for the King for people who will never know what you were willing to give up? That makes you as brave as any warrior, if not more.”
Speechless, I blinked back tears. I didn’t think she knew what that meant. So many people didn’t. They didn’t believe in my competencies or strength, that I was capable of acts of bravery. The Order didn’t. Not even Miles, who ran it. It took me getting captured and surviving for even Ivy to realize that I was no longer the quiet, shy Brighton who was only good for research.
Luce squeezed my hand and said, “I won’t say anything, and I will help you in whatever way I can. But, Brighton, I must be honest.”
I tensed.
“I don’t know if it will be enough. I fear that what is done is done.”
Unease blossomed. “What do you mean?”
Her gaze locked onto mine. “I don’t think you’ll be able to walk away from the King. That there will be anything that you can do to cause him to choose a Queen that is not you. You’re his mortuus, the other half of his soul, his heart. And it is very unlikely that he’ll give you up. Ever.”
Chapter 3
After a drawn-out battle of wills between Luce and I, she promised not to protest my leaving Hotel Good Fae as long as I agreed to stay for the remainder of the week for observation and met her at the clinic she worked at next week for an ultrasound and bloodwork. Since it was Monday, that meant five days before I could go home. Five days where I would be in the same building with the man I loved but couldn’t have.
I wasn’t exactly happy, but I relented. My body had been through a lot. So had my mind, and with the latest development, I needed to be somewhere Luce could easily check in on me.
Relief that she was going to stay quiet overshadowed the irritation of being stuck here. But what she’d said sat heavily on my chest as I pulled on a pair of loose sweats and a shirt Ivy had left for me.
Could Luce be right? Caden would never let me go?
My hands shook as I pulled my hair back into a ponytail. Part of me was thrilled to hear that Luce believed Caden felt that strongly for me. That he wouldn’t let me push him away. That was the incredibly selfish part of me that was doing jumping jacks at the prospect of Caden fighting for me. For us. The other half was terrified over what was at stake.
Stopping in the middle of the room, I looked down. I’m pregnant. A wave of shivers skittered over my skin. Hands still trembling, I reached down and lifted my shirt. I tried to see past the way my stomach caved in and the old, pale scars left behind from Aric’s first attack as well as the fresher, angry red cuts that covered nearly every inch of my midsection. There was a…a baby in there, right now, growing. My child.
Our child.
A wealth of emotions rose, so many that I could barely decipher the unexpected excitement from all the fear of the unknown and what needed to be done.
If things were different, I would still be scared out of my mind. I never really thought hard about having children. I’d had to take care of my mom, and then there had been my need for revenge. There hadn’t been any serious relationships in the last several years. It just hadn’t been something I thought about. So, I would still be afraid. I’d be wondering if I was capable of caring for a baby. I would still have no idea if I’d be a good mother. But that burst of excitement I’d felt a few seconds before wouldn’t have been squashed by all the fear. It would continue to grow, and maybe some of that trepidation would lessen over time. Instead of thinking about how I was going to make Caden understand that he had to be with someone else, I would be obsessing over how to break the news. I wouldn’t be trying to figure out how to leave, or where I could go. I would be worrying about normal things like how Caden would take the news. Would he be happy? Scared? Disappointed? If things were different, I wouldn’t be spending one moment hiding the pregnancy from him.